I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality - Here's What They Had To Say
PsychologySex

I Asked Each Personality Type To Open Up About Their Sexuality – Here’s What They Had To Say

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INFJs And Sexual Orientation

Of the 280 participants sampled:

73% identified as heterosexual
19% identified as bisexual or pansexual
4% identified as homosexual
4% identified as other

INFJs And Sex Drive

When asked to rate their sex drive on a scale of one to ten, the mean ranking was 6.21.

INFJs And Hookup Culture

When asked how they felt about “hookup culture:”

65% of participants selected “I dislike it and rarely/never engage in it.”
34% of participants selected “I like some aspects of it but dislike other ones.”
1% of participants selected “I love it and almost exclusively look for casual hookups”

INFJ Commentary


1. “I crave the deep connection of a partner but have very high standards for him and for myself. I’ve tried sex without commitment and it just isn’t fulfilling in the same way. I’ll keep looking for a long-term relationship!”


2. “I have always been strongly attracted to the Ne, but now realize I require an xxFx partner. I’m divorced from an INTP, and had major breakups with two other ones. My Fe is mighty, and I’m constantly scanning for sincere intentions and trustworthiness. My current partner has both ISFP and INFP traits, and is a solid enneagram 9.”


3. “I have a hard time connecting with partners to fill physical needs because I can’t do that without building an emotional connection. My sex drive means I would like to have casual encounters, but my personality type means I’m unable to trust people until I feel I truly know them, and I won’t get naked without trust. Every attempt at a hookup has failed and made me feel awkward and unsafe. I’m hard to get to know, apparently, so the prospects for long-term relationships are basically nonexistent. I have a great small group of close friends, but I haven’t dated in three years and feel pretty lonely, romantically (and pretty rusty and neglected, sexually). Most of my friends are women (and I am sadly only attracted to men). It’s easy for me to avoid the anxiety of dating and resign myself to my hobbies, my friends, and my career being my entire life, but I know that isn’t actually what I want. It’s hard to see a way forward right now – and in the meantime, I have to rely on myself for taking care of the physical needs.”


4. “My personality type probably dampens the experience (and my drive) because I am so busy (over)analyzing or trying to process the events unfolding, that I can never really let go or be present. It takes a lot for me to feel safe or be trusting, even with a long-term partner in bed.”


5. “As an Ni dom, I generally feel somewhat detached from my body and senses, which I believe contributes to not having the best awareness of my sexuality, or really the ability to manage it. It’s not that I’m not a sexual being; I’m just not naturally very in-tune with that part of myself. I don’t feel like I have any control over whether or not I’m feeling ‘in the mood.’ I also strongly prioritize intellectual/mental/spiritual/existential pursuits over sensory ones, which allows me to suppress my sexual drive and leave it to the back burner since its just not as ‘important.’ As an INFJ I am also easily over-stimulated, which is why I prefer to keep things simple (as opposed to wanting to keep things simple just because I enjoy tradition/routine, or something to that effect — which isn’t the case).”


6. “I need to feel real intimacy before I sleep with someone. I love dirty wild sex but only if there is a deep connection.”


7. “I’m such an idea-based person that anything so physically rooted doesn’t make sense to me. Like, the physical ‘pleasure’ by itself isn’t an end goal I enjoy. I would actually love to see a post about INFJs and (a)sexuality. I’m old enough now where my lack of desire and experience is very odd, and I can’t help but feel like I skipped a necessary sexual maturity stage during adolescence. I’m curious if others of my type have gone through this, or if they’ve had ‘normal’ sex lives/drives. (If not, they should read Losing It by Emma Rathbone because it’s making me feel better haha.) I’ve tried challenging myself in this regard but to no avail. I am very much attracted to certain guys, but the attraction is usually based on how we converse together. I just want long, long talks with them. (Bow chicka wow wow!)”


8. “I’m an intimacy junkie. Casual sex, or sex without a connection of some kind, is not my thing. I want all of you — your naked body and your naked thoughts.”


9. “I think INFJs, in general, are more prone to search for intimacy. As for attraction itself, I believe that cognitive functions definitely play a role. All of my sexual partners in life have been ENXPs, and I find myself attracted to Ne users in general. They’re sexy! I think that the Ni-Ne pairing also grants itself to general kinkiness. After all, we tend to be into stretching boundaries and toying with ideas. We tend to shake things up in bed more than many other types, I’m sure.”


10. “Inferior Se imparts the grip factor on sex for me. Quite obsessive about it, and can get lost in my head over it. Being an INFJ , Ni-dom means I really need a great connection, so hard to find, so I haven’t had a partner in many years despite being young and the aforementioned obsession. I think my enneagram, variant, on top of inferior Se all play a role in my preference for an assertive partner.”


11. “As an INFJ, I do struggle with just hooking up – I get bored with the sex if there’s no emotional connection. I also know my ability to orgasm is directly tied to how ‘connected’ I feel with someone (I’m female). I’ve also read somewhere that INFJs tend to be a bit out of touch with their physical experience, making orgasm difficult. But, I still love sex and need to be with someone open minded and creative. I gravitate towards people who want to try new things and aren’t paralyzed by the societally-imposed categories of male/female, straight/bi/queer. When it comes to sex – just do what you want! But communicate!”


12. “The empathy of an INFJ, for me, is incredibly difficult to quiet enough to find my own sexual pleasure. I’ve always been concerned with my partner’s experience more than my own, which makes me a lot less interested in sex. I’m married now but before I was married, I was a lot more promiscuous because I thought I could have sex with someone without connecting with them and having the empathy take over. But it always does.”


