1. Servers are the only ones making any money

A party of 4 came in last night. They were super needy for the entire 2 hours they sat there. The wait for desserts and drinks was pretty bad, we had a new bartender and a new dessert cook. My guests weren’t too rude about it or anything, but they seemed strange.

At the end of the meal one of them stopped me to tell me he was a pastor. He said that they didn’t have much money because of the government shutdown. He said that servers were the only people making money during it, and that we’re all rich because we lie about how much we make so we don’t pay taxes.

His bill was $157.

He wrote a big 0 in the tip line.

2. Creepy

7 top. Table gets excellent service. $140 bill or so. Person paying check is friendly and all smiles. Tips $0. Waits at the door to see the sad dejected look on the waitress’s face as she looks at the receipt and gives a Hannibal Lector smile. You could just tell he derived pleasure from her pain.

3. Oh really?

Customer continuously asked me for my phone number, after refusing multiple times he then told me ‘You’re not hot anyway.’

4. I’ll get right on that

I work at a sushi restaurant. I’ve actually had customers ask me to lay naked on the table so they could eat sushi off of me.

5. Just grind some sugar

Family of 6 plus grandma and grampa, completely white trash from the onset. They had clearly scoured the city for every coupon they could find. Right away the obese, shrill, boufant coiffed mother tells the kids they can’t have soda unless grandma and grampa pay for it. Super classy. Everything is going well, and I have since been sat at least 3 other large tables when I’m bringing their entrees out. When I check back the mom bitchily asks why her son didn’t get any powdered sugar with his monte cristo. I reply that we don’t serve it with powdered sugar, just strawberry cream cheese. Lady flips out and says that it isn’t a monte without powdered sugar. I reply that I don’t think we even have powdered sugar in house, but I would be happy to double check. Her response: “Well, powedered sugar is just ground sugar so you can just make some.” I stood there flabbergasted for a good 30 seconds before her husband finally piped up and said, “You can’t really be serious, he’s not going to go grind sugar for you.”

This was clear support for my theory that plenty of nice guys marry because they feel trapped or just want to start a family and end up with atrocious, bloated she-zillas for wives.

6. The whole theatre community will hear about this

I served a lady who ordered a French onion soup. I returned a minute after delivery and asked how everything was. She made it CLEAR that she did not like the soup. I took it away, gave her the menu, and she ordered a bruchetta with feta cheese (If you had it with feta cheese, there was a 75 cent extra charge). It arrived in timely fashion. She seemed pleased.

Until, the bill arrived…

Now, I didn’t charge her for the French onion soup (she ate half of the thing), but she had a MELTDOWN because I charged her the measly 75 cents for the feta! She started screaming infront of everybody that I was being rude, and that she was going to tell everyone, EVERYONE not to come to our restaurant. “YOUR SOUP IS SHIT!”. “THE ENTIRE THEATRE COMMUNITY IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS!” She ripped up her bill and crumpled it up in front of me. The whole thing was quite surreal. I was stoic, I never had anything like that happen before, so I didn’t know how to react. Bitch.