I Don’t Need You To Spoil Me, But I Definitely Need You To Make An Effort

Twenty20, dashapats
Twenty20, dashapats

My expectations in love seem high, but they aren’t unrealistic. They aren’t unreasonable.

I don’t need to be the only person in your life. I want you to have friends you can grab a beer with when I’m stuck at work. I want you to have parents you’re close to and cousins you visit on weekends. But I don’t want to be considered a second choice. The person you call when everyone else is busy. The person you fall back on. I expect to be treated like a priority.

But being your first priority doesn’t mean I need your full attention. I don’t need you to text me from the second your alarm chimes in the morning until your head sinks into your pillow at night. I don’t need never-ending affection. But I do need affection. I need you to set time aside to visit me and plan out dates you think I’d like. I need you to ask me about my day and tell me all about yours. I need you to prove that you give a damn about me.

And giving a damn consists of more than pretty words — it includes actions. I don’t need you to buy me plane tickets for my birthday and jewelry for our anniversary. I don’t need you to waste the paychecks you worked so hard to get on a single gift that I’m going to toss in my drawer. But I do expect you to find something special to wrap up for me. To write something thoughtful in my card. To make me feel like I actually matter to you.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t need you to spoil me, to put me on some sort of pedestal and act like I’m your queen, because that screams unhealthy. But I do need you to show me respect. To put in effort — as much effort as I do. I want us to be equals in every conceivable way.

The thing is, I don’t want you to do nice things for me, because I’m asking. Or because you’re worried about losing me. I want you to do them, because you’re crazy about me and want to see me happy. Because the idea of not doing them isn’t even an option in your head.

I want someone that doesn’t even realize how much effort he’s putting in, because his sweet gestures don’t feel like a burden. Driving me around isn’t a hindrance. Eating dinner with my parents isn’t an annoyance. Making time for me isn’t an inconvenience. They’re things he’s choosing to do — not things he’s forced to do.

I want someone that wants a relationship with me and is willing to do the work required to sustain it. Not someone that halfheartedly decides to commit, because I made him feel important and the sex was good. I can’t accept laziness. I can’t accept lack of effort.

It might seem like my standards are high, but they’re exactly where they belong. When it comes down to it, I’m not asking for much. But I am asking for you to try. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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