I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality – Here’s What They Had To Say
We all experience sexuality a little differently. In a recent survey, I asked each Myers-Briggs personality to open up about their sexual orientation, preferences and experiences. I received an overwhelming number of thoughtful responses from each type, expanding on how their personality relates to their experience of sex and sexuality. Here’s what each type had to say.
ENTPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 107 participants sampled:
74% identified as heterosexual
19% identified as bisexual or pansexual
6% identified as homosexual
1% identified as ‘other.’
ENTPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.83.
ENTPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
26% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
66% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
13% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ENTP Commentary:
1. “Being ENTP has made me rather sapiosexual.”
2. “As an ENTP I constantly seek new things to explore in the bedroom – after a while one runs out of the “normal” bedroom things and starts to use whips, ball gags, restraints etc. Additionally I try to change up the location (more public/taboo) and make more elaborate plans for dominating/submitting. This all stems from my desire to constantly explore my own sexuality and my unhesitating approach to trying new things.”
3. “ENTPs need to be constantly improving, learning and growing… and my sexuality is 100% affected in this same way.”
4. “I don’t limit myself to one gender, or partner for that matter. I’m in an open/polyamorous relationship(s). I also like some kink/fetish stuff and tend to be switchy, depending on the partner, or circumstances. There are no rules or specific expectations when it comes to my sexuality. I just want everyone involved to feel good. Im constantly looking for new ways to do that better, and keep things fresh.”
5. “I believe that the ENTP’s tendency for boredom drives us to try new and exciting things sexually, however since my type dives deep into different interests, in this case, religion. My passion and respect for my religion has inflated my preference for heterosexual monogamy.”
6. “Being an ENTP I don’t have the emotional connection with sex that other types do, therefore I’ve been more open sexually. Also, I’m not attracted to one type or even one gender, I’m more attracted to their brain or how they are in bed. I also firmly believe that humans are not meant to me monogamous; but that doesn’t mean you can’t carry on a long term monogamous relationship; I just believe that you should explore all of your options before settling down.”
7. “I’m such a carefree spirit most of the time that for me, sexually, it’s so desirable to have someone take charge, tell me what to do, MAKE me do something. Because in any other scenario, I will not be tamed.”
8. “Being so smart and outgoing is a recipe for being a hot slut.”
9. “They call ENTPs the ‘innovators’ for a reason. I am wildly curious, and love figuring out things my partners love in bed, especially when they are open and curious as well, because that usually ends up with us both finding new things to get excited about. It’s never boring, and having that ‘let’s get weird’ attitude has brought so many crazy amazing experiences.”
10. “Most ENTP individuals can’t stand boredom and routine, which is why we need a partner who is willing to be adventurous and proactive in bed (or wherever else we are having sex).”
11. “I like a bit of push as pull, like in a debate. So I seek out people who can read me, know when to take charge, and know when to sit back and let me drive. I tend to be open to new things but I’ll only dip my toe in. You’ll never find me instantly down a rabbit hole for a partner.”
12. “As an ENTP, I think the need for new and exciting things tends to spill over into my sex life. I get bored with the same thing over and over again. I’ll try anything once!”
13. “Being an ENTP makes it easy to charm people. I am adventurous, have many different past partners of all different types. I am open minded and will try something I like if I like even a small bit. I don’t cry during sex and although I want to do it with meaningful people, its not a meaningful act. In the beginning I am very into sex and will give sex at any opportunity, but as I learn my partner it can get boring, I try to change things up but cant have sex more than 3 times a week because other things need to be done. I want to perfect my sex, my appeal all for my partner. I enjoy being single, but once I choose a partner they are what I grow with and for. Its intoxicating and breakups are harder.”
14. “ENTPs are open, progressive, creative and innovative thinkers who like to experiment in bed and with people. While we are not addicted to sex, we really really like it.”
15. “ENTP tendencies lend themselves to being effective in simplifying/purifying the sexual experience. We’re naturally inclined to evolve, the benefits of which are obvious in the bedroom with another E and a strong F. I personally am high in the thinking but can feed off the feeler’s energy. The results are extremely passionate love making, not goal-oriented or pragmatic practices in the sheets.”
16. “I’m open minded and more curious to try new things to find out what I like. Even though I’m gray-asexual I want to try a bit of everything, as long as it’s with a person I’m comfortable with.”
17. “I think Ne leads to a huge amount of experimentation. Having a Ti-Ne partner makes for an enriching and creative sex life!”
18. “I think my extroverted intuition makes me attracted to both sexes and the ideas of trying something new and not being afraid of what other people percieve as unusual. With my Ti, I just goes with what makes sense to me and gender doesnt typically matter when looking for a partner.”
19. “I tend to be energetic, dominant, interested in learning/trying new things, easily bored and preferring of intense experiences to soft romantic ones. I do have a hard time being present in the moment. I also tend to be loud, vocal, and not afraid of injuries. i think that sums up my personality in all sorts of arenas!”
20. “Being an Ne-dominant type is all about possibilities and experiencing new things. I would try anything once to feel I have had that life experience.”
INTPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 134 participants sampled:
69% identified as heterosexual
18% identified as bisexual or pansexual
6% identified as homosexual
2% identified as asexual
5% identified as ‘other.’
INTPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.25.
INTPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
41% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
55% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
5% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
INTP Commentary:
1. “I like sex like I like eating – daily, but simple. A basic need, something to desire without obsession, something worth having a good relationship with, but no need to get fancy. This is a bit how I imagine the INTP and/or Enneagram type 8 approaches many basic needs.”
2. “As an INTP, I have a thirst for knowledge and a love of learning. My sex life is something that I work to improve on, through research and experience. I take a very practical approach to my sex life, as I would with learning a new subject in school. I really do try my best to incorporate new things into my sex life while also improving upon my skills.”
3. “I’m still a virgin and I think this has to do with the fact that I’m not in a hurry to get involved with a relationship. If I were to find someone who really interested me then things would be different (I think they’re calling this demisexual? I have no idea). However I do have a high sex drive so go figure.”
4. “I approach sexuality like I do most things: an enigma to be solved. I enjoy learning new things about sex and my partner and feel most fulfilled when we discover new and different things we enjoy.”
5. “My heart tends not to be involved, or, I am totally flabbergasted when I find out that it is involved when I didn’t plan things that way.”
6. “I have difficulty getting out of my own head and being fully present in the experience. I sometimes wonder if that’s why I am drawn to BDSM; since many aspects of it are very conducive to letting go in a context that is still very controlled with defined rules for safety.”
7. “I think nurture trumps nature in this aspect. How you’re raised plays an enormous role in your sexuality and sex life. After you become an adult and can experiment and examine different relationships, it can change drastically. Those “kinks” may have been inside of you all along, but unlocking them is the only way you find them.”
8. “I think type has a profound influence on sexuality. I am not held back by black/white beliefs about how sex should be, because INTPs are able to see things for how they truly are without bias.”
9. “I spend a lot of time thinking about possible scenarios and fantasies. I’m more comfortable in my own head anyway.”
10. “I’m curious and open, that leads to exploration and acceptance. I have a weird addiction to overpowering someone but I also love to let go and let someone do the same to me, so I find I can play either role. If the foreplay doesn’t start with my head, I’m not going to be into my partner and I may callously use them for gratification. If I think they are playing me for sex, I will take them on a wild good chase and set them up just to give them the cold shoulder and toss them aside. I’m not usually like that in my personal life, but being manipulated in that way just does something to me.”
11. “Having sex is such a conscience choice for me that it’s difficult for me to act on urges alone. So when presented with new potential partners I go through a rather logical pros and cons list. As a result my count is very low compared to those my age and one nights stands are not existent.”
12. “I don’t relate to people well so I find physical intimacy to be difficult.”
13. “I’m quite withdrawn from the physical aspect of sex. But for that reason, I love paying attention to the buildup. The sighs, the tension, it’s what drives me. I’m quite shy at first but when I open up, I am willing to try a lot of things. My boyfriend appreciates that about me. I’m quite sure that’s safe to say.”
14. “I have an ideal vision of how my experiences should be and I tend to analyze my partners. I am quite attentive and want to feel a close relationship before engaging sexually.”
15. “My type perpetuates my disdain for casual hookups.”
16. “As a demisexual, I only feel comfortable with guys that are my friends first. I don’t make new friends often, as not many people interest me; I tend to not even call others ‘friends’ until I get to know them very well, and that’s exactly what happens with partners. When I find someone I like, I tend to stick to them and be loyal. I don’t know if my personality type has something to do with my preferences, though I can see how it could influence it in some cases: as a female INTP, I tend to be quirky, tomboyish, highly critical, and I’d rather have quality time with a person (discussing topics, playing boardgames, doing nothing together) than ‘physical touch,’ so I can see how that can be discouraging for people trying to get closer to me. i don’t feel bad about this: if I have someone who can tolerate my quirks and be with me, perfect; if not, I keep doing my stuff, and I don’t even remember/feel the need to be with someone.”
17. “Existing almost solely in my own head has really disconnected me from and even caused me to fear physical relationships even though I crave them.”
18. “I find deep mental, emotional connection difficult to find but necessary for best sexual fulfillment. My libido goes through the roof when I mentally connect with someone. I think that’s known as demisexual?”
19. “As an INTP it is hard to be so close to someone. Also I cannot be that close to anyone unless I am in a relationship with them. Sometimes it’s hard to just ‘go with the flow’ because I am always thinking so much. But I do enjoy sex. I think I am more sexual in my thoughts than in real life.”
20. “As an INTP, the ever thirsty for knowledge type, I think has definitely manifested itself in my sexuality being that I’ve had a very large number of partners, and have experienced many many facets of sexuality. I am an introvert so the socializing aspect of engaging in sex is always the hardest part. I like to get right down to the sexual experience and then after that the socializing isn’t as painful anymore.”
21. “I don’t think I enjoy interacting with people enough to find multiple partners. And I try to figure out the logistics of positions before trying them (left foot red, right hand green, …). An emotional connection is a must.”
22. “Perceiver = more open, open-minded, flexible, laid back, easy going, easy to please, etc.
Thinker = more direct, honest, and uncomplicated when it comes to sex and wants.
Intuitor + Perceiver (Ne) = helps coming up with creative ideas to keep things fun, fresh, and interesting.
Introvert = helps with focus and attention once things are in motion.”
23. “Being INTP gave me a scientific eye when it came to sex. I learned about it as much as I could from a very early age before I did it myself and was very interested in doing so. I wanted to see what the big deal was and if it was worth doing. I ended up losing my virginity at 18 in a one night stand and always separated my feelings from sex. It took getting into a long term relationship for me to develop feelings that tied with sex, which has made me enjoy sex much more. I feel like I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend as a consequence.”
24. “In feel that my personality type gives me a very clinical and matter of fact experience when it comes to sexuality.”
