Here Is Your Bullshit Horoscope For April 2016 Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP:

You’re longing for something you can’t have this month – but your lust exists to teach you something. Instead of lamenting over what you can’t have, try asking yourself why you’re fixating on this particular issue and what that fixation can tell you about yourself. Stay up later than usual on the 16th of April to talk things over with a close iNtuitive friend. Clarity will come to you – you just have to stop running away from it and allow the truth about what you’ve really been chasing to sink in.

INFP:

This month you’re finding yourself reflecting a little too heavily on past actions that you wish you’d handled differently. Take some time out on the 23rd to disconnect from the outside world and reconnect with yourself. You’ve been running on overdrive for far longer than you realize, and you need to re-center before you’re ready to keep barreling onwards.

ENFJ:

You’ve been working overtime to wrap up a major project this month – but your progress has turned into hardcore procrastination. Take the opportunity on the 13th of this month to reorganize your daily schedule in a way that doesn’t allow you so many leniencies – you’re almost at the end of your sprint and you might as well finish it strong.

INFJ:

You’ve hit your professional groove in the past couple months and you’re enjoying the opportunity to finally make vacation plans for the upcoming months. However, be wary of straying too far from home. Your presence will become necessary to someone close to you by the 19th of this month and being physically removed will only cause you mental duress. Try channeling your wanderlust into a creative project instead – your inventiveness will reach an all-time high on the 22nd and any venture you begin is likely to exceed your own expectations for it.

ENTP:

Someone unexpected has crashed the party of your life in the past couple of months and your emotional energy has been thrown out of whack as a result. In the first two weeks of April, access your tertiary Fe to understand how you feel about the unexpected presence. Attempt to use it as an opportunity for growth, rather than an uncomfortable weakness, as the lessons you could glean from it will become particularly useful around the 27th of this month.

INTP:

This month presents itself as a period of intense reflection that may feel anxiety-inducing for you. Your past coping mechanisms haven’t been serving you in your current state, and so you must develop new ones moving forward. Practice mindfulness and meditation around the 27th of this month to achieve clarity about your next move. You already have all the answers you seek, you have simply been clouding out your own thoughts unnecessarily.

ENTJ:

An attractive new love interest is looming on your horizon – but take caution in approaching them too quickly! This person may be presenting themselves in a deceptive or dishonest fashion. Their true colours will be shown by the 18th of the month – until then hang off, lay low and allow things to play out organically.

INTJ:

You are experiencing a period of confidence in your life – but you mustn’t forget that you still have plenty of room to grow this month. Just because things have been going swimmingly doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to stay that way. Be particularly open to surprises around April 10th – an attractive new venture may be on the horizon but you’ll miss it if you are not paying attention.

ESFP:

April is a month of stress and tension for you. You’ve been working steadily towards the completion of a major goal but you are starting to feel desperate and drained. Take yourself out for a night on the town on the 23rd to blow off some steam and recharge. Pay particular attention to the thinking types you meet while out this weekend – one of them will have a significant impact on your life in months to come.

ISFP:

You’ve been feeling a little lost lately – the absence of a loved one is wearing heavily on your heart and you’ve been straining to remain optimistic. Take the opportunity to clear your head with a miniature road trip around the 19th – it’s fresh air and wide-open roads that you’ve been craving, but your mind will not clue into this until your body does. Give yourself some adventurous TLC this month and trust that you will thank yourself later.

ESFJ:

You are experiencing some physical distress this month it’s left you worrying about the strain you’re putting on others. Let this fear go – this is your opportunity to cash in on the good karma you have built up over years of giving to others. Spend the month relaxing and rejuvenating – but do make time to catch up with an old friend around the 20th. They are in need of your care and connection more than you could possibly know.

ISFJ:

You are direly in need of a professional change. But you don’t need to throw your entire career out the window – simply look for opportunities that exist within your current role. If you are patient and diligent enough, a new mentor will enter your life around the 29th of this month. They will hold an unconventional route to the exact change that you are looking for – if you are simply willing to listen to what they have to say.

ISTP:

A new responsibility has left you struggling to balance old desires with new duties. Choose the selfish option on the 16th of this month when your hands seem to truly be tied – you’ll ultimately understand that taking care of yourself is absolutely what you should be making a priority this month.

ESTP:

You have been working hard to balance your desires and your responsibilities in the past few months – but it’s time you put the breaks on your ‘work hard’ attitude. A new opportunity will present itself to you by the 13th of this month and you absolutely owe it to yourself to go for it – regardless of how impulsive or indulgent it may seem in the moment.

ISTJ:

You have been given the opportunity to support others in a meaningful way this month – take it. The selfless actions you do will not be forgotten, and they will circle back to you in unconventional ways in the future. Do allow a day for yourself around the 22nd of this month, though. The break will be exactly what you need and those around you will appreciate your rejuvenated state of mind.

ESTJ:

This month will present you with a significant professional decision that everyone around you will seem to have a strong opinion about. Though you are quick to cast of much of their advice, do take care to factor in what a family member has to say around the 19th of this month. They know you better than you think they do – and their advice is more salient than you could possibly imagine.

Check out Heidi’s book “How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Personality Type.”