You’ve been ghosted. Again. What to do now? Oh, I know! Cry rivers and consume three times your recommended daily calorie allowance to ease the pain. That was obviously sarcasm, kids. Please don’t eat that much ice cream or drink that much vodka and please, pretty please, save your tears for circumstances that truly call for them.

You were ghosted—I know it stings. I’ve been there and I know that it can really syphon the confidence right out of you. The truth is that there’s absolutely no excuse for this cowardly act, yet somehow, when it happens, we’re often left with a sense of wanting answers.

This is when you feel that urge to text your ghoster and ask them what you did wrong. Perhaps you don’t only want closure but also want to gain their love back. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you never had their love.

The next time you feel like texting this miserable excuse for a human, read this list.

1. They’re not that great.

Let’s be real, we overrate the people we date. It’s true. Think back to every person you’ve gone out with and now think back to all of the flaws you realized they had after the fact. Crooked teeth, smelly feet, never taking care of an entire check at a restaurant—the list goes on. This person is no different. If you think hard enough, you’re bound to find a few traits about this person for which you were willing to make concessions.

2. In a few months, this person will only be a distant memory.

You will have been on so many dates that this person seriously won’t matter. Sooner or later, they’ll be a random memory that pops up and leaves just as quickly as it came.

3. They haven’t reached out for a reason.

They ghosted you. They didn’t forget to text you back. They weren’t “busy”. It’s likely that they’re not in a coma somewhere. They ghosted because they didn’t like something about you or just didn’t see it happening. It sucks, I know, but they have their reasons.

4. Keep your dignity.

You’re not trying to beg anyone for love. That’s not how love works. We decide to love people. It’s not a feeling, so keep your dignity close to your heart and love yourself first. You don’t need this person.

5. So what if they like your pictures?

Yeah, they may still be lingering on your social media. Ignore it. Liking a picture means absolutely nothing. It means you look good in a picture. That’s it. Don’t read any deeper into it or get your hopes up.

6. The silent treatment works (sometimes).

In a strange turn of events, sometimes not reaching out resurrects the ghoster. I wouldn’t recommend giving them a second shot, but I have no problem encouraging you to use this for your own amusement. It feels good when they come back from ghost-land and try to kick it to you again. Let it feel good. This person used you, so you can use them right back. It’s only fair.

7. Remember how they truly make you feel.

Think back to the moment you realized they had ghosted you and how it made you feel. Think that it could happen again, shattering that little heart of yours a bit further.

8. Give someone else a chance.

You’re hot. You’re going to get looks from other people. You’re going to go on other dates. Heck, the next date you go on could be with the love of your life. Don’t give this person any of the energy that you could be investing in someone else.

9. You deserve someone who truly wants to be with you.

This person doesn’t want to be with you. It’s as simple as that. Think about that every single time you feel the urge to reach out and trust me, you’ll put your phone down immediately. Also, keep in mind that you were not the issue, they were. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. You were open to falling in love and they were so closed that they couldn’t even verbalize to you that they weren’t interested anymore.

10. This is all part of the game.

Okay, so I’m not making any excuses for this person, but I do think it’s fair to be realistic. The truth is that ghosting happens. It’s a part of this now, and you have two choices. The first is to understand it and not let it affect you when it happens. The second is lose faith in love and never date again due to your irrational fear of getting ghosted. I know it stings, but it stings for a teeny, tiny while. You’ll be okay.