1. When someone is nice to you, you assume that they want something from you. Sex. Money. A ride. A phone number. All you know is that their kindness can’t be genuine.
2. You used to have high expectations, but now you don’t have any expectations at all. Whenever you let yourself get excited over something, you end up disappointed. So why bother?
3. When your friends talk about how amazing their partners are, you secretly judge them for being so naive, for assuming that their relationship is actually going to last. You’re smarter than that. You know it’s only a matter of time before she cheats or he leaves.
4. You don’t reveal your secrets anymore. You get screwed over every time you open up to someone, so you’ve closed yourself off. It’s better that way.
5. When someone compliments you or does something out of the kindness of their heart, you have no idea how to react. In fact, you normally push the person away. It’s a gut reaction, because their warmth is so foreign to you.
6. You sleep for a longer amount of time than you spend awake. You don’t want to start your day. You don’t want to leave your comfortable bed and go where the people are. You’d rather remain isolated.
7. You don’t try to one-up your friends when they brag about their lives. You only one-up them when they’re talking about how shitty their lives are. They think they have it bad? Wait until they hear your stories.
8. You don’t cry as much as you used to cry. Things haven’t gotten any better. You’ve just learned how to deal with the pain, because it’s a constant.
9. You refuse to listen to love songs, the kind stuffed with cliche lyrics. But old MCR songs? Those are your jam.
10. You’ve stopped caring about what you look like. You’ll leave the house in pajamas, without combing your hair or brushing your teeth. And you won’t even think about visiting the gym. What’s the point in trying?
11. You cancel plans whenever you get the chance and you avoid answering texts. You don’t have the patience to interact with other people. You’d rather be by yourself. All the damn time.
12. Happy memories don’t bring you joy. They just make you more miserable. They remind you that everything good in life will eventually fade away. That so many people you once loved are now gone.
13. Whenever you meet a ‘good guy,’ you wonder how long it’ll take for him to reveal his true colors. For him to get mean. For him to leave you, just like everybody else has.
14. To put it bluntly, you hate people. You don’t want to be around them. You don’t want to be one of them. You’d rather be a dog or a wolf or a dolphin. Animals don’t lie. They’re authentic.
15. You don’t like yourself very much. People have treated you terribly all throughout your life, and you’re just starting to wonder if you were the problem all along. Your self-esteem has taken a massive hit.