1. She murdered her dog to impress me

Went out with a girl for about a month and one day we were at a friend’s house playing a fucked up game of “would you rather.” A guy who I’m not that close with asks the girl I’m with, “Would you rather kill your boyfriend or your dog? You HAVE to choose one.” She answers with, “I’m sorry, but I’d probably kill you, haha.”

We all had a bit of a laugh then we went home later on. Two hours later she sends me a picture on snapchat of her dog with a knife through its neck and text reading, “I was kidding earlier, love ya.” I rang her to ask if she seriously killed her dog, she got kinda pissed and said she expected me to be happy. I cut her off and called the police straight away. Haven’t heard about her since (8 months ago?) and wish to keep it that way.

2. She sent me videos of her cutting herself

Okay we had broken up, but she made a YouTube video of old footage of us spliced together with footage of her cutting herself (which was something she did and I tried to help her not do but you know… I can only do so much) and licking the blood off the razor blade. This was all set to music, though I forget what song.

I dunno if that’s how she dealt with the breakup or if she was trying to get me back or what but… That totally happened. The video disappeared or became private shortly after.

3. She offered to drink my blood

The first night I was hooking up with this beautiful girl, she wanted to prove how dirty she could be. I had told her that I liked to try interesting things in bed, and she said “Yeah well, I’m up for anything. See this scar?” Points to her left clavicle. “That’s where I cut myself so my last boyfriend could drink my blood.” But… She was still super hot so I pretended that was totally normal.

4. She took pictures of herself skinning a mouse

Friend of mine got some kind of pen pal from Norway once. During a snow-storm in Winter, she got bored and started to Snapchat him. The only problem was that the snapchats were just the progression of her skinning a mouse she found. Each photo would be the mouse with less skin on. The whole time she thought she was being cute.

5. She carved my initials into her skin

I had a girlfriend when I was young who carved a heart with my first initial inside it into the flesh of her hip.

6. She actually broke into my apartment

A girl broke into my parents’ apartment (where I lived at the time) and slept in my bed. I didn’t come home that night as I crashed at a friend’s house, and I was pretty surprised when my mom called me in the morning, asking who she was…. To this day i still don’t know how she managed to get into the apartment.

7. I heard a psychotic chick talking to herself (about me)

I’m on the train. This girl behind me is having the most boring phone conversation I’ve ever heard. Some guy she thinks is cute or something.

I keep listening though, mostly because she’s too loud to block out… And things get weird. The guy she’s describing sounds pretty physically identical to me.

So I turn around, and this girl says “oh. He’s looking at me now. I wonder what he’ll do. I wonder if he likes me.”

She also DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING PHONE.

Yeah, I got off at the next stop and put a whole train between me and that weirdo.

8. A complete stranger pretended to be my girlfriend

Never met her, I was bored looking through the Instagram Explore tab and noticed a photo of me.

She wrote that I was her boyfriend and there were 3 photos where she must of been sitting near me and took a selfie with me next/near to her.

After that I stopped wearing earphones and started paying attention. I spotted the chick looking at me so I said that I found her Instagram photos and she went red and just screamed. (This was in a library)

The end.

9. She broke into my house to watch me sleep

My ex broke up with me. Then, when she regretted it, she tried to convince me to come back together with her. One of her many selling points was that, if we didn’t became a couple again, she would sleep with all my friends. I warned my friends about it, and they avoided sticking their dicks in crazy. She took that as a sign that I still cared for her, so after getting high and drunk, she broke into my apartment to watch me sleep. Luckily I lock my door at night. I found her the next morning passed out in the hallway. She left crying and we haven’t spoken since.

10. She stalked me and physically abused me

She learned my class schedule. Would wait for me before and after class, if I was sitting in a chair she’d sit on my lap and wouldn’t get off till someone yelled. She’d grab my hand if I was walking and try to keep me from pulling away. It got bad.