25. “As a really shy INTP who’s always stuck in his head it’s hard to make the connections with more outgoing people who are into casual sex. I prefer paying for sex because it seems more genuine, girl wants money, I want time with her body. I have cash, she has body. I’m usually only turned on by people I find intellectually stimulating.”
26. “I realize that sex is a biological function that involves dopamine and oxytocin and that kinks and fetishes are constructs built around rebelling against the social rules we are built to follow. Therefore, I have no fear or shame about these things. If something feels good, it does. Vaginal sex makes pleasure and babies, non-vaginal sex makes pleasure. None of that is wrong. Pair-bonding through any type of sexual activity increases the social advantage of the human species. However, I am generally against sexual practices that create disconnection between humans, like cheating, unplanned pregnancies, and spread of STIs. Anyways, I’m pretty sure viewing things this way is in line with being INTP. My INTP fiance thinks so.”
27. “As someone who is introverted, I think it can be hard to let someone in, so that’s definitely had an effect on my sexuality. But I also think since I’m kind of quiet and shy at times that people don’t expect me to be into kinkier things, but I am. It’s weird, and I’m still trying to connect to my sexuality, as I’m only 20.”
28. “I always was never interested in sex. Not sure if my personality type anything to do with it.”
29. “Through my adolescent years I believed myself to be asexual. I think maybe I felt sexuality to be a weakness and illogical. Once I fell in love those ideas changed and my sexuality was ‘awakened’ so-to-speak. I like things simple and fairly straightforward but I love experimenting as well. I like to push the limits and find out what makes her feel good. If my partner wanted to try something new I would be all for it. I like to be in control (a top you could say) but I do enjoy letting go. I’m an ‘assertive INTP’ so I think that might play into the dominance? My sex drive isn’t through the roof and if my partner was unable/didn’t want to/wasn’t pleasing I would not complain. My relationship doesn’t revolve around sex, it’s just a really great benefit.”
30. “‘Laziness breeding ingenuity’ is basically the INTP slogan, and it definitely applies to the bedroom.”
31. “I have come to understand that I feel a distinct psychological separation from physical desire. Being and INTP means being preoccupied or strongly oriented towards my mental world and this tendency manifests itself as the aforesaid separation.”
32. “I was demisexual/asexual-spectrum for the first 30+ years of my life. I had to learn to engage my lower functions and get out of my head in order to enjoy sexual experience, but once I did/do that, I can be very passionate and fun. While my partner introduced me to many new things, he has no drive to delve into more new things, but I am very much interested in exploring. In many cases, it still is not sexual attraction that leads me to engage in these activities but rather curiosity and enjoying the process of learning about myself (and others) and how I respond to things, learning a new way of communicating altogether, etc.”
33. “I’m an INTP. I don’t think I’ve even touched another human being in weeks.”
ENTJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 64 participants sampled:
70% identified as heterosexual
20% identified as bisexual or pansexual
5% identified as homosexual
2% identified as asexual
3% identified as ‘other.’
ENTJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 7.02.
ENTJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
37% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
60% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
3% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ENTJ Commentary:
1. “I am adventurous, I like regularly scheduled sexual intercourse, and I’ll like learning about why our bodies behave the way they do during sex and how to improve the experience as a result.”
2. “I think being an ENTJ has made me more gregarious about sex and has given me plenty of self-esteem to go get plenty of sex with new people whenever I wanted before I married. I think it made me very practical about meeting my physical/hormonal needs and not buying into sexist thought, as a woman.”
3. “As a female ENTJ, I’m aggressive and domineering. Not surprised that I’m a bisexual.”
4. “As a ENTJ I’m always in a position of leadership or wanting to be in control of my life, in bed I find it relaxing (and awesome) to be the opposite and have someone else be in control, although it is hard to find partners that are willing to be dominant in bed and maybe more submissive in the other aspects of the relationship.”
5. “I am not hesitant about trying new things with someone I trust…and if I can be in control (the choices are mine to make). I can tell within a few minutes if I’ll like it or not. I also want time to research (literature or video) so I know what to expect.”
6. “The relationship between my type and my sexuality is complicated. Being an assertive, dominant woman who is also a femme lesbian makes me a weird sort of partner, and makes finding a significant other very hard. Women who date women tend to be radical idealists, which I find annoying. I have yet to find a person I would date, because honestly, I’m a lesbian who can’t stand most lesbians my age.”
7. “Directness is knowing what I like and want. I’m very happy to try almost anything once but if I don’t like it then you won’t find me doing it again. My personality has made me try to ignore feelings related to sex for a long time – but now I recognize that feelings are always involved in sex for me and that’s ok, it’s not all physical.”
8. “I am very loyal and private with this area of my life. Only a select few have ever made the cut and there was longevity involved as part of the selection criteria.”
9. “I often check in with myself to ensure that I’m sexually satisfied; I easily communicate my desires, and I expect my partner to do the same.”
10. “I think as a female ENTJ/8, guys aren’t as surprised when I’m more aggressive. Honestly, I think personality leads to guys assuming I’m going to be pretty forward sexually. That’s not wrong.”
11. “Being and entj as well as 3w2 with an sx/so variant has influenced my sexual experience because I don’t want to waste my time with countless partners(entj) because I have a desire for true intimacy and companionship, not just sexual pleasure(sx). Although I do have a very high libido, I am the master of my life, I refused to be mastered by anything(type 3).”
12. “I don’t think my MBTI type informs my sexual orientation much, but I believe it has a lot to do with exploring new things in the bedroom as well as always trying to achieve my ultimate goal: my partner’s pleasure. Hold nothing back.”
13. “As a planner and a sexual dominant my type probably plays a key role in my sexuality since I am expected to manage and direct the experience.”
14. “I think ENTJs tend to have really high ambitions (usually career wise) and sometimes romance/meaningless sex isn’t on our agenda.”
15. “I think I’m very confident in myself and that allows me to be open and comfortable, especially in terms of communication. However, because I have a very dominant personality in public, I do prefer someone slightly more dominant as a partner that can challenge me and take over that position. I am not a submissive all the time in bed, but I do enjoy being so often when the time arises. In addition, I have always seen myself as straight but just unusually open to experiences and led myself to believe that until recently. With a recent experience, I realize that I still have a greater attraction to the opposite sex, but my attraction to the same sex isn’t incidental, which made me realize that identify as more bisexual.”
16. “My partner needs to be engaging/fun/active or I won’t have sexual interest regardless of how beautiful she may be physically.”
17. “I think being an ENTJ makes me more confident in bed, but I like to know ahead of time that we’ll be having sex. I’m not spontaneous about sex, to the point my husband (an ISFP) and I schedule it on our calendar!”
18. “I’m usually quite dominating but in bed I can give control to the other person a lot more easily than in other situations. In other situations I like to focus on what I’ll get from the situation, but in bed I focus fully on my partner. If she’s enjoying it, I enjoy it. Sex is about constant exploring and finding new ways to please your partner and getting better at it.”
INTJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 203 participants sampled:
77% identified as heterosexual
13% identified as bisexual or pansexual
4% identified as homosexual
4% identified as asexual
2% identified as ‘other.’
INTJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.00.
INTJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
50% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
48% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
INTJ Commentary:
1. “As an INTJ, I plan everything I do down to the last detail. Overthinking is second nature. This has ensured I’m very aware of and in touch with my sexuality. Sometimes, however, I have trouble letting go and experiencing sex in the moment.”
2. “I am comparatively asexual but when I do engage in sexual activity/find myself sexually attracted to an individual then I become highly, even obsessively sexual. I do not see any positive correlation between my MBTI type and sexuality apart from the fact that I am a sapiosexual. Intelligence works as my aphrodisiac. Unlike stereotypical INTJs, I have indulged in casual hook-ups and one night stands occasionally and it was completely need based/sans emotions.”
3. “I analyze the maturity and level of internalized homophobia in each person I date. I also analyze the person for tendencies to being stuck in gender roles or heteronormative relationship structures. Also, on the 1-10 sex drive scale, it depends. When I’m in a relationship I’m a 10. Always want it with that person. When I’m single. Every few weeks.”
4. “Being an INTJ makes me slower to become attracted to people and slower to develop relationships but once I am on a relationship I have a strong sex drive — sometimes higher than my partner.”
5. “I think that being an INTJ means that I am driven to be the best sexual partner I can be. I have spent a lot of time researching sex and sexuality. Learning about kinks and fetishes can really help spice things up. I am also driven to learn about my partner, and how to please her most. I can say that sometimes the drive to be efficient can make sex bland, but still satisfying for me. Sometimes I can get stuck in ‘I know what works, lets just do that.’ I also see sex and sexual relationships from a logical standpoint, and I realize that I may not be able to give my partner everything she needs, and I am not afraid of an open relationship, at least in theory. For me, honesty around sex is more important than obligated fidelity. I am married now, so fidelity is important too, but lying about sex with someone else would be way more of a dealbreaker than just having sex with someone else.”
6. “I have trouble connecting sexually with someone if there isn’t some sort of connection of minds going on; so, usually it’s other people with Ni/Ne and/or Fi. I also have the INTJ perfectionist thing going for me. So, if I can’t engage fully and make it interesting when the opportunity arises, I don’t pursue–no sex is better than bad sex for me.”
7. “I like to experience and give pleasure accurately. So research and experimentation is quite beneficial.”
8. “It’s very hard for me to ‘go after’ women and casually flirt. I’m only able to flirt with girls that I’m close with otherwise I usually have a hard time with women. This had led to me losing allot of great opportunities with other potential mates and a very inactive sexual and romantic life.”
9. “First off, I do NOT think INTJs are unemotional, asexual beings. I think it takes quite the individual to impress and attract an INTJ, and while that is not easy, the right person can elicit a very strong reaction from an INTJ. If someone can make me feel safe enough to let my brain take a backseat, the result is some very intense passion. On another note, in a healthy relationship, my type’s desire to do things the ‘right’ or ‘best possible’ way makes me eager to please and very open to exploring my partner’s desires, fantasies, etc. to best satisfy them.”
10. “I tend to think of sex either in purely functional terms (i.e., we’re horny and we love each other so let’s take care of this) or like another creative project (e.g., I have this cool idea for getting you off using this program I wrote for an Arduino)”
11. “I think that being an INTJ with an ENFP partner has allowed me to feel more comfortable trying new things and expressing my sexuality.”
12. “I think for me to enjoy myself sexually, I actually need to disengage my mind and let my animal instincts take charge. I’m sexually attracted to playful people in bed. Sex is an escape from reality for me. I like to keep my sex personality separate from my normal (INTJ) personality. Having Ni as my dominant function also allows me to learn what someone likes quickly. All this being said, most women are insecure feeling types. Unfortunately for me, I am largely turned off by this, to the point I thought I might be asexual for a short time period.”
13. “I like to stick what works and do not have have patience for things like role playing…one the other hand I will tweak things, even research ‘moves’ or what not that I want to get right! Oh and I think that porn is just plain stupid.”
