Mixed Signals Are Ugly, Effort Is Attractive

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A couple putting in effort
Unsplash / Matthew Fassnacht

I don’t understand modern dating, because I’m not intrigued by mystery. I don’t find it attractive when someone takes days to answer my texts or gives me one-word answers during conversations.

I don’t want to spend hours of my time flirting with someone and having to guess how they feel about me because they never gave me any indication about what they want from me or where the relationship is going (or if there even is a relationship in the first place).

I find effort much more attractive. I’m not turned off when someone looks me directly in the eyes and tells me how much they like me. I don’t consider double texts and midnight phone calls desperate. I consider it cute. Romantic, even.

It’s so rare to find someone authentic. Someone who actually tells the truth instead of dodging questions and keeping me waiting. I would much rather date someone who tells me too much than too little. Someone who is open and honest with me instead of hiding their feelings behind a wall.

Mixed signals are not a way to lure me in. If you aren’t paying attention to me, I am going to assume you aren’t interested in me. And if I catch you flirting with other people, I’m not going to think wow a lot of people like you and that makes me like you even more. I’m going to think wow you’re a player and I clearly cannot trust you so I’m not going to waste my time. 

Despite what most people might think, I don’t run away when someone shows interest in me. There’s a bigger chance I am going to run if you look like you couldn’t care less about me.

There is nothing exciting about making me feel like I’m not good enough for you. I don’t want to settle for someone who makes me question myself. I would rather be with someone who makes me feel beautiful, like I am the only person in the room.

Whatever way you look at it, mixed signals suck. They are rude. They are confusing. They are pointless. Playing hard to get might sound sexy in theory, but it only causes hurt. And I have been hurt enough already.

I want someone who is unafraid of their feelings. Someone who meets me and only takes seconds to decide I am worth dating. Not someone who meets me, flirts with me for months, and never asks me on an official date because they still aren’t sure about whether I am worthy.

I’m not going to lie. I have dealt with mixed signals before. I have overthought what it meant when someone drunk texted me, liked my Instagram photos, and watched my snap stories. But I am never going to do that again.

From now on, I am not going to date you unless you put in effort from day one, because I need someone who puts work into the relationship. Someone who sees how much I deserve. Someone who cares as much as I care. TC mark

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