Make The First Move, Because I’m Too Nervous To Do It Myself

Emily & Steve Photography
Emily & Steve Photography

I certainly wouldn’t consider myself a traditional woman. I don’t expect you to pay for my meals, and I don’t expect you to go off to work while I take care of all the housework. However, I would prefer it if you made the first move, because I don’t want to do it myself. If you ask me, that’s up to you.

I want someone who wants me. 

I don’t want you to agree to go out with me, just because I asked and you have nothing better to do. I want you to like me enough to ask me out yourself. I’m sick of being the one who cares too much. If I have to wait for you to make the first move, then I will, because I don’t want to pressure you or guilt you into a relationship with me. I want you to realize you like me on your own and make a conscious decision to turn me into your girlfriend.

I’m terrified of rejection.

I know that I’m an independent woman. I know that I’m not supposed to obsess over a man’s opinion of me. I know the worst thing that can happen if I ask you out is that I’ll get my feelings temporarily hurt. But no matter what I try to tell myself, I can’t work up the courage to ask you out. I’m sorry, but I can’t help how I feel.

I have no idea how you feel about me. 

I might not be the best at flirting, but I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about you. Asking me out wouldn’t be a risk at all. Even if you invited me to a dinner date at Burger King, you know that I’m going to say yes. But if I asked you out, there’s no telling what your answer would be. Would you admit that you’ve been waiting for me to make the first move for months? Would you explain that you’re not looking for a relationship in an attempt to let me down easy? Or would you laugh in my face for even thinking I had a chance with you? I honestly have no idea how you’d react.

I prefer men with confidence.

It might be hypocritical, since I’m too timid to make the first move myself, but I like men with confidence. After all, I don’t want to date the spitting image of myself. I want a man who takes initiative, inside and outside of the bedroom. If you aren’t going to go after what you want, then I don’t want you.

I don’t want to make it easy for you to screw me over. 

If I make the first move by leaning in and kissing you, and you just go with the flow, we’ll end up sleeping together. Then, the next morning, there will nothing stopping you from telling me that you have no interest in jumping into a real relationship with me. I won’t be able to blame you, because I was the one who initiated everything. I was the one who pressed my lips against yours without explaining what I wanted. That means you’ll get a free night of sex without having to feel bad about it.

I want you to be the one to plan out the date. 

I can tell a lot about a guy by where he takes me on the first date and by how early in advance he asks me out on that date. But if I’m the one who asks you out, I’ll be stuck doing all of the planning. I won’t get a chance to see how well you handle responsibility. And I won’t see how well you paid attention to my interests so you could craft a date that fits my personality. That’s why I don’t like the idea of taking the reigns. Or maybe I’m just lazy. Either way, the idea of making the first move scares the shit out of me. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

Start Now

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