14. “I think being an INTJ is part of why I am able to be successfully polyamorous. I am married and have a boyfriend. I do have to deliberately try to meet their needs because ew, emotions, but I also think my logic is what allows me to navigate through my jealousy and my intuition is what allows me to navigate through my partners’ jealousy. I very much believe that being INTJ makes me unaware of my body and my own arousal. I’ll ignore being aroused just so I can sleep. Sex is pretty low on the priority list for me. (I am also recovering from a long depression, so perhaps that’s part of my lack of sex drive.) My husband is an INTP, and my boyfriend is an ENFP. I will say my relationship with my boyfriend is a bit… easier than with my husband. We don’t struggle to understand each other as often. But my relationship with my boyfriend is only a couple month’s old, while I’ve been with my husband for 6 years.”
15. “As an INTJ female, I am naturally in my head all the time. I think that explains why I have always thoroughly enjoyed, and preferred, monogamous sex. Once I decide to let someone into my life and my head, letting them into my bed makes sense. I can be free and uninhibited in every way. Casual sex has never been of interest to me, but sex with an ex ABSOLUTELY!”
16. “I’ve read a few things that have said that INTJs tend to be creative lovers, which is definitely the case with me since I’ve always had things I’ve wanted to experiment with.”
17. “Sex is one of those things that I can actually be in the moment with. I don’t have to think, as opposed to my brain running all the time. Sex can reset a stressed or overthinking INTJ.”
18. “I am very decisive about what I want and very logical about figuring out how to get it. Although I’m female, I generally am always the one who has pursued my male partners and taken the lead. There have been some exceptions but generally I’m The Mastermind planner in bed too.”
19. “It’s difficult to meet people, and then it’s challenging to let them in enough to pursue an open, exciting, mutually gratifying sexual relationship. I get companionship from a core group of friends, so it often seems too daunting and not worthwhile to seek out sexual/romantic partners.”
20. “Being an INTJ makes me more selective … which is good in many ways, and lonely at times. Though I have had some casual flings, I can’t fake attraction, and for that to happen there has to be both physical and intellectual attraction at a minimum. Once I feel attraction (which can take a minute or months, depending on the person — I’m all in. Super affectionate and sexually expressive. More so than many of my partners. Even you ENFPs … who are like catnip to me. Sigh.”
21. “I am a 25-year-old woman and still a virgin. I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend before, and I believe being an INTJ has somewhat contributed to my still being at virgin at this age. INTJs exercise delayed gratification and don’t tend to engage in any activities that will make us emotionally vulnerable to those who cannot be trusted.”
22. “As an INTJ, I’m constantly looking for ways to improve / optimize sex with my partners. I want to know how things can be better, and I appreciate honest communication about this. However, not everyone likes to give feedback (or at least “honest” feedback) so oftentimes it’s a guessing game that I’m trying to get better at playing. I don’t know for being an INTJ influences who I’m attracted to in terms of men or women, but most of the people I’m attracted to seem to be ENFPs, ENTPs, and INFPs. I tend to stay away from ESTJs.”
23. “Well, I think we don’t get attracted to people physically as much as we get attracted to them mentally. (Sadly, despite popular opinion, this does not bode so well.) As a result, I don’t think we’d be enticed by the casual hookup culture. However, once we find a sexual partner we get real kinky.”
24. “I think that my type causes me to understand how someone finds their way to various kinks and doesn’t judge them as harshly as others may. I also think my type looks at sex logically, which actually allows us to try new things more readily (This seems counterintuitive, I know…). We love to plan, and planning something new and kinky is always worth it.”
25. “I suppose because INTJ’s think more logically, that I find my experience of sexuality uncomplicated, in a sense that when I’m in, I’m all in. I over-analyze everything, so I’d want my sexual experiences to be an area where I don’t feel like I need to over-analyze. I’m attracted to what works. I very rarely feel unsatisfied with what I know and like, but will be willing on branching out slightly for the sake of a partner.”
26. “I have introverted intuition, so it’s natural for me to see patterns and stereotype. I can tell from a mile away if a girl is a naughty vixen or a starfish in bed. I can also tell by her subtle cues if she’s wanting the same with me, and I can predict with overwhelming accuracy if at the end of a date I’m smashing or not so that I don’t waste my valuable time that, as an INTJ, I cherish above all.”
27. “My type impacts my sexuality in three ways; first I hook-up with extroverts almost exclusively. Second, sex is a replaceable/replicable high that I can also get from problem solving. Third, sex itself is approached as a problem to be solved and that opens me up to trying new solutions and constantly studying and evolving techniques to that problem.”
28. “Se as my Inferior function may explain why I tend to over-indulge in sex, even masturbation. My Fi is well enough developed, and I seek intimate relationships all the time, be it only sexually or in the common sense of the term.”
29. “My N I believe allows me to enjoy new and kinky stuff in bed. I do this typically only when I am completely comfortable with my partner. Me inferior Se function I think really craves sex.”
30. “It honestly seems very fitting that my personality type would identify as I do. Especially at my young age, it is far less common to view relationships as long-term rather than looking only at the short-term game that most seem to play of stimulating infatuation and ending things when the small period of bliss comes to an end. Being so aloof to societal norms as it is, I have yet to find mutual interest in any relationship because I naturally have such a long-term view of a relationship dynamic. Sexual attraction itself is completely secondary to the ultimate success of a relationship to me. If there are substantial reasons for me to believe a relationship wouldn’t work in the long run, then I see no reason to engage in any relationship whatsoever, even one that would perhaps last just for the near future. These considerations certainly fall into place for an INTJ, though I think my complete abstinence is a bit extreme and results from many other contributing factors from my life personally.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ESTP responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ESTPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 10 participants sampled:
80% identified as heterosexual
20% identified as bisexual or pansexual
ESTPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 7.60.
ESTPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
30% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
60% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
10% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ESTP Commentary:
1. “As an ESTP I constantly seek out stimulization i.e. Sex.”
2. “I am open to a lot of things and I am an extrovert on the verge of being an introvert. It took me a long time to finally explore my sexuality and when I did it opened up a whole world of possibilities.”
3. “I’m adventurous and open and love to turn my partner on in new ways all the time.”
4. “I’m an ESTP lol!!!”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ISTP responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ISTPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 23 participants sampled:
74% identified as heterosexual
13% identified as bisexual or pansexual
13% identified as ‘other.’
ISTPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.13.
ISTPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
39% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
57% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
13% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ISTP Commentary
1. “As an ISTP woman quite frankly I cannot comprehend how people have the emotional stamina and energy necessary to go through the rigmarole of meeting new people and “hooking up.” Secondly, I am happily married to my INTJ husband and while I sometimes find certain men attractive (usually celebrities) I have no interest in seeking out sex outside of the context of my marriage. In general I hate most people or find them repellant. Thirdly, if I am looking for sensory input, I’m more likely to go hiking or bicycling or spending time in nature than I am to look for sex. While I do have an average sex drive, my introversion usually propels me away from people rather than towards them.”
2. “I’m not particularly attracted to people who I don’t know, I pick my partners from those who have picked me.”
3. “Many people have commented that I do not appear to be a very sexual person, but the truth is that I am often underestimated. I can in fact be quite sexual, but only in committed relationships. Freely expressing my sexuality is only possible once I’ve opened up to my significant other, and this takes a while. This relates to my MBTI and enneatype a whole lot, I think. As an ISTP, opening up to someone is exhausting, and being enneagram 9, I have to feel a deep connection to someone in order to feel comfortable enough. My nature as an SP makes me more sensual and open than I may appear. It really only proves that appearances are deceiving.”
4. “I probably have less random sex, but when I’m in a relationship, we do it a lot. Especially in the morning when I wake up with a boner.”
5. “My type likes to find short cuts to getting things done. I like to do this in bed. Try new things to get to the best result.”
6. “I think my personality type has an exponential influence on my sexual experience. I tend not to interact with people unless it’s genuine. I’d rather be alone than force myself into an interaction that’s fake just because I need companionship. I can’t “fake it till I make it” so I definitely believe that part of my personality has affected my sexuality. Being genuine has to be organic especially in such an intimate way so I won’t have an active sex life unless the connection is authentic.”
7. “When I’m not intrigued by you, Im not attracted to you anymore. My type has a way of moving on before we finish things.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ESTJ responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ESTJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 35 participants sampled:
80% identified as heterosexual
17% identified as bisexual or pansexual
3% identified as ‘other.’
ESTJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.60.
ESTJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
40% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
54% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
6% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ESTJ Commentary
1. “I am definitely loyal and monogamous as my type would suggest, but I have a previous history of being more promiscuous. I’d say my sex drive is likely above normal overall, and I love experimenting in bed.”
2. “As I look for a serious long-term relationship, I find myself having a lot of brief flings with other people. They’re not necessarily casual hookups. I like to get to know women fairly quickly, and sex is usually involved at some point. But once I realize that we aren’t compatible for any reason, I quickly lose interest and cut things off. As an ESTJ, I’ve found that I’m usually the one to end a relationship because I can tell pretty quickly if things are going to work out or not.”
3. “I think my type affects my sexuality in that I lack sexual drive because I need to follow the rules and action steps to get there.”
4. “As an ESTJ I feel ashamed when trying new things.”
5. “I can be pretty focused on the end result, and can sometimes forget about the journey. I prefer to not be the aggressor or initiator, and will let my partner take the lead to let me know what they want. Once they do, I’m happy to oblige. I hate having to guess, though, and appreciate open communicators.”
6. “I research things a lot – I would never just ‘try something spontaneously’ but rather I would notice my curiosity, learn techniques/positions/tips and then attempt to have a go.”
7. “As an ESTJ woman my sex drive is often higher than the men I’ve dated. I tend to be more dominant.”
8. “I feel perhaps it actually holds me back from pursuing my suspected bisexual tendencies. I’m in a cycle of not wanting to pursue it until I’m certain, but then not being certain because I’ve never tried it.”
9. “Sex is one of the ways that I can really let loose, if I have a partner that makes me feel comfortable to do so, and it’s freeing, and somewhat contradictory to what people think my personality type would be – I’m also a female.”
10. “Si tells me how I’ve done it before should work; sometimes it does sometimes it doesn’t. Te makes me want to think of new things to try. My type 2 enneagram makes me want to go above and beyond to please my partner.”
11. “Being an ESTJ makes me more understanding of my partner so that I can do what I need to do to please him. It also allows me to verbalize exactly what I want sexually, essentially causing my partner to be very comfortable to open up to me.”
12. “I know ESTJs have a reputation for being all straight-laced and rule-following, but (at least, in my personal experience) that means we kind of tend the opposite way in bed. Needing to be always in control feeds a humiliation kink. A strong need to follow rules means you want to break them in bed: bi encounters, infidelity, etc., are that much hotter because they’re ‘wrong.’ My twenties kind of veered back and forth between being an in-control perfectionist, and being an absolute train wreck.”