She started to punch me, claiming it was in a joking matter but I’ve been in fist fights with softer blows than that. She then showed me the cuts in her stomach from her nails, she said she’d dig her nails in when she was upset about me.

I ended up reporting her self harm to the school, i did mention how she followed me around and touched me even tho repeatedly told that it needs to stop. They had a professor of psychology talk to her, apparently she walked around campus for a month screaming about me (stop taking classes at that time because of how bad it had gotten). She was just trying to have friends and a boyfriend but went about it in a bad way, so I felt a little bad.

I ended up getting a “fake” girlfriend, a good friend would hold my hand and sit with me whenever she was around, even went as far as talking about our sex life to make the girl uncomfortable and leave. She tried following my fake girlfriend and I once but fake girlfriend ain’t about that life and made sure it didn’t happen by making the stalker leave first, and then immediately going the opposite way and driving around randomly till we were certain she wasn’t behind us.

11. She snooped through my entire bathroom and then bragged about it

I went on a date with a girl that I’d been chatting with on the internet. We traded pics and everything seemed fine, so we agreed to lunch and take it from there. During lunch she was incredibly giggly, like everything either of us said had a hidden double meaning or something. It was…okay at first, but got old after awhile. After lunch I wasn’t really feeling it and was going to end it, but she suggested we head back to my place. Admittedly she was good looking enough for me to go there so I agreed.

Once at my apartment she needed to use the bathroom. She was in there for about 20 minutes so I figured, y’know, poopin’. Whatever. When she came out she had this huge smile on her face. We started talking and she remarked that she noticed I used the same shampoo as her. Then she said that we also use same soap, toothpaste, and several other toiletries. I realized that she had spent a lot of that time in the bathroom going through my shower, medicine cabinet, and under-the-sink storage. That really creeped me out.

12. She lied about cutting herself to make me talk to her

A girl I dated used to call me and tell me she was cutting herself, from time to time. I was trying to be a good boyfriend and talk her out of it and tell her not to.

She told me later that she wasn’t REALLY cutting herself, she just liked hearing me be concerned for her. It made her feel wanted and desired.

One one hand, that’s just very sad. On the other hand that’s very creepy.

13. She gave me her used tampon and teeth as a gift

When I was 29 I met a gal who was 20 who was smitten with me. She was very sweet and a friend of a friend who said she was sheltered but liked me a LOT. So she has this major crush on me but can’t ask me out, so this mutual friend asks for her.

So I do. We go out a few times. She’s very attractive but painfully shy and I actually enjoy her company.

Well at some point, and I still don’t know exactly how this happened but this is my best theory, my friend and I were talking about foot fetishes (he has one, I do not). That part is what I know that I heard about later. My next guess is that this gal (who had overheard this conversation and brief remark about foot fetishes) then looked up “fetish” on the Internet and didn’t connect it with “foot” and didn’t know what ANY of it was. Fetishes. And somehow got the idea that it’s about things. Well anyway you’ll get what I mean when I continue.

So anyway one day she presents me with a box. Giftwrapped. I opened it and inside were small jars, with screw cap tops dipped in wax to keep the airtight I guess.

One small jar had two wisdom teeth she’d had removed. One jar had a lock of her hair. A third jar had a used tampon in it.

No, she wasn’t crazy, and apparently she asked our friend about my sexual fetishes and he put the idea in her head that “things associated with her” or her body would make a nice “gift.” (He apparently didn’t mean gift like ‘thing’ but gift as in gift of ones’ self?)

HERE’S THE THING. He later explained he NEVER MEANT to make me out to like this stuff and never told her to give me specific items. And as for her, SHE confessed that when he talked to her, she thought that he was being really filthy dirty but being incredibly VAGUE to be polite. So HE claimed he never said “give him your tampon” and SHE said “the way he explained all of it I thought he was just too polite to say it.” She had cooked all of it up in her mind — teeth, hair, tampon.

