It Sucks To Have Anxiety, Especially When You’re In Love

Unsplash / Christopher Campbell

Anxiety sucks when you’re single — and it sucks just as much once you find your forever person.

Sometimes you feel annoying because you keep asking if they’re mad at you, if they’re bored of you. You need constant reassurance that they still love you, that they still want you around. You’re terrified of becoming a burden to them.

Sometimes you feel alone because even though the love of your life is right in front of you, even though they’re trying their best to understand what you’re going through, they don’t get it. Not really.

Sometimes you feel guilty because you stayed quiet when they brought you to a party. Because you came across as rude. Because you looked like you wanted to go home when you were actually just nervous and trying to keep your cool.

Sometimes you feel embarrassed because even though you’re entirely comfortable around them, it still sucks to ask them to leave a bar because there are too many people around. It still sucks to remind them you want to sit in the aisle seat, in case you need to escape. It still sucks to ruin their fun.

Sometimes you feel frustrated because it’s hard for you to explain how you’ve been feeling. Because you want to tell them everything that’s on your mind, but sometimes you can’t even pinpoint what’s wrong.

Sometimes you feel insecure because you don’t fit in with their friends and family the way that you should. Because you still feel like an outsider, even after months of dating them.

Sometimes you feel jealous because you see the way they handle situations with ease. You see the way they make phone calls and chitchat with cashiers and wish you could do the same.

Sometimes you feel selfish because you decided to stay home, because you ruined their big plans for the night. Because you couldn’t stomach the thought of leaving the house and talking to other people, even though you know it would have made the love of your life happy.

Sometimes you feel frightened — because what if they leave? What if they get tired of dealing with your breakdowns? What if they realize that they could have someone else, someone without anxiety, someone who won’t triple text them or hyperventilate before stepping out of their car for a date?

Sometimes you feel ungrateful because even when they’re holding you close and promising you that everything is going to be okay — even though you’ve found the person you’ve always wished you could find, someone to wipe away the tears — you still feel anxious.

Sometimes you feel like they would be better off without you. You feel like you’re only dragging them down. Like you’re making their life harder than it has to be.

But sometimes you actually feel okay. Sometimes you push past all of those negative emotions. Sometimes you remember that your anxiety isn’t going to stop you from living a life you love with a person you love. TC mark

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