13. “I’m straight forward when it comes to sex. I have no qualms about asking, so are we going to have sex? I dislike the head games and playing coy. Either it’s going to happen or not, we can still have a great evening without sex, but don’t lead me on. Be up front and open, it’s just sex not some taboo thing that shouldn’t be openly talked about.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ISTJ responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ISTJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 35 participants sampled:
74% identified as heterosexual
14% identified as bisexual or pansexual
3% identified as homosexual
3% identified as asexual
6% identified as ‘other.’
ISTJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.21.
ISTJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
57% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
42% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
1% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ISTJ Commentary
1. “I think being an ISTJ contributes to my high sex drive and kinks. Every other aspect of my life has to be in order, sex is my outlet to let loose and be wild.”
2. “It’s interesting – ISTJs are known for our moral high ground and so I swing back and forth between trying to be a proper woman with limited partners but my inner feminist always cries out that I should be able to have as many partners as I’d like. I realized I just don’t feel good about myself after a meaningless hookup so I prefer long term friend with benefits and relationships and grew out of casual hookups.”
3. “As an ISTJ, I think I tend to not stray from the norm, sexually. For example, my favorite position is generic missionary.”
4. “I’m practical, but also want to keep my partner pleased. As an ISTJ, this seems in line with the ‘duty fulfiller’ role assigned to my type.”
5. “Honestly, I wish I was more experimental and more extraverted to introduce new things.”
6. “The ISTJ rule-following, holding to traditions characteristics meant I went along with gender-stereotypical behavior and monogamy. From childhood I wanted to find the one man for me and marry him. However, good girls don’t initiate sex, don’t let on that they enjoy sex or that they even want sex. Now that I’m older I’m breaking these so-called rules and following what I want.”
7. “My type makes me very detail oriented heh.”
8. “I very much like having control during sexual activities.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ESFP responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ESFPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 31 participants sampled:
81% identified as heterosexual
13% identified as bisexual or pansexual
6% identified as homosexual
ESFPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 7.19.
ESFPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
35% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
65% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
10% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ESFP Commentary
1. “I have always thought of myself as very kinky and overly open minded when it comes to sex and gender, exploring and looking for different things out there. Realizing I was ESFP fit that orientation perfectly, I feel that my personality allows me to always look for more, ask for more and definitely WANT more. And I really don’t understand how can someone be so limited when it comes to sex and not want to explore.”
2. “I really don’t like rejecting people so I’d rather lead them on than give them an outright ‘no.’ So I’d rather keep the option open than close the door forever.
3. “I like spontaneity in my partner! My last FWB and I would always make plans to meet at the last second. Don’t know if this is the nature of college or just me specifically. When someone makes a point to meet up with me, or tries to set a specific place and time, I am less interested. I realize that this is a recipe to attract a lot of assholes… but it is what it is.
4. “The conversations I have with my partners are very fun and ‘concrete,’ if you will. As in, we don’t really discuss philosophy or literature or anything abstract. (Not that I don’t like these topics, I just think they can be a bit heavy in this context) It’s more oriented around what we did that week or our mutual friends or our hobbies. I’m pretty outgoing and social so I tend to be attracted also to extroverted people. I tend to like funny, laid-back guys; not really into the strong silent type, mostly because I’m too self-conscious around them (worried that they think I’m shallow or flaky or too peppy).”
5. “I’m open minded as a P and also very affectionate as an F. My S makes me very in tune with what feels good and what doesn’t.”
6. “As an ESFP, I’m always looking for fun.”
7. “Not a question I have ever thought about. I think that because of my extroverted sensing, I tend to engage well with others, and therefore have a higher sex drive. However because of my introverted feeling, I tend to want a close partner rather a one night stand.”
8. “Not sure if this makes sense but with my Se I tend to jump into these situations a lot like “yeah, let’s do it!” and then my Fi will kick in. So if I don’t feel a connection with whoever I’m with I might not really feel engaged during sex and will probably regret it before we’re even finished (why I don’t really do random hook ups). On the other hand if I do have a connection (and they’re good!) I’ll feel really intense emotions… happiness, nostalgia, sense of achievement etc… sometimes a little too strongly even for simple things like a kiss. I’ll usually analyze how things went afterwards and draw a conclusion on the situation itself and how it made me feel… I find it really hard to verbalize my feelings but I’ll know internally how I feel!”
8. “I believe my personality takes a big part in my sexuality. I love people, I’m playful and I I’m fearless in bed. It doesn’t help that my love language is touch.”
9. “It helps me take sexuality as just another fun activity that will bring me closer to people, or the person I am interested in.”
10. “I’m open to new experiences. I always seem to look for a connection deeper than just the physical act. I love to view sex as a show or performance in a way… Like I can act however I feel given my mood and the circumstances (submissive, dominant, pornstar, innocent, etc.). I think my personality type shines in bed because I play different roles frequently but always look for that deep connection and sensuality that seems to be lost in most casual hookups. I also make it my main goal to please my partner. It makes me more happy than pleasing myself, another characteristic of my personality type.”
11. “I care more about my partners orgasm than my own.”
12. “The extroverted sensing function makes me want to ‘give’ rather than ‘receive’ due to my enjoyment of touching and sensing through the five senses. Touch, taste, smell (i.e. foreplay) to me is more erotic than someone for example going down on me, or even penetration.”
13. “As an ESFP, my entire perspective is oriented around the sensory experience. Sex is (in my opinion) THE most sensory experience a human can have. When I’m having sex with my boyfriend I’ve noticed that I’m more engaged in the moment than I am at any other time (which is saying a lot for an ESFP).”
14. “I believe that since I am ESFP I like being social and engage with different kinds of people which makes me curious of trying to be experimental with my sexuality. There are just not one thing for me, I need a lot because I get bored easily.”
15. “A lot because of how the situation arises and how I feel about it. I am able to give in fully to the experience and just enjoy it. There really isn’t much though just totally in tune to my body and what is happening to it and how I can surprise my partner.”
16. “Because of my personality type I like to have a lot of fun and be around people so that contributes to my personality in bed.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ISFP responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ISFPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 39 participants sampled:
90% identified as heterosexual
5% identified as bisexual or pansexual
2% identified as assexual
3% identified as other
ISFPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.21.
ISFPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
58% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
40% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ISFP Commentary
1. “As an ISFP, there is such total appreciation of the senses when it comes to sex. And it also allows for a deep emotional connection without using a lot of words. I was married to an ISTP, and my sex drive was considerably lower with him. His lack of emotion and inability to express his feelings caused me to shut down. When I am with someone I connect with, I crave it constantly.”
2. “I am a very sensitive person. Whether I want to or not, I bond quickly with my sexual partners, and then tend to scare them away because I ‘come on too strong.’ I am a very passionate person- I either feel something 110% or not at all. That said, I frequently deal with disappointment and heartbreak.”
3. “Unlike most SP types I haven’t been sexual with multiple people. The few times I have, its been a way to express and share my strong Fi feelings towards them using my Se.”
4. “I think being an ISFP has a positive role in my sexuality. I am in tune with my partner (when I have one).”
5. “All of my long term relationships have been heterosexual, excluding some experimentation with friends of the same gender, but I put myself as bi/pansexual not only because of those instances but because I appreciate attractive people of all gender identities. ISFPs are frequently noted for their love of aesthetically pleasing things and in this respect I stay very true to that, to the point where I find it very confusing when I encounter people who deny having the ability to simply appreciate an attractive person based on their gender/presentation/etc.
In addition, my relationships have almost always been surprisingly long term, but I don’t actually mind being single and I go between relationships for quite extended periods of time too, at least historically. I very much find the idea of open relationships to be appealing because I’m all about new experiences (which I attribute to my being an SP). However I would likely spend months attempting to find the right time/words for bringing this up with my primary partner. Also historically I am attracted to a lot of ENTPs and INTJs (and on the flip side of that, I think a lot of INTJs find me appealing for whatever reason, where with ENTPs I usually have to work a little bit to get their attention so it’s a wonder I ended up with my current ENTP boyfriend :P). I think the reason is I often have a hard time coming up with things to say, so I often end up being the listener, and if you want interesting subject material to listen to, an ENTP or INTJ rarely disappoints.”
6. “I am definitely a people-pleaser, and I’m would rather show someone how I feel about them rather than just tell them.”
7. “I feel a lot. I need to experience what is happening. I need to feel like the other person wants to be there and is into it just as much as I am.”
8. “While I absolutely feel tuned into the ‘earthy and sensual’ description of Se-users, for me this doesn’t necessarily mean sexually. Sensuality in a bigger umbrella, and yes, playing with the senses by setting the right mood with lighting, music, smells, etc, REALLY helps, but I think sensuality doesn’t require sex to be expressed.”
9. “I develop very deep intimate connections with people. But, it’s an emotion connection, not so much sexual.”
10. “As an ISFP I am very sensual and attentive. I’m also good at taking the lead or giving the lead away. I feel that’s because of the flexible open mindedness of the ISFP with Se.”
11. “My ISFP self is hugely motivated by sensory experiences — if it looks good, feels good, tastes good, sounds good – I want it. So sensuality is high on the list of things that give my personality all the good juice.”
12. “I’m very open minded and I want/need to feel connected to at least one person with my body and my soul.”
13. “I guess I’m an oxytocin addict. As a big feeler, there’s something about sexual expression that seems like the most pure form of bonding. My personality type sometimes struggles with verbal expression, but never sexually. I think I tend to communicate best with my body.”
14. “I prefer sex to be a very intimate experience. The feeling of closeness to my partner is arousing to me. I think I must be a very strong ‘F.'”
15. “I need to use all my senses: seeing my partner, hearing (panting, groaning and such – but dirty talk is pretty much a no go), tasting and smelling him, feel his body against mine and his hands touching me. That’s definately why phone or Skype sex does absolutely nothing for me.”
16. “I have a confidence and assertion in the bedroom that I rarely exhibit in other areas of life. I think my Extroverted Sensing makes me be in the moment and enjoy all the physical sensations, but is always most passionately indulged in when driven by my strong inner emotions and loyalties (my Introverted Feeling).”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ESFJ responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ESFJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 35 participants sampled:
80% identified as heterosexual
11% identified as bisexual or pansexual
3% identified as homosexual
6% identified as other
ESFJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.03.
ESFJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
69% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
31% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
0% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ESFJ Commentary
1. “I’d have to say that with me, what you see is what you get. I couldn’t play it cool or coy if I tried — too much anxiety haha! I’m loving and as a result overly focused on my partner. In my youth I searched for somebody to love me in many of the wrong ways. Those ways were fun but didn’t fulfill the soul level connection I was looking for. I’m in a LTR with an INTJ/ Sp5w6 and I couldn’t be happier.”
