Don’t You Dare Let Your Heartbreak Turn Into Self-Hatred

I know how much it hurts to get your heart broken. It can alter the way you feel when you wake up in the morning and when you glance in the mirror before bed. It can make you question everything you are and ever were. But be careful, sweetheart, because you don’t want to let your heartbreak turn into self-hatred.

Remember that it’s not your fault he’s gone.

He didn’t leave you, because you wanted to jump into a serious relationship. He left you, because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. He didn’t leave you, because you were too needy. He left you, because he couldn’t handle a woman who expects to be given affection. Stop acting like you were the problem. Your lack of compatibility was the only problem. So don’t torture yourself by thinking about all of the ways you could’ve done things differently. No matter what choices you would’ve made, the relationship would’ve eventually ended. You know why? Because he’s not the one for you.

Don’t use this as an opportunity to criticize yourself. 

Moping around about the pimples on your face or the extra five pounds you gained won’t solve anything. I understand that you’re upset right now, and you’re allowed to cry, but cry about losing him. Don’t cry about the way that you look and the way that you act. Focus on him. He’s the issue here.

No matter anyone says, you didn’t do anything wrong. 

Don’t call yourself an idiot, because you fell in love with an asshole. You couldn’t help it. Kissing him wasn’t wrong. Sleeping with him wasn’t wrong. Falling in love with him wasn’t wrong. There was no way for you to know that he was going to break your heart. Even if there were red flags you should’ve seen, hearts are blind. There was no stopping what happened. It’s not your fault for feeling.

You deserve so much better than what you’ve been given.

You deserve better than a guy who refuses to commit and picks and chooses when to text you back. And you know what else? You deserve better than that nagging voice in the back of your head, telling you you’re not pretty enough or interesting enough or fun enough. You wouldn’t allow another asshole into your heart, so why would you allow that self-destructive voice to keep occupying your mind? Replace it with a loving voice that reminds you that you’re worth it. That you’re everything a person could ever hope to be.

Not all men will see you how your ex saw you. 

Your ex hated the way you would walk around in sweatpants and hoodies. So what? There’s a man out there who will be turned on by that casual attitude. Instead of criticizing yourself over every little thing you can think of, criticize your ex for having unrealistic standards. I know you used to do whatever you could to make him happy, but there’s no need to play nice anymore. Fuck him. He has shitty taste.

You can give yourself the love that your ex should’ve given you. 

He doesn’t love you, but that shouldn’t stop you from loving yourself. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. You’re sweet. And above all, you deserve to be loved. If he’s not going to give you the attention that you need, then you can give it to yourself. Be your own boyfriend! Treat yourself to an expensive dinner, brag about yourself on social media, and give yourself a juicy orgasm. If no one else will love you, love yourself! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog