12 Things We Do After a Breakup That We Need to Stop Doing, Like, Right Now

Remus Stefan Cucu / (Shutterstock.com)
Remus Stefan Cucu / (Shutterstock.com)

So you just had your heart crushed by a guy that you thought could have been the one. Breakups suck, and sometimes when we’re upset, we do things that are not so smart, that we will one day look back at and wonder, “What in God’s name was I thinking?!?” So if you’ve just had a breakup, keep this list of Breakup No-No’s in mind.

1. Stalk him on social media.

WHOSE SELFIE DID HE JUST LIKE? Why does this girl always like his picture? Omg he did not just post a picture with a girl. Wait, he’s going out tonight, he’s totally going to hook up with…STOPPPPP. Nothing good can come out of stalking your ex’s social media. Nothing you see will make you feel better and you’ll probably just overanalyze everything he posts and drive yourself crazy. So if you really want to get over him, delete him. Don’t look at his page. Ever.

2. Drunk-text him.

It seems like such a great idea at the time and you’re certain you’ll handle it well, but then in the morning you’re going to be kicking yourself when you realize you made yourself look crazy. Refrain from drunk texts and calls.

3. Try to be friends with him.

OK, so obviously your ex is a good, cool person if you were dating him…however, that does not mean you’ll work as friends. Friends are people that care about each other in a nonromantic way. If the thought of your ex with someone else bothers you, you’re not ready to be friends. Give it some time, and maybe someday you can—just not today.

4. Mope over old texts and pictures.

Look how happy we were…oh, he was so sweet, he sent me the nicest text on my birthday. Those days are over, so snap out of it. Looking back at your old relationship will do nothing but make you sad and wonder how and why things went wrong. Delete the texts and pictures or put them in an old box in the back of your closet—out of sight, out of mind.

5. Put him on a pedestal.

He may be a great guy, but don’t put him on a pedestal—remember that you guys broke up for a reason. If you ever want to get over him, don’t compare every guy to him and think you’ll never do better because you probably can and will.

6. Go “boy crazy.”

“The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one.” False. After a breakup, many of us seek attention from other guys. It’s only natural: We just had our hearts crushed, and having someone showing interest is such a good feeling. However, rebounds are a dangerous thing. Your heart is broken and you’re vulnerable, so you hook up with someone, feel good about it in the moment, and then realize later they don’t care about you the way your ex did. Random hookups will not make the feeling of emptiness go away, it will only make you feel used. If you’re going to do it, don’t take it for more than it is.

The best way to mend your heart is to spend time doing things that you love. Take some personal time, get your nails done, hang out with your friends, and enjoy the things in life that make you feel good!

7. Rush into another relationship.

As mentioned in #6, there’s nothing better than other guys showing interest in you after a breakup. However, the odds are you’re emotionally unavailable. You get a rush from the prospect of a new relationship and give it a try—well, don’t. Rushing into a relationship is really just using your new boyfriend to fill a void that he can’t fill. It’s unfair to him and quite frankly, you’ll be the asshole here.

8. Try to make him jealous.

Don’t rub your new “singleness” in his face. Posting a picture with a guy or being at the same party as your ex and flirting with every guy there may seem like good ways to make him jealous—and it may work, but what’s the point? It will make you look immature (and even a little bit crazy) and will probably lead to nothing but a fight or some bad feelings toward each other. Remember, jealousy is a two-way street: Do you want your ex to do that kind of stuff to make you jealous? Didn’t think so.

9. Turn to social media as your emotional outlet.

It’s OK to be sad; really, it is! But don’t post every emotion you feel every time you feel it on your Twitter and Facebook page. Sad Taylor Swift lyrics. Angry subtweets. Talking about your hopelessness and sadness. Remember that people other than your ex will see these posts and judge accordingly. You’re strong and can make it through—feel sad and showcase these emotions in a more private way. Talk to your friends, family, a counselor, or my personal favorite: Write a journal.

10. Make drastic changes to your appearance.

When we go through a breakup we are apt to make impulse decisions. I mean, clearly something you were doing wasn’t working, so you want to change. Well, don’t. Odds are, your relationship didn’t end because you didn’t have a cool, new haircut or lacked a certain tattoo. While there is nothing wrong with a change, take time to think about if it’s something you really want before you decide to dye the hair or get a tattoo on your ankle.

11. Pretend you’re OK.

OK, so I’ve been pretty harsh so far. Here comes the mushy stuff. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to sit at home crying your eyes out while watching The Notebook with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in hand. You just lost something very important to you and you need to and deserve to mourn that loss. You should express yourself and your feelings because if you don’t, you will feel numb. Take your time to feel. If you think you’re getting upset too often, seek someone to talk to—a friend, relative, therapist, hotline number—anything to make you feel better.

12. Give up on love.

DON’T GIVE UP! Just because one relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that the rest won’t. Unless you take the highly unlikely route of deciding to become a nun, you won’t be single forever. You may want to take yourself out of the game for a while to heal and rebuild/rediscover who you are, but don’t give up! You are an amazing person who deserves to be loved, and one day you’ll find it! This breakup has brought you one step closer to finding the one. You’ve got this, girl! TC mark

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