2. “I think (my personality type) makes me want to please my partner more than myself.”
3. “I’m a traditional kind of girl.”
4. “I definitely like to please my partner and I think it has been more difficult for me than average to value the importance of my own pleasure. Also, I have found that I am less ‘sporty’ in bed than Se types, as being too active tends to distract me from what is happening in the moment and the sensations I am experiencing.”
5. “I like routine so I guess I am always attracted to the same type of people.”
6. “I do not enjoy sex unless I know my partner is also enjoying it and I think a big part of that is because I care what he thinks and want to make him feel good.”
7. “I think that being an ESFJ makes me more willing to try new things because I value my partner’s pleasure.”
8. “I aim to please in the bedroom and am a generous lover as a result. I am also touchy feely and love nothing more than my significant other to run his hands all over my body, I find it so affectionate and lovely.”
9. “I think I tend to be a pleaser. I always want to make sure my partner is having a good time. I’d even sacrifice what feels better for me if it meant my partner would like something else more.”
10. “Being an ESFJ gives me the ability to read a partner and make them feel loved and heard. Negative emotions arise if this isn’t reciprocated.”
11. “As an ESFJ, I have traditional views on sex – I believe that the best thing for me is to wait until marriage to have sex. That being said, I have plenty of hetrosexual, homosexual, and pansexual friends who engage in premarital sex and I don’t judge them. But personally, I would rather make a person a cup of tea (unless they prefer something else) than have sex with them.”
12. “As an ESFJ I like to be complimented during the process.”
13. “As an old-fashioned ESFJ, I’m more towards a ‘prim and proper’ way of pleasuring my other half. Oftentimes I get surprised by who I’m with, but being a Guardian has certainly made me a gentleman in sex. Love is always a serious matter.”
14. “I think for me, it’s hard to disengage from feeling unless I’m going through something where I’ve essentially made my Fe numb (a break up, etc). I also think that I prefer the tradition of being with one person who I love so fully and openly, it’s like giving my heart to them. But, I think ESFJs could be easily written off as boring in bed too which is kind of weird to me. As Fe we literally FEED off of other people’s pleasure so being aggressive, wild, or doing whatever it takes for the new and best orgasm is in our nature. If the other person is dissatisfied at all it’s like a loss to us. I’m an ESFJ dating an ESFJ and I have never had better sex in my entire life and I had a big thing for classic ENTPs for a while. They were super fun (for a little while) but there is nothing like an extroverted feeler in bed to make sure you get yours and get it really good. I think people probably assume that the Si is more dominant but in my experience, it’s really not at all in play in an ESFJs sex life.”
Unfortunately, we did not receive enough ISFJ responses to deem any of the survey results significant.
ISFJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 35 participants sampled:
84% identified as heterosexual
8% identified as bisexual or pansexual
8% identified as homosexual
ISFJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.02.
ISFJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
61% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
39% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
0% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ISFJ Commentary
1. “As an ISFJ, I don’t like change and new things. This translates to me not suggesting/doing anything crazy in bed. But, I’m not closed off to it. If my partner wants to try something new I wouldn’t say no. It would make me feel good to make them feel good. I just won’t be the person to initiate the change.”
2. “All sexual acts and the related emotions are very romantic. It’s less about the sex and more about knowing that I’m pleasing my partner. Slow and passionate, eye contact, and very honest.”
3. “My personality type makes me see sexuality in a traditional, romantic way, as an expression of intense feelings for another person.”
4. “Being an ISFJ has impacted my sexuality quite a lot, I’m still a virgin in my 30s. That’s not to say I haven’t done anything sexual, but for me, it’s really important to feel emotionally, mentally, intellectually and spiritually safe with someone before I can be at my most vulnerable (i.e. naked) and allow him in (pun intended). Since I haven’t found someone like that yet, as an ISFJ, I’m still waiting (mainly for marriage), but the older I get, the more confident I am that I made the decision to wait.”
5. “My introversion probably contributes to my reserved nature, but I also think a big part of it comes from being inexperienced because of my religious values.”
6. “Pretty traditional, nothing too crazy, but always wanting to please my partner because I care about him: sounds exactly like an ISFJ to me!”
7. “I often put the pleasure of my partner above my own. I’m not overly experimental but I do get bored with the same routine and like to mix things up. For me, romance and intimacy are critical to my sex life and enhance the sexual experience more than intercourse alone.”
8. “As an ISFJ, pleasing and enjoying my partner is a huge part of my relationships and sex plays a big part in how I like to show my affection. I’m not kinkiest person, but I do like trying new things with my long term partners that seem appealing to me and also anything that my partners shows an interest in trying.”
9. “I believe my personality type has a lot of an effect on my experience of sexuality. Being an ISFJ I tend to be a bit timid, and while I want to be more adventurous I often have to be pushed into that direction by someone else. I think my partner feels I am not adventurous and doesn’t want to push me and make me uncomfortable. And we’ve had almost no other partners between us because we have been together since high school, so he may not even know where to begin. And being a harmonious peacemaker I want everyone around me to be happy, so I rarely assert myself and ask for what I want. So my sex life has mostly been tame and not very satisfying.”
10. “I get too connected to another person through sex. I had to stop casual hooking up because I would only be hurt in the end.”
11. “I think it’s more likely that your partners personality type will affect your experience of sexuality because sometimes opposites attract but other times they repel so depending on what type you are will depend how well you fit or don’t fit.”
12. “As an ISFJ, I am much more concerned about the experience I am giving my spouse instead of thinking about my own experience. I gain the most pleasure out of sensing the amount of pleasure being experienced around me. Barring things that go against my beliefs, I am willing to try a lot of new things sexually if my spouse desires to do so. I tend to look out for clues on what would appeal to my spouse to try and surprise my spouse by carrying those fantasies out. As a sensor, I tend to notice and communicate more during sex because I don’t expect an intuitive spouse to automatically know what feels good to me. I am grateful for communication from my spouse as well, because I may not intuit what my spouse would most enjoy. I don’t believe I would be able to enjoy sex if my spouse was not equally enjoying it. The amount of pleasure I receive from a sexual encounter hinges on the amount of pleasure my partner is receiving during the encounter.”
13. “I need to feel emotionally connected to someone’s mind/ heart before I enter a sexual relationship. Also, my sense of loyalty keeps me monogamous. Disloyalty from a partner is not tolerated.”
14. “Because I’m so sensitive and reserved, potential partners have to spend some time getting to know me before I’ll ever consider being intimate with them. I prefer sex to be within an exclusive, loving relationship only. I tend to play it safe in bed, sticking to things that I know we both enjoy time and time again. A little variety every now and the can be fun, though! I care very much that my partner feels attractive and loved when we’re being intimate. I put his needs before mine more often than not. I think all of these qualities are largely driven by my type – introversion, sensing, feeling, judging.”
15. “ISFJ tend to be private and rule abiding. We may seem too ‘stiff’ or ‘strict’ to intuitive or perceiving types.”
16. “I feel like I am pretty quiet and tame as an ISFJ, mostly for fear of being judged. I don’t like hookups and I prefer to be in a steady relationship to truly feel comfortable sexually. If I am with someone I love very much I am a lot more open, very affectionate and wiling to try new things/ express my preferences. I feel like my bisexuality is probably less common among my type, however I accept it and have sought it out in the past. However my approach to hookup, new relationships, and sex stays the same whether I am in a heterosexual or bisexual relationship.”
ENFPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 445 participants sampled:
75% identified as heterosexual
19% identified as bisexual or pansexual
4% identified as homosexual.
2% identified as ‘other.’
ENFPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.92.
ENFPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
45% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
50% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
5% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ENFP Commentary
1. “I suspect us ENFPS are quit sexual people, others constantly pick up on my natural sexual vibe even when I thought I was being low key.”
2. “I think my type influences my sexuality a lot. I think being an extrovert makes me more adventurous, and Ne is all about variety and experiencing everything possible, and of course being a perceiver means I’m generally more open-minded and will consider trying things that are outside of my comfort zone.”
3. “I often find myself daydreaming about the sex I’m not having rather than the sex I am having. The grass is always greener syndrome…”
4. “As an ENFP, Ne rules. That means playfulness, and even a certain naivety and innocence, mixed with a deep inner loyalty, influence this side of life. As we get older, Fi and Te balance us out big-time. The inferior introverted sensing though means sometimes it is a challenge getting out of the imagination and heart and into the body exclusively. As the oft quoted most-introverted-of-extroverts, I think some ENFP are more like INFP in that hook-up culture is frankly foreign to me and (not at all to judge) deeply unsatisfying. To a close ESFP friend however, or to an ESTP friend, the meaning lies in the physical and overthinking ruins things … So, though there is a bubbly, air and fiery, even seductive, relentless cuteness to most of our inner selves, it’s typically for one person at a time whom we adore.”
5. “I think being an ENFP it means I’m pretty frequently wanting to try new things and push boundaries a bit (with consent, of course!).”
6. “I think my personality type puts limits on my high sex drive. I don’t like to have casual hook ups and need an emotional connection.”
7. “My personality makes me open to try and experiment with anything. It makes me very passionate and intense. It makes me bold and thrive on sexual confidence. It has/could make me get attached toy partner though but it’s mostly people I’m already dating so this is not a problem.”
8. “I think ENFP/ENTP’s in general are explorers and experimenters so they always want to try something new of they’ll get bored. Sensors are probably better at long term sexual performance, types like myself need constant, new stimulation.”
9. “The reason why I know my ENFPness relates to my sexuality is because I rarely engage in sexual encounters unless I already have an emotional connection (along with a “crush”, if you will) with the person. When I’m in, I’m all in 100% and I use my sexuality to show my immense love for people–I don’t throw it around casually.”
10. “I have lots of casual sex because I find myself sexually attracted to many people at once, and can’t ever commit to one. Plus casual sex allows me to still be sexually satisfied even though my ‘things’ with people come and go so quickly.”
11. “As an ENFP I always look for new things, and am not ashamed of how I am, or what others are into (even if I’m not- no shame in my discussions). Everyone is different! We should enjoy that fact!”
12. “Being someone who is very open to new experiences lends itself to both wanting to explore an array of sexual partners and also wanting to explore in bed with one partner I’ve become close to. As an ENFP, I want to feel a connection with the person I’m having sex with on some level, whether it’s just for one night or more. I can separate sex and intimacy, but I can’t separate sex and the experience of being human. Oh, and I’m very vocal.”
13. “The ENFPs I know (male and female, including myself) usually talk about the importance of being fluid with dom/sub roles; with the desire to please the other person as top of mind while still holding onto the important ‘if I want it I want it’ thought process. The belief that there’s got to be a middle ground where you can be aggressive yet passive. The NF trait seems to make us much more attuned to giving someone what they want before they ask, while the EP seems to give us the ability to respond to and desire direct feedback without getting our feelings hurt.”
