Thought Catalog

The Surprisingly Beautiful Truth About Being Single For A Large Gap Of Time

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Girl who was single for a large gap of time
Unsplash / Mitchell Orr

When you have been single for a large gap of time, it takes a lot for you to agree to go on a date. Honestly, you become a little lazy. You might swipe right on some attractive strangers, but you won’t bother to make dinner and a movie plans with them. You like them, but not enough to get dressed and drive for miles. Not to mention, after being alone for so long, the idea of affection is intimidating. Going out on dates, holding hands, and kissing aren’t usually on your agenda. You’re worried you’re going to screw them all up somehow.

When you have been single for a large gap of time, disappointment becomes an old friend of yours. Whenever you find someone you have an authentic connection with, you hope it will lead to a real relationship, but your expectations are pretty low. You expect them to fade out of your life after a while. You expect them to date someone new without warning and cause your stomach to sink. You expect to be led on for months and then dropped like a fly.

When you have been single for a large gap of time, everyone tries to play matchmaker. When they’re not busy begging to set you up, will keep asking you if you’ve met anyone, even though the answer is always the same. It gets tiring hanging out with couple friends, because all they talk about is how great their relationship is going. But hanging out with other singles can be just as bad, because it seems like all they want to do is search for cute boys for a hook up. Meanwhile, you couldn’t care less about dating. You just want to grab a pizza and talk about work or something.

When you have been single for a large gap of time, you have moments of doubt where you wonder whether you’re going to be alone forever — and honestly, the thought isn’t as scary as it once was. You’ve become okay with the idea of never getting a New Year’s kiss, with never having a Valentine, with never planning a white wedding. You’ve become okay with the idea of buying a house on your own and raising a child on your own and growing old on your own. You decide that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. You’ve been fine so far, so what difference would a few more years make?

When you have been single for a large gap of time, you have the time to focus on yourself. To advance your career. To expand your social circle. To figure out who you are and what you want. You have the freedom to learn more about the universe and the people hidden inside of it. You have the ability to do whatever the hell you want with your own timeline.

When you have been single for a large gap of time, it’s secretly a blessing in disguise, because by the time you find someone good enough to call your boyfriend, you will already be mature enough to create a relationship that can last a lifetime. TC mark

Essential Poetry for Women Who Give No Fucks

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.”
James Altucher

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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