I reacted TOTALLY with a straight face and didn’t judge AT ALL because she was so painfully awkward. No she wasn’t an Asperger’s or something but apparently she was homeschooled and VERY willing to be sexually overboard and willing to do anything. Hence the boxed items really weren’t a big deal to her while she assembled them.

No we didn’t break up because of that though we did start a sexual relationship. SHE wanted to try all sorts of stuff that kinda surprised me but given the whole ‘box of delights’ i should have seen it coming. Blood stuff, pee stuff. I cannot overemphasize that she was a VERY sweet girl, just a fulminating mess of confused heterosexuality in a 20 year old body.

14. I was roofied by a cougar

I honestly got roofied by a woman twice my age. She was not attractive and literally fucked everyone. I knew a couple of guys who got the clap from here. She kept hitting on me and I walked away a minute. I FUCKING LEFT MY BEER BY HER AND DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT. Half way through it I don’t feel right. I mean serious buzz has kicked in.
The problem is you feel buzzed at first then you are just dumb as shit. I stopped drinking at this point but got talked into getting in a different vehicle with people I knew. Didn’t realize she got in too. Get to bar number 2 and I just want to sleep.

Nope. Had to get out of the vehicle. Fuck. Tried to hide from her(I know it had to look comical. Called a friend but did it over face book. I even have his phone number. He comes and saves my ass and drags me back to the town I’m from and started in. Not along drive but when he picked me up I couldn’t hardly talk. By the time we got back to my home town I could talk fine. We sat a minute and then I left. Head felt weird the next day and I had a sour stomach but I got away.

15. She tried to live life just like I did

Chick broke into my college dorm, went in the bathroom, draped my towel around her, put my shaving cream all over her face and started using my razor

She said she wanted to know what it felt like like to me as I was getting ready in the morning.

16. She hid in the backseat of my car like she wanted to rob me

Hid in the backseat of my car, wanting to surprise me when I got off of work. She was aiming for “cute and quirky.” I thought I was being robbed. Scared the absolute shit out of me. She COULD NOT understand how I didn’t find it hilarious. I was officially, in her eyes, branded “no fun,” and we broke up pretty soon thereafter.

17. She did a “tongue based experiment” on my mouth

I met a girl at the bar I usually go to, she seemed to be really into me and we have a lot of the same interests so we talked for most of the evening. Found out she is 6 years older than me which didn’t bother me much considering how cool she seemed, thought that her added experience might teach me some new interesting things, boy did it. After the bar closed (2am) We went to her place and luckily her roommate was away for the holidays. Fast forward a bit and things are starting to get heated as we are making out and almost naked on the couch. Straddling me she tells me to “relax my mouth”, confused I comply with her request. She starts to what I can best describe as perform a tongue based examination of my mouth. Not in a weird make out kind of way, more as sticking her tongue between my lips and teeth, both the teeth in front and to the back while doing a kissing motion with her lips every so often. I give it a few minutes of trying to figure out what she is trying to do while kissing her back which she then told me not to do and just to relax. I could endure about a minute of sitting with my mouth open while she tongue-explore-kissed me before it got too weird for me, the whole time I felt like a mother bird feeding its children with food in its mouth. I started moving for her to get off, lit a smoke and asked her what that was. “Oh its just something I like to do, I find it to be very intimate”, intimate is not the world I would use to describe that event. I finished half of my smoke, got up and told her I gotta go while already heading for the door. I have not responded to any of her calls/messages.

18. She tried to bribe me to date her

Back in high school, I was dating this super insecure girl. When I started to realize that things weren’t going to work out, I started to distance myself and eventually break up. Once she figured out what I was doing, she tried to bribe me. Literally came to school with a fat wad of cash and tried to get me to keep dating her. Stupid high school me thought that was beneath his dignity and firmly rebuffed her.

Now that I’m in college, I am more than willing to whore myself out to her.