14. “Being an ENFP sets you up to be sexual. When you’re naturally open-minded, imaginative, and absolutely love love, the opportunity to physically express those emotions is such a gift. I love getting to know people deeply, especially the ones I really care about. When you’re intimate with someone, you get to know them on an entirely new level – something few people who really know you (or your partner) will ever uncover.”
15. “As an ENFP, I think I tend to compromise my values in favor of new experiences. For example, I have engaged in casual relationships in the past, charged rather confidently into the sexual parts of the relationship, and then have ended up being hurt once I got attached to the person who only wanted something casual. Luckily, I have learned.”
16. “Due to secondary Fi, I tend to stick to my moral values. I value monogamy and making love only with someone I’m in love with, so I don’t participate in casual sex or have multiple sex partners or anything of the sort.”
17. “I think as an ENFP, I’m more flexible and open to new experiences. On the other hand, people tend to judge my type as ‘flighty’ and ‘slutty’ when I honestly am super monogamous and have only had one sexual partner in my lifetime. I think people put too much stock in how personality type influences sexual activity, and I think the two aren’t that related. As a social worker, I can say I think it is more of a nurture/experience shaped thing in my opinion than an MBTI thing (which tends to be more nature/biology related).”
18. “As an ENFP I would expect to be more experimental but I’m not. I think the life of the mind and ideas with my 22 year long INTJ partner gets you into a place where the sex is truly secondary.”
19. “As an ENFP, I enjoy rather niche kinks and feel unrestricted in my search for novelty.”
20. “Being enfp I an very spontaneous. I’d love to have a sexy a partner that is more like me but he’s damn so vanilla. Honesty the biggest mistake of life was marrying an non ENFP. Great guy financially but lacking big time in kink. I’ve frequently sought out other men and almost been divorced over it but being a part of raw crazy animal sex is so exciting and addictive! Let me tell all ENFPs: make sure your partner is as crazy as you sexually or you won’t be satisfied, ever.”
21. “I feel my personality type is very non judging and open to trying new things, and due to this I actually became an escort. It’s fun and easy money so I don’t see any problem with it, as long as I take care of my safety I’m fine. Out of work though I’m quite hard on myself and always forget that I’m also trying to please myself and not just the person I’m having sex with. I usually won’t try anything too kinky until I’m emotionally invested in them, which makes sense since I’m a feeling type.”
22. “I feel it is pretty essential for me to have an intellectual connection in order to be attracted to someone. I recently tried to have a casual hookup with someone I perceive as less intellectual than me, and I just couldn’t get into it. And being an enneagram 4, I really want the feeling of someone “getting me” before I hook up with them. I wish I could engage in casual stuff more freely, especially because sometimes I just need physical contact, but I really have to have the mental connection first.”
23. “I’ve heard ENFPs described as kinky and creative in bed but as an ace ENFP, the idea of being sexually adventurous is not appealing. I think being an ENFP affects my asexuality in that, if were ever to find someone I love enough, I would be willing to have sex to make him happy. Couples sometimes do things for each other they might not want to do and I think sex would be like that for me. Or I might end up enjoying it. Who knows? I’ve never fallen in love before and even romantic attraction to anyone is rare for me.”
24. “As an ENFP, I often like to try different exciting things. I’m not really often satisfied with ‘just vanilla’ interactions. I’m kind of good to go ALL the time. But despite this, I’m pretty careful about my encounters and tend not to indulge any of my interests unless I’m sure the relationship is going somewhere.”
25. “ENFPs value deep emotional connection. Having sex with someone we connect with on an deep emotional level makes it all the more special and 100x better. I think this is why I don’t engage in casual sex because it makes me feel empty.”
26. “Being an ENFP makes me more open and down for exploration — it might contribute to why I’m comfortable with my sexuality even though I’ve yet to explore much of it (I’m still a virgin, and have never had a partner before).”
27. “Being an ENFP has made more open to new experience and members of the same sex even though I wasn’t raised in a household open to either.”
28. “My personality is all about exploring, enthusiasm, and connecting with people on a deep level. I think it’s made my sexuality a very important thing to me, that I like to share (with much passion and enthusiasm and spontaneity) with others who trigger an emotional response in me. I might not be the most sexually active person, but I fantasize A LOT with 1-3 very specific people. And if given the chance, I have no qualms on acting on those fantasies.”
29. “I think ENFPs are more likely to be submissive or a switch. As a man it is a little irritating for me, that I desire a woman to want me and be in charge, which is perhaps due to my my special cornflake personality, which wants to be desired. I like to think of me as something beautiful (omg this sounds so strange) and everything that gives me this feeling arouses me. Of course I’m easily able to get aroused by being in the common male position too, but not as much/fast as being in the traditionally more female position. Perhaps this has to do with being an ENFP, I don’t know.”
30. “I’m constantly curious. I want to experience everything in life, and that includes sex. I’m easily excitable, as an ENFP is in general, and so I go all in, with full passion and vigor…. but then later down the line I might suddenly lose all interest…”
31. “I love the engagement with every feeling, the emotional connection and the passion. I like the possibilities that sex brings, to share connection and to express a deep emotional bond. The mind is a powerful aphrodisiac. As an ENFP, I love to explore; my partner’s body, her mind, her eyes. I love to find new ways to bring excitement and pleasure to her. These are the things that make sex such a powerful and meaningful thing.”
32. “Even the roughest hardcore sex experience goes deeper than just physical and is in fact, a union between two fascinating, mysterious beings, made of complementary energies.”
33. “As an ENFP, I am more open minded. I think that is why it was so easy to accept when I learned I was a bisexual. The most difficult thing about learning about my bisexuality was not being LGBT, but was realizing I was in love with a person that was not my boyfriend. I got over the fact that they were female pretty quickly. It was only hard because I was trying to figure out if I was in love with this person or not. I have also come to realize, that I am more attracted to a person’s personality than to a person physically. Whenever one of my friends would ask me if I thought someone was hot, I would say yes, but not really agree or disagree. I have realized I am attracted to people only after I get to know them first. I think as an ENFP, I crave a deeper connection with a person. I am not a fan of one night stands. Sex is boring when I don’t feel a connection to the person, and if it’s boring there is no point at all in having sex.”
INFPs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 225 participants sampled:
68% identified as heterosexual
24% identified as bisexual or pansexual
5% identified as homosexual
1% identified as asexual
2% identified as ‘other‘
INFPs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.16.
INFPs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
56% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
42% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
INFP Commentary
1. “I believe my depth of feeling as an INFP has led to my demisexuality. I crave a deep connection with someone before I am sexually attracted to them. I also, think as an intuitive I greatly enjoy trying new things in he’d for the novelty of the situation.”
2. “I suppose it makes me feel the emotional/sensual side of sex very deeply and I can almost get off on thoughts alone. Due to a thirst for new adventures I also experience trouble feeling truly satisfied and happy in my long-term relationship with my partner – I’d totally love to go for an open relationship and mixing things up with different partners (though I absolutely need an emotional connection, it’s not all about a hot body :p).”
3. “I’m a bit of a prude to be honest. I had a homosexual experience at university with a girl I absolutely fell in love with but was too introverted to express it properly also thought it was very cliche. I’ve been in heterosexual relationships since but am starting to think maybe I am bisexual. Having an Fi function I think makes it hard to outwardly express myself even though I fantasize a lot and would be probably be up for anything if my partner instigated it.”
4. “I am very shy on the surface layers, and it feels like a new partner has to climb Mount Everest to get me to open up sexually, but once I cross that huge challenge of being comfortable being intimate and knowing I will be accepted and loved under all circumstances – then the freak in the sheets can come out to play!”
5. “I think that it has a huge influence on how I experience sexuality. As an INFP I think that sexuality and intimacy and love are inextricably tied.”
6. “I like the idea of trying new things, but I rarely initiate anything different. I’m usually game if my partner initiates though. I worry that there could be awkwardness or conflict if I suggest something, even though I’ve never had an experience that reinforces that fear.”
7. “My personality type influences my sexual experience because as a deep feeler and loving type, sex becomes a highly intimate experience for me. As someone who identifies as asexual, I don’t really need sex. Though I can feel good physically from the experience, I am more focused on the emotional connection it creates for me and my partner. What I love most about it is connecting to him and being able to show him how much I love him! (this is also due to the fact that physical touch is my love language!)”
8. “As an INFP I idealize relationships. I think the idea of open marriages and relationships seems intriguing in theory but wouldn’t do it in practice if it would cause conflict with my partner or the other person. I always felt like I could love a man, a woman or even someone who was transgendered.”
9. “Ne makes me very curious and open to trying lots of different things. I have thought about engaging in a homosexual encounter before, but I just don’t think I’d ultimately have the guts to go through with it. There’s enough that I can try doing with men that I don’t feel like I’m missing out by never having a sexual experience with a woman.”
10. “I’m passionate as hell. Being an INFP, even if I’m sleeping with someone I don’t even know super well yet, my head is just as into it as my body is. I like the direct pleasure as well as all the subtleties (the way he watches me undress, changes in breath tempo, watching a drop of sweat roll down his bicep). I also like dirty talk. Not too much, but if he says nothing, I’ll be thinking he might not be that into it. I’m super into social interactions of all types, and with sex being the most intimate example, my desire to connect to the other person is off the charts. I don’t mean the connection is necessarily long lasting. I like one-night stands too, but best believe it will still be an intimate experience anytime you take an INFP to bed.”
11. “As an INFP, I want my sex life to be meaningful and find it way more enjoyable when it is. As a result, I struggle to relate to the hookup culture we have today. I’m much too self-aware, so also cant really imagine myself comfortably getting kinky with an almost stranger or casual acquaintance fast enough for me to actually enjoy myself. I want and expect something more… substantial from sex than ‘just sex.’ I do love sex though and have no problem with trying anything new and experimenting, whether I suggest it or my partner does, but I’ll only do so with someone I absolutely trust. It also took me awhile, years in fact, to really learn how to ‘let go’ with my current partner. I found it easier and more important to give pleasure than to receive it, but once I got into the hang of enjoying sex for me and realized the person I’m with also enjoys it far more when I’m really into it, it was just an upward spiral from good sex to the more mind-blowing kind.”
12. “My dominant functions have probably encouraged me to over complicate my experience of sexuality and my expectations of others… Im afraid of being hurt, and Im afraid my own complications will lead to heart break… I really just want someone I can be with, without fearing judgement.”
13. “For me, as an INFP, can’t do the hookup culture. Can’t have sex with someone without being in love with them. When they get my body-they also get my soul.”
14. “If the other person is not enjoying it than I am not. I will often make sure my partner orgasms first. Sex is also about love and closeness. I like to spend hours cuddling and in floor play before the real action. Though these things are true for me, I do not share away from others sharing what they want, because everyone’s feelings are important.”
