1. You get offended when someone tells you you don’t have a real job. You’re making real money to pay your real bills, aren’t you? Any job is better than no job, so people should quit judging you.
2. Your coworkers are your best friends. You’re with them all the damn time. You see them more often than you see your own family, which is why they’ve started to feel like family. Sometimes, they annoy the hell out of you, but you still love them.
3. You’re used to turning down invitations out. Sometimes, your friends get offended when you tell them you’re too busy to see them, but you can’t help it. You work 24/7 and when you’re not working, you’re in the mood for a long nap.
4. You’d rather drink at home. Why should you pay eight dollars per drink at some fancy bar when you could just buy a bottle of Jameson for twenty bucks and avoid paying for an Uber? Drinking at home just makes more sense.
5. You hate seeing other people on vaycay. It annoys you when your Facebook friends post pictures standing in front of castles in Ireland. You doubt they paid for the trip themselves. You know they didn’t.
6. You never shut up about work. You know how some people never stop talking about their boyfriends? You’re like that, except with work. You’re always ranting or bragging or whining about it.
7. Calling in sick isn’t an option. It doesn’t matter if you’re sniffling or hungover. You’ll show up to work with a box of tissues and a pair of sunglasses. You need the paycheck.
8. And being unemployed isn’t an option. Whenever you complain about your current job, people tell you to quit, but you would never do that, unless you found another job first. You’re actually responsible.
9. If there’s free food, you’ll go. Free is your favorite word. Nothing sounds sweeter.
10. But you hate handouts. You won’t go on a date, unless you have enough money to pay for your half of the meal. And if a friend buys you drinks one night, you’ll pay the next night. You don’t accept charity.
11. Doggie bags are your best friend. Waste those leftover chicken wings and three whole mozzarella sticks? No way. You could eat them tomorrow and save a few bucks on lunch.
12. Everyone considers you a workaholic. But you don’t see it that way. You just work as many hours as you can to make as much money as you can. Cause and effect.
13. You realize that money does matter. It can’t bring you happiness, but it can help you pay the rent and get gas for your car. And honestly, those things make you pretty happy.
14. A three day weekend is a huge deal. Will you get wasted with friends? Will you finally bingewatch Stranger Things alone with your dog? You don’t know, but you’re going to have a great time either way.
15. You get annoyed when friends rely on their parents for everything. It’s great that they can ask for a new car and magically get it, but things don’t work that way for you. You actually have to earn life’s little pleasures.
16. You love treating yourself. You don’t care if friends make fun of you for wasting money on makeup and books. You worked hard for that money. You can spend it whatever way that you’d like.