19. She faked a pregnancy and stole a car for me

I had a girlfriend tell me her grandmother died and left her a huge inheritance. My family and I had been so awesome to her, that she bought me a freakin’ brand new car. Was rocking the heck out of it until she started getting sketchy about the details of the deed and registration. Turns out, she was a certified pathological liar. She took a car on a test drive and just never brought it back. Believe it or not, she’s done worse. She also faked sonograms to convince me she was pregnant, and it turns out those hour long trips to the ATM to get cash were actually appointments she made hooking on Craigslist. Oh, and she faked her mother’s death so she could manipulate her way into moving in with me. Sadly, I have more to go, but not sure if anyone will even read this. All the above is certified, 100% true.

20. She took the train, just to stare at me

This girl who had a crush on me in high school took the same train home as me for a few months. I saw her every once in a while, but we never really talked.

I found out the year that I graduated from a friend of hers that she didn’t even live near me, or off of the train line I took. She would take the train, the get off and take a bus to get home, when it would’ve been easier for her to take the line that dropped closer to home. Her friend said that she made it to be like she did it so we could hang out, when we never spoke a word, except for maybe a, “Hi.”

21. She begged me to date her

In public, this girl got on her knees and asked (begged) to be my GF.

22. She sent me videos of her touching her tampons

Sent me a snapchat of her freshly used tampon in video form where she sniffs and licks it. “Thinking of you” was the caption.

23. A girl taped pictures of babies to my door to prove we were meant to be

Third year of undergrad, living in a coed dorm. Down the hall was a room of freshmen girls, all kind of nice in a cloying sort of way, and heavily religious – not my thing, though I’ve got nothing against it.

One of the girls had parents who lived near mine, and she caught a ride home with me for Thanksgiving. We made bland small talk for the two-hour ride, just to pass the time. Dropped her off at her folks’ place, and didn’t think twice about it.

Two weeks later, back at school, I came home from class to find… pictures of babies taped up all over my door. Like, a few dozen, all clipped out of magazines. Courtesy of the girl.

I just kind of stared at it blankly for a moment, and feeling majorly creeped out and having no idea what to make of it, I peeled them all off and threw them away.

Three days later… same thing. This was the girl’s way of hitting on me. Because somehow, in her mind, that trip home proved that we were meant for each other, and this was her idea for provoking some subconscious parenting instinct, prompting us to get religiously married and have lots of babies together.

I threw them away again. She never mentioned it and never talked to me again. And that was OK by me.

24. She said those three little words way too early

Said, “I love you” not 1 hour after asking her out. We hadn’t even gone on the date yet!

25. A drunken stranger stuck a finger up my ass

I was waiting to order a drink at a bar in Tallahassee when I felt something go up my ass. I turn around fist raised and it was a VERY drunk FSU girl with her finger up my ass. I was wearing basketball shorts and admittedly shouldn’t have been commando at the time, so she really got up there. When I lowered my fist and yelled, “What the fuck?!” she started rapping “guilty conscience” by Eminem. She rapped pretty flawlessly for anout a minute before I finally took in the whole situation and decided to walk away. No part of that story is false. Floridians are just the weirdest fucking people on the planet.

26. She sent a card full of her own pubic hair

My brother was seeing some loopy broad. She sent him a Valentine’s Day card… full of her pubic hair.

27. She choked herself on a webcam

Tried choking on all kinds of fruits on webcam thinking it would turn me on, she even puked one time but she just continued. Most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced.

28. She carved my initials in her leg

She carved my initials in her leg… before I met her.

29. A female customer would loudly admire my ass

I don’t think it was meant to be romantic, it was just plain creepy. I work retail at a hardware store, this lady is a regular customer. These days I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding her when she comes in but for a while it was difficult. Keep in mind, there is probably a 40 or 50 year age difference. She will always ask me to get things off the bottom shelf, repeatedly changing her mind, just so she can stare at my ass. That wasn’t the creepy part though.

