22 Private Investigators Confess To The Weirdest, Most Messed Up Cases They Ever Had

via Flickr - j bizzie
via Flickr – j bizzie

1. Wife Wants To Know If Husband Is Sticking Her Things Up His Butt

A couple was divorcing and the wife was sure her husband was sticking random items of hers up his ass.

He was.

Man I wish I could post video. What you don’t realize is I didn’t set up cameras in the bathrooms so you gotta picture this dude walking around the house with this toothbrush sticking out of his ass. Because of course he is naked, I would assume the clothing pushing on it would make it more uncomfortable than it already was. And dude had a semi. I am still scarred from these images. I could never tell if it was bristles out or in tho.


2. Cursed By A Cult

I’m a private fire investigator. I’ve seen some people do some weird shit but one of the strangest was the guy who was convinced that the church next door set his house on fire.

He told us about how they came over and prayed on his car that it would break down, then it did. Then they came over and prayed that his house would burn down, and it did.

Turns out the “church” next door is kind of a cult. And by kind of, I mean really a cult.

But they didn’t burn the house. The tenant’s crazy ex-boyfriend did. Thought I was going to get to interview cult members for a while though.


3. Earning The Nickname “Detective Tits”

Did surveillance on a nurse. She was supposedly so disabled that she couldn’t work. They suspected she was working. Easiest surveillance I ever did. I arrived. She got in her car 10 minutes later. Followed her, with no complication, to a strip club where she went in and began doing her thing.

Club had a posted prohibition on video. So I had to go in and watch her dance so that I could testify that I saw her dancing when it went to court. Over the next few days I followed her to three other strip clubs and did the same.

That month I turned in the sketchiest expense report of my life.

Eventually, it went before the WC Board. When the judge asked why she was stripping she just shrugged and said she made twice as much money than when she was nursing.

Benefits got yanked. Insurance company was happy. But the company lawyer gave me the nickname “Detective Tits” which, most regrettably, stuck and spread to all of the other lawyers I dealt with.

Worst night of my life, man.


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