You think I’m gullible. That I believed every word that came out of your mouth. That you were able to trick me without even trying.
But I’m going to let you in on a little secret — I didn’t believe any of your bullshit. I could tell when you were lying. I could see right through you.
I let you get away with your games, even though I shouldn’t have, even though I should have confronted you, called you out, got some straight answers out of you.
But I liked you, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I believed that you would come around when you were ready. That it would take time for you to become comfortable around me, trust me, open up to me.
Or maybe I let you get away with so much, because I wanted to be with you that badly. I was willing to look past dozens of red flags, because I wanted you to stay in my life.
I didn’t want to push you away. I didn’t want to scare you off.
I wanted you to like me, so I let you get away with murder. I let you cancel plans with me. I let you ignore my texts. I let you walk out of my life for a week and then walk right back in.
Most of the time, you didn’t even bother to come up with excuses for going MIA, because I didn’t ask you where you went, what you were doing, why you were temporarily out of my life.
I acted like all of the shitty things you did to me didn’t bother me. Like I was perfectly fine with being treated like crap.
But now I know that you’re not the only one who made a mistake. I never should have accepted your poor treatment. I shouldn’t have let you get away with so much.
I should have called you out on being a dick — even if that meant you would leave my life for good. Because it would have been better to lose you and keep my dignity than to have the opposite happen.
In the future, I’m not going to let anyone else treat me the way that you did. I don’t care if asking about labels or about who that girl is on your snapchat story makes me sound clingy or crazy or psycho.
I don’t care if I lose someone by being myself. By asking questions. By trying to be involved in their life. In my mind, there’s nothing wrong with wanting answers. So why do I keep holding myself back?
I know what I deserve and I’m not going to settle for less. I’m not going to let another boy use me when he wants me and then disappear when I become an annoyance.
After all, I’m not looking for a fling. I’m not interested in finding someone who only wants me sometimes, who isn’t ready to fully commit. I’m ready for the real deal.
And I’m not going to let anyone else get away with treating me like shit.