It’s been a hot minute since I last mentioned the Babadook and Pennywise in an article, so I thought I’d check in with them today. I’m happy to report that these two are still going strong! They’ve bought a new vacation property in the Macroverse and continue to happily feast on children. They did go through a rough patch when Babadook refused to attend any of Pennywise’s improv shows, but Pennywise ended that argument by threatening to burn Babadook’s haunted picture book, which would have deprived Babadook of his supernatural ability to terrorize families.
However, it might be nice to have some other A-List horror couples making headlines in People Magazine, don’t you think? I’m tired of it always being about Pennywise and Babadook. With that in mind, here are 13 other horror villains who should pair up and take the spotlight off of these two – just in time for October.
P.S. Chucky and Bride of Chucky will not appear in this listicle, because that would be too obvious.
Annie Wilkes and Norman Bates
Who said Norman Bates from Psycho is canonically gay? Given his, er, all-consuming love for his mother, I’d venture that he’s at least pan. He wouldn’t be the first pan drag queen, after all. And in any case, imagine the sparks that would fly if he met Annie Wilkes from Misery? He’s got mommy issues, she’s got daddy issues (as in, she killed hers), and both of them have hang-ups about religion. Just keep Annie away from those mallets, Normy!
Mother Xenomorph and Bruce, the shark from Jaws
As RuPaul might say, call her Mother. I’m talking about the Xenomorph mom from Aliens in this case, but still: “Mother Xenomorph” has a ring to it, and it allows us to make more portmanteaus with her name. For instance, when Mother Xenomorph inevitably crashes into Earth and starts dating the equally powerful and non-human Bruce the Shark, we will call them “Brother Xenomorph.”
Jigsaw and Leatherface
Leatherface never talks, and Jigsaw doesn’t do anything else. Plus, they love to use masks to hide their true faces from the world. So, what would happen if they removed the masks and saw each other for who they truly were? A murder-suicide? Or love?
Freddie Krueger and Carrie
For such a seasoned killer, Freddie Krueger demonstrates very little self control. However, this actually makes him perfect for Carrie, who famously lost her composure to the point that she murdered everyone at her prom. These two can heal each other! Just like Carrie, Freddie is blind to reason and deaf to cries for mercy. Plus, Carrie is potentially undead now, so she can go on little escapes with Freddie to the Nightmare World whenever she’s bored. After all, at the end of the day, these two are just lonely and misunderstood supernatural mass murderers. By the way, I’m talking about the original 1976 version of Carrie, of course. The 2013 Carrie burns in Hell!
Hannibal Lecter and Pinhead
Out of all of Hollywood’s famous horror movie villains, Pinhead and Hannibal are the most erudite. They love a nice turn of phrase, especially one harboring sinister intentions, and they often play with their food. And while Pinhead would be a generally absent lover – he only appears for ten minutes in 1987’s Hellraiser – this would work out for Hannibal, who’s only allowed short conjugal visits. Do I hear wedding bells?
Michael Myers, Ghostface, and Jason Voorhees
We have a throuple, people! While Michael and Jason never speak, this wouldn’t be a problem for Ghostface, who is perfectly happy having one-sided conversations that don’t go anywhere. Plus, Ghostface is a different person every two years, so Jason and Michael would never get bored with him/her/them. And to top it all off, Michael and Jason are immortal, so neither has to worry about surviving the other. I can’t think of anything more tragic than a beautiful murderous romance getting cut short by natural causes. Oh, and did I mention that all three are mask for mask? Ugh, I deserve to be offed by Ghostface just for making that joke. (Bring it on, daddy. I do like scary movies.)
