I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality - Here's What They Had To Say

I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality – Here’s What They Had To Say


INTJs And Sexual Orientation

Of the 203 participants sampled:

77% identified as heterosexual
13% identified as bisexual or pansexual
4% identified as homosexual
4% identified as asexual
2% identified as ‘other.’

INTJs And Sex Drive

When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.00.

INTJs And Hookup Culture

When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”

50% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
48% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”

INTJ Commentary:

1. “As an INTJ, I plan everything I do down to the last detail. Overthinking is second nature. This has ensured I’m very aware of and in touch with my sexuality. Sometimes, however, I have trouble letting go and experiencing sex in the moment.”

2. “I am comparatively asexual but when I do engage in sexual activity/find myself sexually attracted to an individual then I become highly, even obsessively sexual. I do not see any positive correlation between my MBTI type and sexuality apart from the fact that I am a sapiosexual. Intelligence works as my aphrodisiac. Unlike stereotypical INTJs, I have indulged in casual hook-ups and one night stands occasionally and it was completely need based/sans emotions.”

3. “I analyze the maturity and level of internalized homophobia in each person I date. I also analyze the person for tendencies to being stuck in gender roles or heteronormative relationship structures. Also, on the 1-10 sex drive scale, it depends. When I’m in a relationship I’m a 10. Always want it with that person. When I’m single. Every few weeks.”

4. “Being an INTJ makes me slower to become attracted to people and slower to develop relationships but once I am on a relationship I have a strong sex drive — sometimes higher than my partner.”

5. “I think that being an INTJ means that I am driven to be the best sexual partner I can be. I have spent a lot of time researching sex and sexuality. Learning about kinks and fetishes can really help spice things up. I am also driven to learn about my partner, and how to please her most. I can say that sometimes the drive to be efficient can make sex bland, but still satisfying for me. Sometimes I can get stuck in ‘I know what works, lets just do that.’ I also see sex and sexual relationships from a logical standpoint, and I realize that I may not be able to give my partner everything she needs, and I am not afraid of an open relationship, at least in theory. For me, honesty around sex is more important than obligated fidelity. I am married now, so fidelity is important too, but lying about sex with someone else would be way more of a dealbreaker than just having sex with someone else.”

6. “I have trouble connecting sexually with someone if there isn’t some sort of connection of minds going on; so, usually it’s other people with Ni/Ne and/or Fi. I also have the INTJ perfectionist thing going for me. So, if I can’t engage fully and make it interesting when the opportunity arises, I don’t pursue–no sex is better than bad sex for me.”

7. “I like to experience and give pleasure accurately. So research and experimentation is quite beneficial.”

8. “It’s very hard for me to ‘go after’ women and casually flirt. I’m only able to flirt with girls that I’m close with otherwise I usually have a hard time with women. This had led to me losing allot of great opportunities with other potential mates and a very inactive sexual and romantic life.”

9. “First off, I do NOT think INTJs are unemotional, asexual beings. I think it takes quite the individual to impress and attract an INTJ, and while that is not easy, the right person can elicit a very strong reaction from an INTJ. If someone can make me feel safe enough to let my brain take a backseat, the result is some very intense passion. On another note, in a healthy relationship, my type’s desire to do things the ‘right’ or ‘best possible’ way makes me eager to please and very open to exploring my partner’s desires, fantasies, etc. to best satisfy them.”

10. “I tend to think of sex either in purely functional terms (i.e., we’re horny and we love each other so let’s take care of this) or like another creative project (e.g., I have this cool idea for getting you off using this program I wrote for an Arduino)”

11. “I think that being an INTJ with an ENFP partner has allowed me to feel more comfortable trying new things and expressing my sexuality.”

12. “I think for me to enjoy myself sexually, I actually need to disengage my mind and let my animal instincts take charge. I’m sexually attracted to playful people in bed. Sex is an escape from reality for me. I like to keep my sex personality separate from my normal (INTJ) personality. Having Ni as my dominant function also allows me to learn what someone likes quickly. All this being said, most women are insecure feeling types. Unfortunately for me, I am largely turned off by this, to the point I thought I might be asexual for a short time period.”

13. “I like to stick what works and do not have have patience for things like role playing…one the other hand I will tweak things, even research ‘moves’ or what not that I want to get right! Oh and I think that porn is just plain stupid.”

14. “I think being an INTJ is part of why I am able to be successfully polyamorous. I am married and have a boyfriend. I do have to deliberately try to meet their needs because ew, emotions, but I also think my logic is what allows me to navigate through my jealousy and my intuition is what allows me to navigate through my partners’ jealousy. I very much believe that being INTJ makes me unaware of my body and my own arousal. I’ll ignore being aroused just so I can sleep. Sex is pretty low on the priority list for me. (I am also recovering from a long depression, so perhaps that’s part of my lack of sex drive.) My husband is an INTP, and my boyfriend is an ENFP. I will say my relationship with my boyfriend is a bit… easier than with my husband. We don’t struggle to understand each other as often. But my relationship with my boyfriend is only a couple month’s old, while I’ve been with my husband for 6 years.”