13. “As an INFJ I am moved by the notion of becoming one with my spouse. I also am concerned with pleasing him (Fe). Being a Ni-Dom I am not very physically motivated. Coming to appreciate sex has taken me awhile…and is still ongoing…and requires consciously getting into Se mode.”


14. “I think that because it takes me a while to let someone in, I’ve used the casual sex culture as yet another wall between me and intimacy. Though I have enjoyed the attention of those experiences, I’ve only ever had an orgasm with the two people I’ve been in an actual relationship in. I think that is a direct link between my personality and sexuality: it is best when I feel secure and close and equal to the other person, when I’ve let them in emotionally, not just physically.”


15. “I think as an INFJ I’m more drawn to vulnerability and intense experiences than most other types. And I tend to be very passive in a way that most types read as submissive but I’m absolutely not–dominant types pressuring me tends to make me want to fight. I can read people very well and know what they want but I have a hard time being what they want. Only ESTPs fit easily and enjoy my instincts.”


16. “As an INFJ- sex is one of the most intuitive ways I connect with my partner- we can communicate in so many different ways, with or without words, and I crave that connection. That being said, I also enjoy casual sex when I am not in a relationship, so long as boundaries are pre-determined, then it’s a place to tap into myself, personally, to experiment with things since I don’t have to continue to see that person. I would think other INFJs also have a high sex drive- it’s how we can literally unlock and understand our partners and ourselves better. What more could and INFJ want than that?”


17. “As an INFJ I try to interpret meaning into everything I do, and sexuality is not an exception. Sexual encounters are more than just phsyical to me, which can cause trouble in the dating culture we live in today where casual sex is very common. I also like to believe that me being pansexual has something to do with my personality as I never focus on the gender or looks of my sexual interests. I think people of my type often try to see the whole person, and not only the shell, which could influence our sexuality and make us open for new experiences sexually and romantically.”


18. “As an INFJ I feel it makes me more attuned to my partner’s sexuality and probably a little more focused on them receiving than I am on myself receiving. Sex is also deeply intimate so it’s not something I could do with just anyone. My intuition says there might be some correlation between being an INFJ and identifying as demisexual.”


19. “Being an INFJ (and a Scorpio male) I think makes me strongly desirous of strongly physical intimacy and pleasure and having a very strong, almost addictive, need for it. I prefer monogomous intimacy and even if not explicit, leads me to want relationships over one-night stands or friends with benefits. I get easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by physical intimacy. Intimate acts almost feel like being in a different world or being a different person, almost a fever-dreamish state. I can easily be satisfied by basic simple things in bed and don’t feel a need for kink for sake of kink’s sake.”


20. “Being an INFJ means that everything is done with intensity – there is no halfway effort for anything. Either there is no way, or I want all of you and only you forever. Casual hookups are not in my vocabulary. I need ultimate connection, which is why I find INFPs so attractive – we share that same value of connection.”


21. “I’m a 458 tritype, so I really need to explore raw, intense emotional vulnerability and connection with aspects of comolete control and powerlessness with my partner. I desire the sort of emotional connection that tends to scare most people away, in and out of the bedroom. Emotions cannot be separated from the physical experience. Because of this, it is rare that I find a partner that can satisfy the sexual aspect of my relationship, which I equate to having at least a 1/3 portion of the relationship as a whole.”


22. “As an asexual INFJ, I find line of causation to be a little blurred. However, I think that even if I experienced sexual attraction, my desire for deep, meaningful connections would rule out interest in casual sex. Additionally, although I am asexual (and not sex-repulsed) I am willing to have sex/try new things with a partner whom I care about as a way to promote intimacy; and I suspect that this is somewhat related to my INFJ tendency to prioritize relationships.”


23. “I think as an INFJ I’m really good in bed because of my intuition and ability to anticipate or interpret what others like. I also think in terms of my sexual identity as queer it has had an influence in allowing me to be sexually attracted to people of ALL genders.”


24. “I think it’s hugely influential. I have trouble getting out of my own head, both during sex or even when experiencing sexual attraction. I have an incredibly difficult time being in the moment, which I think it common for an INFJ 5w6 person. It keeps me from experiencing all that I am capable of sexually.”


25. “I’m very sensual; I enjoy getting caught up in the moment, and engage my Se by enjoying my partner and my environment. I’m definitely able to have casual hookups when I’m focused on enjoying the moment. At the same time, I like having a purpose or end game for everything I do, including sex, so I get bored with casual hookups or partners who don’t fit into my bigger picture.”


26. “I need connection to really let go. If I feel that the person does Mt care about me deeply or even loves me and I am in the position of power in the relationship (not necessarily sexually though) then I won’t be able to enjoy myself. Being loved makes me feel sexy because I know they love something about me deeper than my looks and care for my soul. I wish I could be more exciting in bed, or more inhibited and try new things or even some pretty normal basic things, but in so in my own head sometimes and I’m so conscious of what the other person might be feeling or thinking or experiencing that it inhibits me and I seem to freeze and not want to go ahead with the situation at all. I wish I could have someone that would sense this about me and reassure me. I need comfort and intimacy and respect and understanding and a deep, loving connection to feel like I can speak openly and experiment openly. I fear judgement so much that it stops me from doing many things.”TC mark


Jump To:

Rationals: ENTP / INTP / ENTJ / INTJ
Artisans: ESTP / ISTP / ESFP / ISFP
Guardians: ESTJ / ISTJ / ESFJ / ISFJ
Idealists: ENFP / INFP / ENFJ / INFJ

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About the author
Heidi is the author of The First New Universe, The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide, and The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide. Follow Heidi on Instagram or read more articles from Heidi on Thought Catalog.

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