Thought Catalog

The Truth About Missing Someone You Never Actually Dated

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Unsplash / Ilya Yakover

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you feel like you’re being ridiculous, like you aren’t allowed to feel the way you feel. Like you should stop whining and get over it already because they were never yours to begin with, because your heart shouldn’t hurt this much over someone you hardly knew.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you don’t know how to describe them. Do you refer to them your ex, even though you were never official? Do you call them an old friend, even though they meant so much more to you than that? It’s hard to explain your relationship to anyone who asks, because the whole thing was complicated.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you are filled with regrets, with questions and what ifs. You wonder what would have happened if you told them how you felt earlier, if you leaned in and kissed them that night you were left alone together. You wonder if you could have changed the future, if there was an alternate reality where you two ended up as a couple.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you worry that they’ll forget about you. That they won’t even mention you to the new person they’re dating, because you weren’t significant enough. That if you contacted them years later, they wouldn’t even recognize your name.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you struggle to find closure. It would be weird to call them up and ask them what went wrong, why they decided to date someone else, because they wouldn’t understand what you’re asking. They might not even know that you liked them in the first place.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you aren’t sure if it would be appropriate to text them or like their photos. You don’t know how you’re supposed to treat them anymore, because you didn’t go through an actual breakup. You just went your separate ways.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you hesitate to complain about them to your friends and ask for advice from your parents. You don’t want to come across as desperate. You don’t want them to judge you for pining over a boy that never belonged to you.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, you’ll fall asleep with tears scattered across your face and you’ll hit snooze ten times in the morning because the last thing you want to do is start the day. The last thing you want to do is live your life without them in it.

When you miss someone you never actually dated, it’s just as bad as missing someone you did date. Because it doesn’t matter how they felt about you — all that matters is how you felt about them.

You can love someone you never dated, you can miss someone you never dated, and you can get over someone you never dated. It might take you a while to heal, but it’s going to happen. TC mark

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