Whether you love or feel indifferent towards Feud: Capote vs. the Swans, you probably have fond memories of the series’ first season, Bette and Joan. Deliciously melodramatic and often quite insightful, it accomplished one major task: letting Old Hollywood icons Bette Davis and Joan Crawford go at it. There’s no schadenfreude quite like the one you get from watching celebrities tear each other apart. After all, their lives are so removed from ours that the drama never even feels real. It’s easy to forget that there are people behind those feuds.
That said, here are 5 more Hollywood feuds that we’d unabashedly love to exploit for drama.
Lea Michele vs. the entire cast of Glee
It’s unlikely that the Feud executive producer would greenlight a season that tackles his own series, Glee, but Lea Michele’s bad behavior on that show is the stuff that legends are made of. Any talented actress worth her salt would have a blast playing an inveterate narcissist such as Michele, and there’s no shortage of melodramatic Michele stunts that the show could recreate. After all, accounts of Michele torturing her castmates have surfaced from not just Glee, but The Mayor, Scream Queens, and even the Broadway performance of Spring Awakening, so this season of Feud would have plenty of opportunities to develop Michele’s character before arriving at its Glee-ful climax. And as a cherry on top, Michele reportedly once told a castmate, “I will sh*t in your wig,” which is the most Ryan Murphy-esque quote to have never been in a Ryan Murphy show.
Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Martha Stewart
This Feud season would primarily take place in the stately kitchens and tastefully empty living rooms of Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart, who’ve enjoyed a lengthy, strongly-worded, and inconsequential feud since at least 2014. In that historical year, Stewart not only expressed her disdain for Paltrow’s infamous Goop brand, but she also accused Paltrow of stealing her vibes, telling Porter Magazine, “If [Paltrow] were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.” Paltrow later responded to this insult and other jabs by creating and marketing a “Jailbird Cake” on Goop that referenced Stewart’s criminal past – the WASP equivalent of setting someone’s car on fire. Imagine numerous icy glances set to Olivia Rodrigo. Elizabeth Holmes will star as Gwyneth Paltrow.
Frank Sinatra vs. Marlon Brando
Since Feud loves recreating Hollywood history, we’ll honor this by traveling back to the 20th century for our next season. Frank Sinatra, a singer and actor whom you may have heard of, was not a fan of fellow sex symbol Marlon Brando. Sinatra’s ego just wouldn’t let him like the guy. You see, Brando had won the Oscar-winning role of Terry Malloy in On the Waterfront over Sinatra, causing the actor-singer to act out when they worked together on Guys and Dolls. On set, Sinatra refused to share singing tips with Brando, whereas Brando would purposely flub lines just so Sinatra would have to redo all his scenes. Now, imagine watching George Clooney and Russel Crowe engage in this passive-aggressive mental warfare while wearing ridiculous 1955 Guys and Dolls outfits. The Coen brothers could direct.
Johnny Carson vs. Joan Rivers
The original Queen of Mean, Joan Rivers, was one of the most talented comedians to grace TV in the 20th century. Though famous now for her brilliant standup routines and modern-day red carpet appearances, Rivers was also once a talk show host. She started in the ‘60s subbing for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show whenever Carson was on vacation, gaining legions of his fans for herself in the process. But when NBC snubbed her and didn’t place her on the short list of hosts to replace Carson after his retirement, Rivers chose violence and nabbed her own competing talk show on Fox. Carson, her shocked friend and mentor, never spoke to her again until his death.
This would be an introspective, ultimately tragic season of Feud; its soundtrack would consist of only Iron & Wine songs. Every scene transition would consist of a fade from an inanimate object to a close-up of Joan Rivers’ devastated face.
Olivia de Havilland vs. Joan Fontaine
Feud historians will already be familiar with this pair, thanks to Catherine Zeta-Jones’ portrayal of de Havilland on Bette and Joan. But these two could honestly fill multiple seasons of the series with delicious drama. Not just sisters, but A-List actresses, these two had just about every reason to compete with each other; and Hollywood ate it up. In 1942, the two queens even competed in the same category, Best Actress, at the Oscars. And while Fontaine won that night, the two never quite made amends. According to rumor, de Havilland even disinvited her younger sister from a memorial service for their deceased mother in 1975. Now, if you can just imagine Lady Gaga and Sarah Paulson screaming at each other while wearing black veils, then you’re on our wavelength.
