Locking eyes with your boyfriend, hearing him say those three little words, and then refusing to say them back is uncomfortable. In fact, it’s downright painful, but I don’t give a damn. I’m not going to say, “I love you” unless I mean it.

Relationships shouldn’t be rushed.

I don’t want to skip ahead to the serious stage where I’m on a first name basis with his mom and leave toothbrushes at his house. I’m going to enjoy the beginning stages, when we’re awkwardly polite and are still excited to see each other naked. If we fast forward to love, we’ll end up missing out on precious moments that only new couples have.

The right guy will understand why I want to wait.

I’m not a total bitch. I’m not going to stare blankly at my boyfriend after he bares his soul to me. I’m going to explain the situation to him as gently as I can. I’ll tell him that I take “I love you” seriously, and that I don’t think it’s fair for me to say the words to him before I truly believe them myself. If he gets pissy after I’m honest with him, then we don’t belong together. I don’t want a man who prefers false affection. I want a man who’s willing to wait for the real deal.

Love at first sight is bullshit.

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe it’s possible to feel an emotion as intense and complicated as love, just by watching an attractive person walk by. I think you can tell if you have chemistry with someone from the very first time you meet. I even think it’s possible to predict that you’re eventually going to fall in love with a certain person. But I don’t think you feel that love right off the bat. That’s why those three little words won’t escape my lips early on in the relationship. I need time to get to know my boyfriend’s mind, heart, and soul before I can claim that I love every single piece of him.

I don’t confuse love for lust. 

There’s a reason why people claim “I love you” doesn’t count if it’s said right after sex. It’s because lust can confuse the hell out of you. But I’m smart enough to know the difference between liking someone a whole lot and loving someone. Believe it or not, complimenting me and giving me intense orgasms doesn’t guarantee my love. I won’t love him until I know him well, and I won’t know him well until I spend months of my time alongside him.

I don’t want to give out false hope. 

I don’t want to blurt out the words on a whim and make him think that our relationship is more serious than it is. That’s why I’m not going to tell someone I love them the first time the words cross my mind. I need time to process the feelings on my own. After I’m comfortable with the fact that I love him, and know that my feelings aren’t going to change anytime soon, then I’ll think about telling him. It’s a process.

Love is scary.

I’ll admit it. I’m terrified of falling in love. To me, it’s not some sweet concept that will turn my lonely life into an exciting adventure. It’s a ruthless emotion that’s capable of destroying everything I am. I don’t want to rush into something as dangerous as that. So if I say, “I love you,” then I must really mean it, because I’d rather feel numb than give you my whole heart.