15. “Pretty open to all sorts of sexual types, that I feel its pointless having labels and categories, but also understand its important to establish sexual-orientated communities. Personally in my sex life, it’s been one that doesn’t revolve around sex as I get a deeper satisfaction from emotional intimacy, and treat sex as an expression of emotional intimacy than separable.”
16. “Having moved my major focus from MBTI to Enneagram lately, I’m more inclined to see my type 4 influence, but both apply. The rich inner life of the INFP corresponds with my tendency to fantasize, sometimes to a fault. Unfortunately the depth of the 4’s search for authenticity and the resulting anxiety, as well as tendency toward gratification, mistaking it for fulfillment and continuity in difficult times, has led me to overindulge sexually as a coping mechanism, at times to the point of addiction. Altogether, the thoroughness and contemplativeness of both my types make sexuality both a wonderfully meaningful and inextricably personal thing, with the benefit of knowing my own desires very well (tending gently toward dominance), and the risk of having sexual pleasure overshadow other routes to happiness.”
17. “Sex is always an emotional experience to me, even when I pretend it’s not.”
18. “I think being an INFP makes sex more intense. I feel like I bring a level of sensuality and passion that a lot of people haven’t seen before from other partners.”
19. “I suppose because I’m an INFP I crave both the novelty of new sexual experiences at the same time as I crave a nearly spiritual sexual connection, which makes it hard for one man to meet me where I am.”
20. “As an INFP, it really is true that sex needs to be emotionally meaningful in order for me to enjoy it. Sex is about connection.. I can masturbate alone to simply fulfill my physical needs. Sharing my heart, mind, and body with someone at the same time, though, is like heaven.”
21. “My belief in close, intimate relationships has steered me into more monogamous relationships instead of towards the casual hookup culture. I have no problem with it, if it works for other people, but it does not work for me.”
22. “As an INFP, I am slow to open up to romantic partners, but once I do, I am committed. I’ve only ever had sex with my husband, and I’m so glad. For me, sex has deep spiritual meaning, and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. On the other hand, within the context of our relationship, I’m pretty adventurous and open to trying new things together.”
23. “I feel things deeply. My body, emotions, and spirit are all connected. Every touch means something for me. I place a high value on romance.”
24. “I think I’m so comfortable being ‘in my head’ that when the opportunity arises to connect in an intimate way with someone else, it’s difficult for me to leave my mental sanctuary. I have a hard time feeling comfortable enough to engage in sexual acts and am critical of myself, perhaps in part due to my introverted feeling. My secondary extraverted intuition also seems to be somewhat non-sexual as I’d rather daydream or brainstorm about stories and scenarios above most anything else at a given time, sex definitely included. This being said, I do have a lot of sex dreams and I prefer them somewhat to real sex. Wait, I almost certainly prefer them. My brain is very strange. Oh well.”
25. “Being asexual it’s a lot easier to remain more indulgent about the romantic side rather than consider sex a big part of it. That being said, maybe sex and romance are related for most INFPs.”
26. “As an INFP, quick, casual relationships aren’t really my thing. XNFx tend to want things more grounded and concrete. I stayed celibate through most of college because the intimate opportunities undesired were extremely scarce. Sex is only as good as the chemistry you share with the person you’re with.”
27. “I would guess that your functions have an enormous impact on your sexuality. On forums (reddit especially) about, eg, what movies certain types prefer, you’ll always have someone who says ‘guys, that stuff isn’t really affected by your personality type,’ which is stupid, because it is. And so is sex. As an INFP, my experiences need to be different and exciting, but must also be very very emotional. As in, there needs to be a lot of verbal affirmations of love and little confidence boosting remarks. My two big relationships have been with an ENFJ and an ISTP, and there was obviously worlds of difference between the two. It was quite funny how, with the ENFJ, I would go from saying ‘it feels like you don’t find me attractive’ to ‘I sometimes feel like you’re objectifying me’ (pretend I sound less whiny there). With the ENFJ, things moved very slowly, but steadily progressed into kinky stuff. With the ISTP, things initially moved waaaay too fast, but didn’t really progress beyond that point. I can tell what someone would be willing to do, and I understood that a lot of the stuff I would be open to, ISTP would be weirded out by. I don’t really initiate things too often, but I did attempt to in this case, to no avail. I think as well that the things that turn types on is probably different – words (ie: erotica, suggestive flirting, mild dirty talk), for example, seem to be a big hit among the INFPs I know. I think INFP sex is very strongly rooted in ideas and not so much the physical act itself. BUT they need to be fairly suggestive ideas – like with dirty talk, it has to be very tame especially in terms of word usage. Like, crudeness and outright lewdness are a turn off. I suspect that the opposite can be said of sensors, who, I guess, would probably be more into very detailed and graphic wording.”
28. “As an INFP, I would rather have a connection with the person I’m sleeping with, which most likely means I want a relationship with them, so in the past, I’ve felt terrible after one night stands or have gotten too attached and started obsessing about the person.”
29. “I don’t think I’ve placed as much importance on orgasm as most people. I’ve always experienced sex as a much more all-encompassing, emotional experience that has physical effects far beyond that one discrete reaction that can be triggered by predictable physical activity.”
30. “With my personality type, sex is relational and emotional. So often times, depending on the partner, we try to please them and do what they like. If we don’t have a partner that gives to us as much as we do for them we can start to feel used. Just as in normal life, our people pleaser mentality can often times cause us to get run over. However, we are very creative and expressive individuals. Sex is making love manifest through our actions. We don’t judge so whatever our partners wildest fantasies are we willing to indulge in them with no reservations. If we have the right partner then that willingness can be reciprocated and in turn we can feel free to express our sexuality, which is ideal for an INFP. Full and total expression. I am married to an ENTJ so his push for exploring new things and confident personality coupled with my willingness for spontaneity makes it work really well.”
31. “I’m so ‘in my head’ that physical sex gets kind of boring. I’d rather have a really deep conversation, or snuggle up together most of the time. Historically, the best sex has been early on when the fantasy aspect is still there. Once I know someone well I’m more turned on by getting to know them more deeply than I am by purely sexual connection.”
ENFJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 76 participants sampled:
76% identified as heterosexual
14% identified as bisexual or pansexual
7% identified as homosexual
1% identified as asexual
2% identified as ‘other‘
ENFJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.60.
ENFJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
47% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
51% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
2% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
ENFJ Commentary
1. “ENFJs are known for their selflessness. As such, our sexual satisfaction relies on the sexual satisfaction of our partners. In short, we care more about their pleasure than ours.”
2. “My true sexuality only comes out if I’m in a relationship, and the more intimacy and connection I feel with my SO the more sexually open and confident I get. I think that is somewhat connected to me being Fe plus Ni. We value true connections.”
3. “My personality type has nothing to do with me being a lesbian. However when I was younger, my outgoing nature used to make straight men think I was interested in them when I wasn’t at all. That was really annoying. Anyway, back to women. When I was single and dating, when I would go to lesbian clubs I found that my personality type made it very easy to meet other girls. I know how to talk to new people in social situations, put them at ease. Most single people in clubs are too shy to approach anyone. I used that fact to my advantage and amusement to talk to women I was interested in. Yes, charm got me many dates! I believe my NF-ness also allowed me to get women to bring their walls down much quicker and tell me what mattered to them and what they most wanted faster. Less bullshit games to play. Still to this day I’m great friends with many of my exes and I think my personality type is the source of much of that.”
4. “For me there is no sex without emotions. If I do not have emotions before sex, I will definitely start to care about the person I’ve had sex with after it.”
5. “I think being and ENFJ is in line with my submissive sexual nature.”
6. “Being open minded to what I and others are interested in is important as non-judgmentalism is a vital part of sex and trust with a partner. I may not want to do everything my partner sites and vice versa but being open to listening and trusting your partner does the same without having shame is the sign of healthy communication and trust. My personality type influences this as the key to being a helper is being able to communicate and listen.”
7. “I think that being an ENFJ makes me great at communicating what I like in the bedroom and also makes me really interested and in-tune with what my partner likes. I enjoy pleasing him but I want to be pleased as well and have no problem vocalizing that and showing him what I want. As a result, I never leave unsatisfied!”
8. “I am not sure, but I think that sex might mean a lot to my type since I am predominantly feeling. Because of that I might feel the importance of sex in the relationship much more strongly as a means to make my partner happy and thereby making both of us happy. However if it’s not someone that I see a possible permanent connection with, then sex can be a wonderful way to have fun. I am more of a ‘true love or nothing’ type but I do like the more enigmatic and fun “booty calls” sometimes… And besides, sometimes the booty calls can turn into true love.”
9. “My personality type has helped me understand why I strive to serve my partner, even at the expense of myself, always, even physically.”
10. “I’m an ENFJ. We’re givers in life. Givers in bed. I acquiesce to almost anything that would make my partner happy–and I also think I’m a good judge of character, so not in any way that would make me feel used or abused. My boyfriend is an ESTP (the first one I’ve dated, but I’m always attracted to TV xSTPs) and he is constantly changing things up and making things really fun. I don’t hook up or engage in hook up culture, not because I’m a prude, but generally speaking I really need someone to focus my sexual energy on. I’ve never really found myself a sexual person in general. From the candid talks I’ve had, I definitely don’t view sexuality the same way as my friends.. But when I have someone in my life that I want to be intimate with, it’s like a switch that just turns on.”
11. “I think it all comes down to how we perceive people and life. As I said before, I’d not engage in anything shallow which lacks any emotion and that applies to all aspects and kinds of relationships i my life. So if I am going to take you on a date it’s gonna be one hell of a date. I don’t do ‘let’s grab a drink.'”
12. “I’m labeled the Giver, so I love to give! Their pleasure is my pleasure. Don’t stop ’till they’ve had enough!”
13. “My personality type is influential in my sexuality by being able to have an open mind about new and not so common sexual experiences. I feel my outgoing and engaging personality makes it acceptable for me to have new experiences and to be able to share my desires with others.”
14. “I love deeply and I see sex as an extension of this. Sex plus love make it truly mind blowing.”
15. “My Fe and Se functions tend to work together during sex, I think. I want it to feel intense both physically and emotionally.”
16. “Being an ENFJ I think I have appreciated the deep emotional vulnerability and connection that sex is between two people. I am a virgin; I have chosen that lifestyle because of religious beliefs however I think I still would choose this based on my personality type. I know I get very emotionally attached in romantic relationships and I can’t even imagine the type of emotional damage that could be brought in if I chose to have sex and it didn’t work out.”
17. “My desire to please people means I’m a bit more ‘submissive’ but it also allows me to be a more passionate lover.”
18. “The extroversion and judgment aspects certainly have some important influence. Aso i had some difficulty choosing which personality type I’m typically most attracted to as it seems to vary based on the person’s intelligence and physical attributes. Certainly somewhat extroverted and intelligent are high on my list.”
19. “I am a people-pleaser, which I think lends itself towards submissive sexual tendencies (at least, it has for me). I also believe my extroversion and high sex drive are related.”
