Read This If You’re Scared Of Falling In Love

If you’re scared of falling in love, don’t worry—you’re not alone.

Love is a beautiful thing. The passion, the romance, the chemistry between you and the other person. Giggles, laughter, and an electric touch—all of these things are something we desire in one way or another. Why, then, are we so scared of falling in love?

When we say ‘I’m scared of falling in love’ what we actually mean is: I’m scared of being vulnerable and intimate with someone. I’m scared of letting down my guard and letting another person truly see me. I’m scared of opening my heart and letting love in, because there’s a risk of getting hurt. I’m scared of being raw and unfiltered.

Falling in love doesn’t make us scared. Vulnerability and intimacy make us feel scared.

We’re scared of the uncertainty of opening up ourselves to another person. We’re scared of taking the risk in case it doesn’t work out.

We’re scared of the emotional exposure that comes with intimacy.

These things require courage, and it just so happens that vulnerability and courage happen to go hand in hand.

You need courage to be vulnerable.

Opening up your heart? It’s courageous. Exposing yourself emotionally and being intimate? Courage level 99.

In the world of Instagram stories, Facebook posts, Tweets, Tinder, and Bumble, we’re a society that’s more disconnected than ever.

We’re more comfortable sitting on our coach scrolling through potential mates rather than going to events where we could actually meet a potential mate. We’re more comfortable flirting through emojis and quick Snapchats versus building that flirting muscle IRL.

Vulnerability and real intimacy doesn’t happen through apps and screens and real courage isn’t expressed that way, either.

Real vulnerability and courageousness is letting someone else see your real and raw self. The bloopers, mishaps, mistakes, and behind-the-scenes rather than those Instagram highlight reels.

Another reason why you’re scared to fall in love?

You’re scared to lose control.

We like to be in control of things. We like to know what’s gonna happen, how it’s gonna happen, and when it’s gonna happen.

We want a whole 20-page presentation with graphs and numbers and pie charts so we can know what to expect.

That’s not how love,or relationships work.

What will happen? Who knows. Where will things go and how will they go? No idea. You will just have to wait and see.

When you’re falling in love, and when you enter a relationship, you’re there with a whole, complete, living-and-breathing human being.

Your partner isn’t a project that needs to be managed and they’re not a proposal that needs to be completed. You can’t control the other person or the outcome.

You can influence it, of course, but you can’t obsessively control it and micromanage it.

But you know what? Some things just can’t—and shouldn’t—be controlled.

Some things are worth losing control over.

We’re all scared. We all don’t know what we’re doing, and we’re all taking a risk.

Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself experience real, raw, and heart-opening intimacy, and let yourself lose control. It’ll be worth it.

About the author

Gabie Rudyte

Gabie is a life coach and creator based in the Netherlands.