Thought Catalog

Your Mixed Signals Are Making Me Feel Ugly

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God & Man

On the days when your name pops up on my phone, my confidence skyrockets. But on the days when I’m stuck waiting for a text that never comes, that confidence plummets.

Whenever you aim a smile toward me, wink at me, or let your skin graze against mine, I feel gorgeous. But whenever you ignore me, give me one-word answers, or walk past me without saying a word, I feel hideous.

I don’t want my self-worth to be dependent on some guy, but it is. It wavers, depending on how much attention you’ve been giving me. Based on whether or not you seem interested on any given day.

I can’t keep doing this. Crying into the mirror when I can’t get my makeup right, because I’m worried I’ll run into you — and walking around like I’m hot stuff when you actually like my selfies, validating my existence.

Your mixed signals have got to stop, because they’re slowly driving me insane.

I don’t care if you want a real relationship with me, if you want to sleep with me, or if you only want to stay friends with me. I just want to know what’s been running through your confusing little mind.

I’m sick of guessing why you’re bombarding me with texts one day and shutting the door on me the next day. Deciphering everything that you say and do, from the words in your texts to the clothes on your body, is exhausting.

I want consistency. But if you can’t give me that, at least give me answers.

Are you suddenly acting uninterested because I waited too long to answer your messages? Because I said something to offend you? Because you got bored of me? Because I looked ugly that day?

I need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. I need to know why you’re playing these games with me — and a vague answer like I’m not ready for a serious relationship or my ex fucked me over isn’t good enough. I need more.

I need to know why you like me enough to lead me on, but not enough to call me your girlfriend. I need to know how you wake up in the morning and decide whether you’re going to flirt with me on that particular day or pretend like I’m invisible.

I don’t get the way that your mind works and I hate things I can’t understand.

If I’m being honest, I would rather have you drop out of my life completely, delete me from your phone and never contact me again, than go back and forth every few days. I would rather lose you than only have you halfway.

To put it bluntly, I either want to be with you or I want to move the hell on. I don’t want to be stuck in relationship limbo. Almost isn’t enough for me.

So seriously, stop it with the mixed signals, because they’re not fun anymore. They suck. TC mark 

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