I’m slowly learning that the only person I am responsible for is myself. A notion that is easy to understand in theory, but takes experience to understand it in practice. I am not responsible for how other people feel about me, my decisions, or who I am as a person. I’m slowly learning that being highly empathetic does not mean I’m required to heal anyone else. That will always be an inside job. I’m slowly learning that time is not a contract, and I am at-will in regards to everyone in my circle. I’m learning that it’s okay to move on towards what I feel compelled to because I am not obligated to be the person that I used to be in the slightest.
I’m slowly learning how much more energy I have for the things I love when I stop spending it all on what I feel obligated to do. I’m learning how much more I can enjoy the relationships that bring me joy when I stop trying to force the ones that don’t. I can slowly feel the tension ease up in my muscles as situations pass by that once would have left me depleted, and instead they show me how truly far I’ve come. And I can feel the tension being replaced with elation as I find more and more things that I love about this life I’ve been given.
I’m slowly learning that anything that’s forced isn’t really worth my time. This goes for relationships, lifestyle choices, or anything that I’ve been convinced that I “should do” in order to get some kind of validation. I’m slowly learning that a good life is something to experience, not earn. I am reminded of all the beautiful things that happen when I just let go and allow them to find me. My mind is the freest thing about me, and I can choose to make it a kinder place for myself.
Someone wise once told me to control my emotions so that I don’t let them control me. I’m slowly learning that this is not so much about forcing myself to feel a certain way, but rather allowing myself to honor how I truly feel rather than how I have previously been guilted into feeling. I am free to feel however I choose to about anything because this life is mine. I don’t owe anyone or anything a reaction that doesn’t reflect what resonates with my soul.
I’m slowly learning how it is up to me to fill my life with what brings me joy. The music, movies, food, environment, people, work, family – all of it. This may require clearing the way by letting go of what I’ve been unnecessarily holding onto, but I’m slowly learning just how ready I am to do that. I deserve to.
I’m learning that I can change what I want to change and continue to pursue the pieces of my life that are working without any regard to anyone else.
I’m slowly learning that it’s about time that I take back the power that was always mine, and begin to live the life that has been meant for me from the beginning.