1. You would bathe in Groucho’s sauce and it’s a necessity on family beach trips.

2. Eating boiled peanuts is an art and no tailgate is complete without them. The fewer teeth the seller has, the better the peanuts.

3. There is nothing like the taste of a homegrown tomato atop a bed of Duke’s Mayo and a dash of salt and pepper.

4. Peach season is as important as football. You have bought them from the same man, at the same gas station, for 20 years. God bless him. (P.S. Georgia, we have more than you).

5. Barbecue is mustard-based. The end.

6. Thanksgiving dressing is cornbread-based. The end.

7. Crabbing is a sport. Deviled crabs are a delicacy.

8. Oyster roasts are the obvious way to celebrate.

9. As a child, you overdosed on Saf-t-pops in the kid’s room at Junior League meetings.

10. You know grocery stores to be a front for social clubs.

11. If you open your bedroom window, you have a natural sound machine. Choose from either crashing waves or mountain crickets…OK or cicadas but we won’t go there.

12. Pawleys is your safe haven and tiger butter fudge from the Hammock Shops RULES.

13. You own at least three “I’m Big on the Pig” tees.

14. Your choice of footwear is Rainbow or barefoot.

15. Bowties are not a joke; they’re a necessity.

16. Seersucker gets you going.

17. There are four seasons: winter, spring, summer and college football.

18. You are either Tiger or Gamecock and fence riding will not be tolerated.

19. When hung-over, your first words are: “Yes, I’ll have a Cajun filet chicken biscuit and a large sweet tea, please”. That is, unless you’re miserably reciting The Lord’s Prayer in church.

20. You have to continuously scan and edit professional e-mails for “y’alls.”

21. You will forever call your friends’ parents “Mr. and Mrs.”

22. The look you got for NOT saying “yes sir” or “yes mam” as a child is the same look you get from outsiders when you say it as an adult.

23. You know you can never go wrong with a smile and a wave; unless you’re waving at a Northerner, then they’ll think you’re mental.

24. Cook or clean? Pick one because, when it comes to supper, you’re doing one or the other.

25. You say supper.

26. You can harmoniously name all 46 South Carolina counties by song.

27. You’ve made a few mistakes at Pavlov’s. It’s ok, so has the Carolina football team.

28. You take criticism with open ears and grace unless it’s unjust, then you wait and privately cut them with a tongue sharper than an oyster shell.

29. You curse very creatively, dagnabbit to hell!

30. YES, you have been to Hilton Head and YES, you have been to Charleston. Don’t ask you again.
31. You don’t discuss South of the Border.

32. “Southern Charm” is, first, complete bull and, second, infuriating.

33. You are overly proud of your SC license plate although you really miss the green and blue ones. R.I.P.

34. You have more “palmetto and moon” decals than you’d ever need.

35. When Darius Rucker’s name comes up, you let others know you that you share a bond joined by the alcohol that runs through Five Points.

36. A pinecone has caused you one or more physical injuries.

37. 99% of your family still lives there or one state over.

38. Fireflies are your spirit animal and you deeply regret pulling their butts off as a child; although, it did look pretty cool to have a fluorescent marking on your forehead. Regardless, I’m so very sorry fireflies…not a proud moment.

39. You’ve fallen in love on the beach.

40. If you’re not already there, you know you’ll go back.

Like this? Read Rob Fee’s hilarious account of growing up in the south here.