They tell you, “If you’re not happy, it’s time to move on.” They say, “Let him go, because you’ll feel so much better when you do.” They swear, “When you put your relationship behind you, it will be the end of all your troubles.”
Just like that, everything will be so much better.
In a lot of ways, they are right. The relief of letting him go when you know you’ve been carrying the unnecessary weight of your already-deceased relationship around with you for so long, is indescribable. The rush that you get when you realize you are in control of your own happiness, and that you are allowed to change your mind on what you want, is absolutely amazing. The benefits of breaking up with him are almost immediate. What they don’t tell you, is that the happiness that comes with your new-found freedom quickly fades. They don’t tell you that breaking up with him is actually a process. It doesn’t just happen overnight.
Breaking up with him is more than simply telling him it’s over and changing your relationship status on Facebook. It’s more than deleting his number from your phone, and his name from your friends list on social media. Truly letting go of him and your relationship takes time.
They don’t tell you that breaking up with him means you’re going to lose that bond you once had with the very person who you used to consider your best friend. They don’t tell you how much smaller your world is going to feel, when you realize he isn’t the person you feel comfortable going to every time something good or bad happens in your life anymore. They don’t tell you about how the people who you considered long-time friends are going to pick sides and walk away with him, despite your personal decision to leave your relationship being none of their business.
They don’t tell you that a week after the breakup, you’re going to fight back tears as you wait on a customer who smells like the exact combination of cologne, laundry detergent, nicotine, and puppy that he did. They don’t tell you that you’re still going to see him in your dreams almost every night, and fight with him in REM cycles, only to wake up exhausted, as if he were still there. They don’t tell you that you’re going to have to unlearn the habit of reaching for small things on the shelves at the convenience store that you know he would love.
They don’t tell you that two months later, you’re going to get drunk and find yourself still cleaning traces of him out of your bedroom. Just when you thought you finally got everything, you’re going to find one of his socks in the corner, by your closet. They don’t tell you that you’re going to find the shelf full of his snacks that you forgot you had bought just for him, in case he was having a bad day, or got hungry in the middle of the night and started craving those damn Pringles or Pop Tarts. You’re going to find the spare toothbrush that he used one time on top of your dresser, beneath the pile of poetry you could never bring yourself to finish writing about him, because even then, you knew something didn’t feel right.
They don’t tell you that even though it was your decision, you’re still going to grieve what you left behind. They don’t tell you that, even though you know you made the right choice, and all romantic feelings you once had for him are long gone, you’re still going to miss him.
they don’t tell you that missing him, despite everything,