I tell myself that I’ve moved on, because I don’t think about you as much anymore. Because I’ve found the strength to stop myself from sending the first text, from scrolling through your social media, from mentioning you every time I hang out with my friends.
I act like I’m better off without you. Like I’m glad that you’re gone. Like I’ve finally raised my standards and realized that I can do so much better than you.
I’ve managed to live my life without you for so long that I’ve become used to it. I’ve almost forgotten the way that your lips taste, the way your voice sounded, the way that your chest rose and fell as you slept.
I talk to other boys now. I flirt with them like we used to do. Some of them are only welcome distractions, and others are guys that I genuinly like. That I can honestly imagine dating.
That’s why I no longer have the temptation to text you. I no longer type out messages and delete them before sending. I no longer feel the urge to chase after you.
I’m completely and utterly over you. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
But if you were the one to contact me? If you broke your silence to admit that you missed me, that you wanted me back in your life?
I don’t think I would be able to say no. I don’t think I would have the gall to ignore your messages, to tell you that it’s a bad idea for us to get back together.
I would text you back, I would let you kiss me, I would fall for you all over again. I would jump right back into the arms of a boy I swear I’ve stopped loving.
I act like I’m over you, but the truth is that I would take you back if you asked. If you put in a little more effort this time and made it clear that you were ready to commit to me.
I would take you back if you admitted that you cared about me as much as I’ve always cared about you. If you told me that you haven’t stopped thinking about me ever since the day we parted and that no other girls compare.
I would take you back if you promised things would be different. If you swore to take me out on romantic dates and introduce me to your parents. If you made an effort to treat me the way you should have treated me the first time around.
I would take you back if you wanted more than a fling, more than a friend, more than a one-night stand. If you wanted to take our relationship seriously. If you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.
I would take you back if you came back. I would love you all over again — or maybe I’ve never actually stopped.