What makes it creepy is the ridiculous sigh of satisfaction she would let out every time I bent over. Like full breath in through the nose followed up with a serious lip licking/smacking and a long “Aaaahhhhh” that sent a shiver down my spine. The kind of heavy sigh of satisfaction that you let out with your first sip of coffee in the morning or when you flop onto your bed after a long day. The first time it happened I finally understood what women mean when they say they hate being treated like a piece of meat. I felt kind of violated.

30. She sent me a picture of her asshole

I didn’t know this girl very well, but we were in math class together sophomore year in high school. She got my number through Facebook I guess and one day I woke up to a picture of her butthole. Not an ass pic or anything actually sexy, just a close up picture of her poop chute. I did not act on this.

31. A girl hid condoms in my personal items so I would sleep with her

A girl used to hide condoms in my jacket for a few months. The condoms started out cheap, like the free kind you get from the Great American Condom Campaign, but they got progressively nicer and nicer. When I found a lambskin condom in my water bottle I finally decided enough was enough and confronted her about it. It was all very strange.

32. Her mother helped her stalk me

One day after work I decided to x-mas shopping for my mom. As I was leaving work I got a phone call from this girl. She asked me what I was doing and I said I was going to Walmart to buy my mom a x-mas gift. She asked me if she could come with me. I said no I am not near your house. She immanently said “why do you always lie to me?” I asked her what she was talking about and she said to look in my rear view mirror. I looked and there she was in the passenger seat next to her mom driving right behind me. I hung up, pulled in to the parking lot, and ran for the doors. Unfortunately there was a empty spot right next to mine. So her mom pulled up right next to me. I went inside the store and waited there for about a hour. I bought my mom a present and walked back to my car. Her mom was still sitting here and started yelling at me asking why didn’t I love her daughter. Her daughter was clearly still in the car but the seat was laid all the way back and she wasn’t looking at me. I just said to leave me alone got in my car and started driving home. That wasn’t even the start of things. Before this happened she invited me over to her house for Thanksgiving dinner. I showed up she brought me inside locked the door behind me and started asking me why I didn’t love her daughter. There was no turkey, or any food, just one crazy mom trying to get someone to love her crazy daughter.

33. She finger painted with her own blood

Finger paint a heart on the wall, with her period blood.

34. She broke my furniture while trying to take nudes

She had her adult son take some nude photos of her, with messages written on her in cake frosting and whipped cream. And breaking some of my furniture by standing on it to get good angles. BTW, they were not good angles, and nothing turns me on like needing to repair my furniture because someone I hadn’t yet met was in my bedroom standing on things that were obviously not made to support more than 20 lbs.

35. She gave me her mother’s stolen wedding ring

When I was in elementary school, I had a girl who had a huge crush on me. She thought we were destined to be together, so she stole her mother’s wedding ring and taped it into a card that confessed her love to me.

Granted, it was elementary school, but I will never forget it.

36. She sent me her dirty underwear

Well, I had an ex once that sent me used, dirty panties in the mail because she thought she was being sexy. I was like EWW NO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. Although, I should have expected it from the girl who drove 17 hours straight to try and murder/castrate me after we broke up.

37. My best friend’s girlfriend confessed her love for me

My buddy’s girlfriend showed up at my front door drunk and ready to bang. She professed her love for me and had built up this secret relationship between the two of us in her head. Like, we had our song and stuff like that. She said that the only reason that she was still with him was so that she could see me. I was pretty creeped out.

I was polite, but told her that I wasn’t interested in anyway. I made sure that she got home safe and then called my friend to tell him what happened. When he confronted her, she said that we had slept together that night. He called me on speakerphone in front of her and asked what happened. I told him the same story I told him the night before. He broke up with her right there and threw her out of his house.

She emailed me about 6 months later to tell me that she missed me. I did not respond.