1. Looking someone in the eye is painful. People assume that you aren’t listening when you’re staring at the wall or down at your phone. But really, you’re paying even less attention when you look them in the eyes, because you’re thinking about how awkward it feels and how long you should wait until it’s time to glance away.
2. The telephone is terrifying. You hate making appointments for the doctor or dentist. And whenever you have to call up a company to ask a question, you pray that a robot answers instead of a human.
3. Animals are your best friends. If you can find a dog at a party, you’ll spend all of your time on the floor with it. It beats having small talk with strangers that you’ll probably never see again.
4. Food is your other best friend. If there aren’t any pets around, you head straight for the snack table. No one will wonder why you aren’t contributing to conversations when your mouth is full.
5. You’ve always hated group projects. You don’t want to awkwardly look around for a partner. You would rather do the work on your own. It’s faster that way.
6. Retail jobs suck. You have to talk to people all day long. It’s draining. And most of your interactions are awkward AF.
7. You couldn’t live without your phone. Whenever you feel uncomfortable in a situation, you look down and pretend to text. Or you pop in headphones and listen to music. It keeps the people away.
8. You have trouble jumping into conversations. Sometimes, you actually have something to say. But by the time there’s a long enough pause for you to join in, the topic has already changed. You’ve missed your chance to contribute.
9. You hate being touched. You don’t want to kiss someone’s cheek. You don’t even want a hug. You just want to wave hello awkwardly and get on with your day.
10. No one ever hears you speak. When you’re in groups, people tend to talk over you. Even when you try to join in on the conversation, no one notices that you said a word.
11. Your history with someone doesn’t matter. There are some relatives that you’ve known since you were a baby that you still have no idea how to talk to. Your conversations are always tense, awkward. You’d rather ignore them completely than chitchat with them.
12. You prefer texting over talking. It’s easier for you to be yourself over a text message. You feel less pressure than during face-to-face conversations. It’s nice.
13. You can’t accept a compliment. You never know what to say when someone comments on your shirt or shoes, and you end up looking unappreciative. Like you couldn’t care less about their opinion.
14. You never know when to talk. When someone pauses, you don’t know if they’ve finished their story or if they’re just taking a breath before continuing. You can never tell when it’s your turn to speak.
15. You would rather be alone. You hate when people walk over and try to talk to you when you’re eating lunch alone, when they act like you’re a charity case in need of a friend. You actually want to be alone. You like it that way.