Here Is Your Bullshit Horoscope For May Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP:

Your life has gotten royally weird this month – and you are simply trying to keep up. An intoxicating new personality has entered your awareness as of late, and you’re feeling more and more drawn to their presence. Follow your heart this month – particularly around the 18th – but be careful, and check in with yourself as you go. Experimentation is a wonderful thing, but you don’t want to push your limits in a way that will ultimately leave you feeling uncomfortable.

INFP:

You’re feeling a great deal of pressure this month to live up to an expectation that has been externally placed on you. As much as you want to make those around you happy, remember that you ultimately know what is best for yourself. Take some time around the end of the month to go completely off the grid and spend a few days reconnecting with your thoughts. As much as you’ll be missed, you need the time away to recharge and re-center – and you owe it to yourself to take it.

ENFJ:

You’re surrounded by inspirational personalities this month – many of whom serve as a reminder of the kind of person you’re aspiring to be. Relish in their presence, but try not to compare yourself to others too harshly – remember that your journey is entirely unique to you. Plus, you’d be surprised to discover how many of the people you’re currently in awe of are also feeling inspired and impressed by you!

INFJ:

You’re feeling torn between your loyalties this month when it comes to old and budding relationships. While you want your life to grow and progress in a healthy way, you don’t want anyone you care about to feel as though you’re leaving them behind. Try to keep in mind this month that when it comes to new relationships, “different” does not equal “worse.” Take a chance on someone new around the 16th – you’ll be surprised by how impactful their presence on your life will turn out to be.

ENTP:

You’re worried about something that borders on irrational this month – and even though you know that it will work out for the best, inferior Si is getting the better of you. Mid-month, connect with a new group of people and open up to them about your concerns. They’ll have more answers than you’d expect, and they may even help you re-engage your Ne healthily, by presenting you with an exciting new opportunity.

INTP:

You’re experiencing some significant changes at work that you didn’t see coming this month – and as much as they make logical sense, you’re feeling a little apprehensive about their implementation. Rather than letting these changes throw you off, look at them as an opportunity to re-define what comes next for you. You’re more in control now than ever, and it’s time you took advantage of that.

ENTJ:

You’re experiencing a lifestyle transition this month and although you are wholly prepared for it, you’re still feeling a little on edge. Try to resist the urge to over-plan for things going wrong around the end of the month. Your fears can be a self-fulfilling prophecy – whereas everything is likely to work out for the best if you stay true to the original plan.

INTJ:

You’ve been misreading some interpersonal signals lately, and you can’t help but feel a little down on yourself for it. But rather than beating yourself up about how you ought to have acted, focus on moving past the situation and continuing to build on what’s going well. You’ve hit some personal and professional goals in the past couple of months – invite your loved ones to share in those triumphs with you. At the end of the day, the people who truly matter will always want to see you fulfilled above all else.

ESFP:

You’re experiencing a wee bit of an identity crisis this month – and your usually rock-solid confidence is starting to feel shaky at best. Remember, as you navigate some thoroughly bizarre situations near the middle of the month that the opinions others hold of you do not define you. You define yourself and who you are is pretty damn amazing – even when it feels like nobody’s noticing.

ISFP:

This month you’re more than ready to indulge in some of the hard-earned freedom you’ve been craving. Some of the pressure of the winter season has lifted with the arrival of spring and you owe it to yourself to have some fun. Take a new friend up on a spontaneous offer around the 16th – but don’t run too far away from home. You still have a few responsibilities to adhere to, after all. Enjoy yourself, but employ balance where balance is needed as the month draws itself to a close.

ESFJ:

You’re feeling guilty about a recent event this month – and while your concerns are not entirely unfounded, it’s time that you gave yourself a break. You’re only human after all, and none of the mistakes you have made were born out of malice or spite. You have always only been doing the best you can with the information you have at the time. And at the end of the day, that’s always the most you can ask of yourself.

ISFJ:

You’re feeling neglected this month and your concerns are not entirely unfounded. As difficult and uncomfortable as it may be, you owe it to yourself to speak up about not having your needs met. Chances are, the neglect is far from personal – and with a bit of awareness and honesty, the relationship that’s weighing so heavily on you can be quickly restored to good health.

ISTP:

You’ve been presented with the opportunity to mix up your regular routine this month and get started on a new project – one that is intimidating but rewarding in equal measure. Remember to pace yourself as you dive into things this month – as much as you’re inclined to barrel through as much work as you can as quickly as possible, you don’t to burn yourself out – and end up making an impulsive decision or two as a consequence.

ESTP:

You’ve recently jumped feet-first into a new situation and you’re more than a little excited about it – but you can’t help but feel like those around you don’t share your full enthusiasm. Rather than pressuring others to meet you on your level this month, give them the time and space they need to catch up. Not everyone’s as comfortable with uncertainty as you are, and they may need a little extra time to warm up to the change in circumstance.

ISTJ:

You’re growing wearisome about a situation at work this month, which is taking far too long to resolve itself. While you know that patience is a virtue, you’re frustrated by the lack of control that you have over how things are going to work out. In the meantime, turn your attention toward family and loved ones. They can’t solve your problems for you, but they can remind you of what’s most important – which is the life you have outside the office.

ESTJ:

You’ve had to let down somebody close to you recently in order to reach a personal goal and it’s time to repair the damage done. Carve out the time to do something special with the person who’s feeling let down, to demonstrate that you still value their role in your life. You have to take care of yourself first and they understand that – but it doesn’t mean you’re lacking a heart or conscience.

Check out Heidi’s book “How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Personality Type.”