1. First and obvious
Fedoras. Please god, no more fedoras.
2. Come on
Girls do not find your pants hanging off your butt attractive. Stop it. Please.
3. Larry David had the opposite problem
Skinny jeans that give you a male form of camel toe are disgusting.
4. What are you, 12?
Axe body spray… most say more is more, some say less is more, I say just stop.
5. I took an arrow the the knee
Roughly sewn animal pelts.
And the blood of their enemies.
6. Do women really think men are slobs?
Less: stained t-shirts.
7. Good thing I don’t own any short sleeve button ups
Your ill-fitting acid wash jeans your mom bought for you in 2006 aren’t flattering.
I would also pay a good chunk of change to never see a dude wearing a short sleeve button up again.
8. Basically, no frump allowed
Less baggy tee shirts and saggy jeans.
9. Internet commenters, they always do this, but it’s so true
If you actually try to follow all of this advice, you’ll end up looking completely generic and impress no one.
If a girl hates the shit out of something, there’s gonna be another girl who fucking loves it.
Some girls love that skinny emo shit, some love gangsta shit, some love nerd chic shit, some love suits, some love hippie stuff, some love hipster-wear, and so on and so on. No one hates or loves a generic fitting top with generic pants. It’s just acceptable.
Don’t waste your time listening to girls, unless it’s just one category of girl. I’d say you should look at guys clothing, see which ones you think are fucking awesome, and draw inspiration from that. Polarizing people is good. Don’t be safe.
10. But what if you had a confident asshole?
Wear more confidence and less cocky asshole.
12. Ed Hardy hater over here
I hate when guys wear flip flops. I have no idea why. Or if they wear those Ed Hardy-looking caps. Anything Ed Hardy is bad. Fedoras are stupid too. Clothes that are way too form fitting don’t look very good.
13. Sorry hipsters
Less of these low v-neck shirts. I am not a fan of this “meavage”.
14. Jealous much?
I hate when guys wear short shorts or skinny jeans tighter than mine.
15. But you know he looks good in almost anything
Guys, please stop the birkenstocks, overalls, and white pants on anyone other Johnny Depp.
16. Wait…Howie Mandel?
Less mandals with socks.
17. Stop it with the nipples, seriously
I always thought these shirts were really awkward. Sometimes the front collar is cut really low so the shirt barely covers their nipples.
These shirts can also leave.
18. Guys, seriously stop
Fedoras are idiotic, and you don’t look stylish in them. You look dumb as hell.
19. Seriously, guys stop
If you wear a fedora I automatically think you’re a creeper.
20. Stop, guys, seriously
If you find yourself thinking “Would a fedora make me more dapper?” DO NOT WEAR A FEDORA, IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU MORE DAPPER.
21. No guy wants to wear something that does this
I can’t take a male seriously if he’s wearing dick squeezing skinny jeans.
22. We’ll all judge you
If you’re wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, I will judge you.
23. Don’t follow this advice
24. Especially not during winter
Stop wearing flip flops with jeans. JUST STOP.
25. Yeah, classier ways, like a Fedora, or a Fedora, or a Fedora
Please, no more “nerd” t shirts. There are classier, more subtle ways to show you’re a fan of something. I just see those shirts as someone crying, “I’m unique! I’m quirky! ACCEPT ME!”
26. Let me drive home this point
Fedoras. I know, I know you’re saying, “But I’m the exception, I can pull it off. I’m not like those guys. I’m bringing back old Hollywood class.” I’m doing you a service by informing that no, you’re not pulling it off and yes, you do look just as douchey as every other fedora wearer. No fedoras, no exceptions.
Also, I don’t give a shit that you call it a trillby.
27. One more time
More of not wearing fedoras.