20. “I love taking care of my partner and making him feel loved and wanted. I also like that in return–when things get primal and I can feel his want for me on a visceral level. True relationship-like emotions aren’t necessary for the sex; just emotions true to the session.”
21. “I seem to be doing most of the giving, but am very stimulated by rocking his world. I love it when he takes the lead in trying new things. When I’m in love I’ll gladly give him what he wants.”
22. “Wanting to feel my partner in their fullest form–I just want to know everything about them, and show them how much I care through making them feel the same way I do. Sometimes endeavors like these are more out of trying to prove myself than getting something back for myself.”
INFJs And Sexual Orientation
Of the 280 participants sampled:
73% identified as heterosexual
19% identified as bisexual or pansexual
4% identified as homosexual
4% identified as other
INFJs And Sex Drive
When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.21.
INFJs And Hookup Culture
When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”
65% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
34% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
1% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”
INFJ Commentary
1. “I crave the deep connection of a partner but have very high standards for him and for myself. I’ve tried sex without commitment and it just isn’t fulfilling in the same way. I’ll keep looking for a long-term relationship!”
2. “I have always been strongly attracted to the Ne, but now realize I require an xxFx partner. I’m divorced from an INTP, and had major breakups with two other ones. My Fe is mighty, and I’m constantly scanning for sincere intentions and trustworthiness. My current partner has both ISFP and INFP traits, and is a solid enneagram 9.”
3. “I have a hard time connecting with partners to fill physical needs because I can’t do that without building an emotional connection. My sex drive means I would like to have casual encounters, but my personality type means I’m unable to trust people until I feel I truly know them, and I won’t get naked without trust. Every attempt at a hookup has failed and made me feel awkward and unsafe. I’m hard to get to know, apparently, so the prospects for long-term relationships are basically nonexistent. I have a great small group of close friends, but I haven’t dated in three years and feel pretty lonely, romantically (and pretty rusty and neglected, sexually). Most of my friends are women (and I am sadly only attracted to men). It’s easy for me to avoid the anxiety of dating and resign myself to my hobbies, my friends, and my career being my entire life, but I know that isn’t actually what I want. It’s hard to see a way forward right now – and in the meantime, I have to rely on myself for taking care of the physical needs.”
4. “My personality type probably dampens the experience (and my drive) because I am so busy (over)analyzing or trying to process the events unfolding, that I can never really let go or be present. It takes a lot for me to feel safe or be trusting, even with a long-term partner in bed.”
5. “As an Ni dom, I generally feel somewhat detached from my body and senses, which I believe contributes to not having the best awareness of my sexuality, or really the ability to manage it. It’s not that I’m not a sexual being; I’m just not naturally very in-tune with that part of myself. I don’t feel like I have any control over whether or not I’m feeling ‘in the mood.’ I also strongly prioritize intellectual/mental/spiritual/existential pursuits over sensory ones, which allows me to suppress my sexual drive and leave it to the back burner since its just not as ‘important.’ As an INFJ I am also easily over-stimulated, which is why I prefer to keep things simple (as opposed to wanting to keep things simple just because I enjoy tradition/routine, or something to that effect — which isn’t the case).”
6. “I need to feel real intimacy before I sleep with someone. I love dirty wild sex but only if there is a deep connection.”
7. “I’m such an idea-based person that anything so physically rooted doesn’t make sense to me. Like, the physical ‘pleasure’ by itself isn’t an end goal I enjoy. I would actually love to see a post about INFJs and (a)sexuality. I’m old enough now where my lack of desire and experience is very odd, and I can’t help but feel like I skipped a necessary sexual maturity stage during adolescence. I’m curious if others of my type have gone through this, or if they’ve had ‘normal’ sex lives/drives. (If not, they should read Losing It by Emma Rathbone because it’s making me feel better haha.) I’ve tried challenging myself in this regard but to no avail. I am very much attracted to certain guys, but the attraction is usually based on how we converse together. I just want long, long talks with them. (Bow chicka wow wow!)”
8. “I’m an intimacy junkie. Casual sex, or sex without a connection of some kind, is not my thing. I want all of you — your naked body and your naked thoughts.”
9. “I think INFJs, in general, are more prone to search for intimacy. As for attraction itself, I believe that cognitive functions definitely play a role. All of my sexual partners in life have been ENXPs, and I find myself attracted to Ne users in general. They’re sexy! I think that the Ni-Ne pairing also grants itself to general kinkiness. After all, we tend to be into stretching boundaries and toying with ideas. We tend to shake things up in bed more than many other types, I’m sure.”
10. “Inferior Se imparts the grip factor on sex for me. Quite obsessive about it, and can get lost in my head over it. Being an INFJ , Ni-dom means I really need a great connection, so hard to find, so I haven’t had a partner in many years despite being young and the aforementioned obsession. I think my enneagram, variant, on top of inferior Se all play a role in my preference for an assertive partner.”
11. “As an INFJ, I do struggle with just hooking up – I get bored with the sex if there’s no emotional connection. I also know my ability to orgasm is directly tied to how ‘connected’ I feel with someone (I’m female). I’ve also read somewhere that INFJs tend to be a bit out of touch with their physical experience, making orgasm difficult. But, I still love sex and need to be with someone open minded and creative. I gravitate towards people who want to try new things and aren’t paralyzed by the societally-imposed categories of male/female, straight/bi/queer. When it comes to sex – just do what you want! But communicate!”
12. “The empathy of an INFJ, for me, is incredibly difficult to quiet enough to find my own sexual pleasure. I’ve always been concerned with my partner’s experience more than my own, which makes me a lot less interested in sex. I’m married now but before I was married, I was a lot more promiscuous because I thought I could have sex with someone without connecting with them and having the empathy take over. But it always does.”
13. “As an INFJ I am moved by the notion of becoming one with my spouse. I also am concerned with pleasing him (Fe). Being a Ni-Dom I am not very physically motivated. Coming to appreciate sex has taken me awhile…and is still ongoing…and requires consciously getting into Se mode.”
14. “I think that because it takes me a while to let someone in, I’ve used the casual sex culture as yet another wall between me and intimacy. Though I have enjoyed the attention of those experiences, I’ve only ever had an orgasm with the two people I’ve been in an actual relationship in. I think that is a direct link between my personality and sexuality: it is best when I feel secure and close and equal to the other person, when I’ve let them in emotionally, not just physically.”
15. “I think as an INFJ I’m more drawn to vulnerability and intense experiences than most other types. And I tend to be very passive in a way that most types read as submissive but I’m absolutely not–dominant types pressuring me tends to make me want to fight. I can read people very well and know what they want but I have a hard time being what they want. Only ESTPs fit easily and enjoy my instincts.”
16. “As an INFJ- sex is one of the most intuitive ways I connect with my partner- we can communicate in so many different ways, with or without words, and I crave that connection. That being said, I also enjoy casual sex when I am not in a relationship, so long as boundaries are pre-determined, then it’s a place to tap into myself, personally, to experiment with things since I don’t have to continue to see that person. I would think other INFJs also have a high sex drive- it’s how we can literally unlock and understand our partners and ourselves better. What more could and INFJ want than that?”
17. “As an INFJ I try to interpret meaning into everything I do, and sexuality is not an exception. Sexual encounters are more than just phsyical to me, which can cause trouble in the dating culture we live in today where casual sex is very common. I also like to believe that me being pansexual has something to do with my personality as I never focus on the gender or looks of my sexual interests. I think people of my type often try to see the whole person, and not only the shell, which could influence our sexuality and make us open for new experiences sexually and romantically.”
18. “As an INFJ I feel it makes me more attuned to my partner’s sexuality and probably a little more focused on them receiving than I am on myself receiving. Sex is also deeply intimate so it’s not something I could do with just anyone. My intuition says there might be some correlation between being an INFJ and identifying as demisexual.”
19. “Being an INFJ (and a Scorpio male) I think makes me strongly desirous of strongly physical intimacy and pleasure and having a very strong, almost addictive, need for it. I prefer monogomous intimacy and even if not explicit, leads me to want relationships over one-night stands or friends with benefits. I get easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by physical intimacy. Intimate acts almost feel like being in a different world or being a different person, almost a fever-dreamish state. I can easily be satisfied by basic simple things in bed and don’t feel a need for kink for sake of kink’s sake.”
20. “Being an INFJ means that everything is done with intensity – there is no halfway effort for anything. Either there is no way, or I want all of you and only you forever. Casual hookups are not in my vocabulary. I need ultimate connection, which is why I find INFPs so attractive – we share that same value of connection.”
21. “I’m a 458 tritype, so I really need to explore raw, intense emotional vulnerability and connection with aspects of comolete control and powerlessness with my partner. I desire the sort of emotional connection that tends to scare most people away, in and out of the bedroom. Emotions cannot be separated from the physical experience. Because of this, it is rare that I find a partner that can satisfy the sexual aspect of my relationship, which I equate to having at least a 1/3 portion of the relationship as a whole.”
22. “As an asexual INFJ, I find line of causation to be a little blurred. However, I think that even if I experienced sexual attraction, my desire for deep, meaningful connections would rule out interest in casual sex. Additionally, although I am asexual (and not sex-repulsed) I am willing to have sex/try new things with a partner whom I care about as a way to promote intimacy; and I suspect that this is somewhat related to my INFJ tendency to prioritize relationships.”
23. “I think as an INFJ I’m really good in bed because of my intuition and ability to anticipate or interpret what others like. I also think in terms of my sexual identity as queer it has had an influence in allowing me to be sexually attracted to people of ALL genders.”
24. “I think it’s hugely influential. I have trouble getting out of my own head, both during sex or even when experiencing sexual attraction. I have an incredibly difficult time being in the moment, which I think it common for an INFJ 5w6 person. It keeps me from experiencing all that I am capable of sexually.”
25. “I’m very sensual; I enjoy getting caught up in the moment, and engage my Se by enjoying my partner and my environment. I’m definitely able to have casual hookups when I’m focused on enjoying the moment. At the same time, I like having a purpose or end game for everything I do, including sex, so I get bored with casual hookups or partners who don’t fit into my bigger picture.”
26. “I need connection to really let go. If I feel that the person does Mt care about me deeply or even loves me and I am in the position of power in the relationship (not necessarily sexually though) then I won’t be able to enjoy myself. Being loved makes me feel sexy because I know they love something about me deeper than my looks and care for my soul. I wish I could be more exciting in bed, or more inhibited and try new things or even some pretty normal basic things, but in so in my own head sometimes and I’m so conscious of what the other person might be feeling or thinking or experiencing that it inhibits me and I seem to freeze and not want to go ahead with the situation at all. I wish I could have someone that would sense this about me and reassure me. I need comfort and intimacy and respect and understanding and a deep, loving connection to feel like I can speak openly and experiment openly. I fear judgement so much that it stops me from doing many things.”