15. “As an INTJ female, I am naturally in my head all the time. I think that explains why I have always thoroughly enjoyed, and preferred, monogamous sex. Once I decide to let someone into my life and my head, letting them into my bed makes sense. I can be free and uninhibited in every way. Casual sex has never been of interest to me, but sex with an ex ABSOLUTELY!”

16. “I’ve read a few things that have said that INTJs tend to be creative lovers, which is definitely the case with me since I’ve always had things I’ve wanted to experiment with.”

17. “Sex is one of those things that I can actually be in the moment with. I don’t have to think, as opposed to my brain running all the time. Sex can reset a stressed or overthinking INTJ.”

18. “I am very decisive about what I want and very logical about figuring out how to get it. Although I’m female, I generally am always the one who has pursued my male partners and taken the lead. There have been some exceptions but generally I’m The Mastermind planner in bed too.”

19. “It’s difficult to meet people, and then it’s challenging to let them in enough to pursue an open, exciting, mutually gratifying sexual relationship. I get companionship from a core group of friends, so it often seems too daunting and not worthwhile to seek out sexual/romantic partners.”

20. “Being an INTJ makes me more selective … which is good in many ways, and lonely at times. Though I have had some casual flings, I can’t fake attraction, and for that to happen there has to be both physical and intellectual attraction at a minimum. Once I feel attraction (which can take a minute or months, depending on the person — I’m all in. Super affectionate and sexually expressive. More so than many of my partners. Even you ENFPs … who are like catnip to me. Sigh.”

21. “I am a 25-year-old woman and still a virgin. I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend before, and I believe being an INTJ has somewhat contributed to my still being at virgin at this age. INTJs exercise delayed gratification and don’t tend to engage in any activities that will make us emotionally vulnerable to those who cannot be trusted.”

22. “As an INTJ, I’m constantly looking for ways to improve / optimize sex with my partners. I want to know how things can be better, and I appreciate honest communication about this. However, not everyone likes to give feedback (or at least “honest” feedback) so oftentimes it’s a guessing game that I’m trying to get better at playing. I don’t know for being an INTJ influences who I’m attracted to in terms of men or women, but most of the people I’m attracted to seem to be ENFPs, ENTPs, and INFPs. I tend to stay away from ESTJs.”

23. “Well, I think we don’t get attracted to people physically as much as we get attracted to them mentally. (Sadly, despite popular opinion, this does not bode so well.) As a result, I don’t think we’d be enticed by the casual hookup culture. However, once we find a sexual partner we get real kinky.”

24. “I think that my type causes me to understand how someone finds their way to various kinks and doesn’t judge them as harshly as others may. I also think my type looks at sex logically, which actually allows us to try new things more readily (This seems counterintuitive, I know…). We love to plan, and planning something new and kinky is always worth it.”

25. “I suppose because INTJ’s think more logically, that I find my experience of sexuality uncomplicated, in a sense that when I’m in, I’m all in. I over-analyze everything, so I’d want my sexual experiences to be an area where I don’t feel like I need to over-analyze. I’m attracted to what works. I very rarely feel unsatisfied with what I know and like, but will be willing on branching out slightly for the sake of a partner.”

26. “I have introverted intuition, so it’s natural for me to see patterns and stereotype. I can tell from a mile away if a girl is a naughty vixen or a starfish in bed. I can also tell by her subtle cues if she’s wanting the same with me, and I can predict with overwhelming accuracy if at the end of a date I’m smashing or not so that I don’t waste my valuable time that, as an INTJ, I cherish above all.”

27. “My type impacts my sexuality in three ways; first I hook-up with extroverts almost exclusively. Second, sex is a replaceable/replicable high that I can also get from problem solving. Third, sex itself is approached as a problem to be solved and that opens me up to trying new solutions and constantly studying and evolving techniques to that problem.”

28. “Se as my Inferior function may explain why I tend to over-indulge in sex, even masturbation. My Fi is well enough developed, and I seek intimate relationships all the time, be it only sexually or in the common sense of the term.”

29. “My N I believe allows me to enjoy new and kinky stuff in bed. I do this typically only when I am completely comfortable with my partner. Me inferior Se function I think really craves sex.”

30. “It honestly seems very fitting that my personality type would identify as I do. Especially at my young age, it is far less common to view relationships as long-term rather than looking only at the short-term game that most seem to play of stimulating infatuation and ending things when the small period of bliss comes to an end. Being so aloof to societal norms as it is, I have yet to find mutual interest in any relationship because I naturally have such a long-term view of a relationship dynamic. Sexual attraction itself is completely secondary to the ultimate success of a relationship to me. If there are substantial reasons for me to believe a relationship wouldn’t work in the long run, then I see no reason to engage in any relationship whatsoever, even one that would perhaps last just for the near future. These considerations certainly fall into place for an INTJ, though I think my complete abstinence is a bit extreme and results from many other contributing factors from my life personally.”TC mark

Jump To:

Rationals: ENTP / INTP / ENTJ / INTJ
Artisans: ESTP / ISTP / ESFP / ISFP
Guardians: ESTJ / ISTJ / ESFJ / ISFJ
Idealists: ENFP / INFP / ENFJ / INFJ


About the author
Heidi is the author of The First New Universe, The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide, and The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide. Follow Heidi on Instagram or read more articles from Heidi on Thought Catalog.

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