You think I’m over you, because I haven’t slipped up yet. I haven’t drunk texted you at two in the morning. I haven’t showed up at your house with a mouthful of apologies. I’ve kept my feelings to myself. I’ve cried in my bedroom and screamed in my car, so you wouldn’t notice the meltdowns.
You think I’m over you, because you only see the side of me I want you to see. The girl who is all laughs and smiles. The girl who posts selfies with her best friends and uses captions that make it look like she’s living the life she’s always wanted.
You think I’m over you, because I talk to other people. Flirt with other people. Hook up with other people. You think I’m interested in dating them, but really, I’m thinking about you the entire time. Wishing the circumstances were different, wishing I was holding you instead.
You think I’m over you, because I don’t text you as much as I used to. I don’t like every picture or comment on every status. I go out of my way to avoid you.
And when I do see you, I act casual. I ask about your girlfriend, like I’m actually interested, like it doesn’t kill me to say her name. You think I’m over you, that I’m happy for you, that I accept that you’ve moved on.
But every time you meet my eyes, I find a reason to glance away. Every time you text me, I cut the conversation short. Every time you pull me close, I push you away.
I’m trying to keep my distance, because it hurts to see you. It hurts to know that you’re not mine and you never will be.
Of course, you have no idea that every glance you give, every smile you form, kills me inside. You think I’m already over you, because I play the part. I smile wide when I see you. I never act bitter or bitchy, not in front of you. I wait until you’re gone to break down.
I’ve done my best to make you believe I’m okay with everything that happened between us. That I’m not hoping for a redo.
You think I’m over you, because I’ve given you every reason to think that’s the truth. I don’t want you to know that I’m suffering. I don’t want you to realize how much you mean to me. How much more I want you than you’ve ever wanted me.
I want you to think I’m over you — because I’m trying my best to make that a reality.