Aries: March 21st – April 19th
You still haven’t figured out how to walk in heels. Whenever you have to go to a classy party or attend an important meeting, you wear the smallest, thickest heels you can find so that you don’t end up falling over. Or you just say the hell with it and wear flats.
Taurus: April 20th – May 20th
You hate shopping. You don’t find looking through shoes and trying on bathing suits any fun. It’s torture. Nothing ever fits right and it only makes you feel horrible about yourself. It’s definitely not therapeutic for you.
Gemini: May 21st – June 20th
No matter how hard you try, you can never figure out how to match the wings of your eyeliner. You either end up pushing your bangs to the side to cover up half of your face or wipe it all away and decide that you look better without any eye makeup.
Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd
You haven’t mastered the art of the selfie. Whenever you take a picture of yourself, it doesn’t come out the way you want it to. You’re not sure what faces you’re supposed to make or how high you’re meant to hold the camera, but you’re pretty sure you’ve been doing it wrong.
Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd
You always look nice, which is why no one realizes that you secretly hate women’s clothes. They’re expensive. They’re uncomfortable. And there’s never any pockets. You love being in a relationship, because you get to steal your boyfriend’s hoodies.
Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd
Your nail polish is always chipped. Always. Even if you applied it an hour ago, somehow it’s going to end up getting messed up before you leave the house.
Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd
All of those romantic comedies that everyone supposedly loves? You haven’t seen any of them. And you don’t really want to see them, either.
Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st
Honestly, you don’t really like the taste of wine. You prefer beer. Or shots. You would rather sip from a can than from some fancy stemmed glass.
Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st
You hate wearing bras. And pants. The second you come home, the second it’s acceptable for you to get naked, you do so. You hate feeling so confined.
Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th
Shaving is your least favorite activity. Sure, you like the feel of your soft, smooth skin after it’s done, but you hate doing gymnastics inside of the shower. That’s why you prefer winter, when you can let your hair grow and cover it up with three layers of clothing.
Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th
You feel like you aren’t as fashionable as people think you are. You wear dresses a lot, but you don’t do it to look nice. You only wear them because they’re easier. When you wear a dress, you don’t have to find a pair of pants to match. You’re ready to go.
Pisces: February 19th – March 20th
You consider yourself a smart person, but you still have zero idea how to contour. It doesn’t matter how many beauty tutorials you watch on Youtube, because you don’t think you’re ever going to figure it out.