She hates that she has feelings for you, because even though there are days when she doubts whether she’s good enough for you, whether you’re out of her league — she secretly knows that you aren’t good enough for her.
Sure, you’re attractive. You’re funny. You make her feel alive. But you’re not the kind of guy that’s going to give her what she wants.
She isn’t blind. She can see that you aren’t treating her the way that a guy treats a girl he really cares about.
You aren’t going out of your way to spend time with her. You aren’t looking at her like she’s special. You aren’t as enthusiastic about her as she is about you.
And she hates that. She hates being the one that cares more. The one that is forced to try harder.
She wishes that she didn’t have feelings for you, because she knows that she’s going to get hurt in the end. Eventually, there’s going to be a day when you walk away. When you get bored, stop answering her texts, delete her from social media.
She can picture you moving on without a problem, without a single regret, while she spends nights crying over what could have been. She can imagine finding out that you’re dating another girl, a prettier girl, while she’s still comparing every single guy she meets to you.
She knows that sadness is in her future, but it doesn’t change the truth of the present. That you’re all she can think about. That she wakes up hoping to hear from you and falls asleep wishing you were in bed beside her.
She hates that she has feelings for you, because even now, even while you’re still technically around, liking you hurts. It hurts when you take too long to text back. It hurts when you say you’re too busy to see her. It hurts when you put other people first.
She doesn’t want to have feelings for someone that keeps disappointing her. She wants someone that excites her. That surprises her.
But, for some reason, she’s stuck on you.
Maybe there weren’t any other good guys around, so she was forced to latch onto you. Maybe you used to be a sweetheart, and she fell for the old you. Or maybe she has a habit of falling for guys that treat her like shit, because she feels like shit.
She just hopes that one day, it will be different. She prays that another guy will show up and distract her from you, make her forget that you ever existed.
Because, as much as she likes you, she knows that being with you would be settling.
And the last thing she wants to do is settle.