I want to know what it feels like to be the only thing on someone’s mind. To be the first person they text in the morning and the one they fall asleep texting at night. The one that they call when they find out they have a day off, because they want to spend that day with me.
I want to know what it feels like to get my hopes up without having them come crashing down in a sea of disappointment. To make plans with a guy and then have him show up, on time, with a smile on his face and flowers in his hand.
I want to know what it feels like to be kissed without intention. To be looked at as more than a potential one-night stand. For my lips to be spoiled again and again, not just once, but over the course of months, years, decades.
I want to know what it’s like to hear the truth instead of well-crafted lies. To look someone dead in the eyes and know that they aren’t bullshitting me. They aren’t trying to trick me into thinking they’re a nice guy. They actually are a nice guy. And they’re worth all the time I’m giving them.
I want to know what it feels like when someone puts in effort to make me happy. I hate being the one who cares more. Who loves more. I want to see what it’s like when someone cares about me as much as I care about them. I want my emotions to be matched.
I want to know what it feels like to patiently wait for a text. To know that it’s going to come, even if it takes a full hour to get to me. To be freak-out-free, because I don’t have any doubt in my mind that they’re thinking of me, that they’ll talk to me the second that they get the chance.
I want to know what it feels like to be shown off. For someone to introduce me as their girlfriend and not just a friend. For them to brag about the accomplishments that I claim aren’t a big deal, because they think the world of me. They think I’m beautiful and talented and someone worthy of jealousy.
I want to know what it feels like to be sure where someone stands. I don’t want to be battered with mixed signals. I don’t want to be forced to guess how they feel. I want them to tell me everything, straight up. To admit that they want a serious relationship with me and promise me that I won’t get screwed over.
I want to know what it feels like to be loved in the way I was meant to be loved. To be told I’m beautiful by lips that don’t lie. To feel like I’ve finally found someone that would never hurt me, because my tears would provoke theirs. Someone that would only make me stronger, happier.
Someone that would make me their first priority.