Your person breaks your heart and all you want is an explanation. A reason behind why they left. A way to make sense of it all.
But instead of sitting you down and telling you the truth, they will sprinkle you with cliches about how you deserve better and how you are better off as friends. Either that or they will ghost you so that there isn’t any chance to answer your questions.
Instead of getting closure, you get screwed over.
You are swarmed with questions. Did you do something wrong? Should you have moved faster, moved slower? Did they meet someone new, reconnect with someone old? Did they cheat on you and leave you for that person or did they decide that they would rather stay single?
You search for closure by staying up late and shuffling through your memories. You think about the fights that you’ve had, the nasty words you’ve said. You think about the best nights you’ve had, the kisses you’ve shared. You try to pinpoint the moment where it all went wrong. You try to find red flags from the past, ones that you never noticed in the moment.
Closure becomes a guessing game. You have no clue what the truth is, so you’re forced to come to your own conclusions. To make up reasons why they gave you a goodbye.
Of course, you do your research. You dig through social media. You scour their Facebook and Instagram, looking for clues about why they decided to abandon you. Do they keep liking a certain person’s photos that they’ve been crushing on? Are they posting photos with someone new that they’ve been seeing behind your back? Do they look happier without you? Or do they look like they miss you?
Since you have no clue why they left, since they never bothered to tell you what they were thinking, you feel like it happened out of the blue. The confusion creates trust issues. It makes you worry that every other person you date in the future will wake up one day and abandon you without warning. It makes you scared to love again.
You stay stuck on exes and almosts for so long because there is no closure. There is no expiration date. You think that someone is out of your life for good and then they turn around and text you at the worst moment. The moment when you’re about to move on.
You never get the closure you need, you never officially move on, because there is always hope. In the modern world, it feels like everyone breaks up. Every relationship ends. So even if your ex looks happy now, it’s only a matter of time until they are single again. Until you have a chance with them again.
You never get the closure you deserve, because you’re stubbornly thinking there’s a chance you could get back together, when really you should be putting your foot down and saying that, no matter how many times they come back and beg for you, you are never getting back together.