27. Back From A Night Of Drinking
When I was in secondary school, I came home from a night out drinking and while downing pints of water at the kitchen sink a man walked into the kitchen with a gearbag of stuff. The only thing close to me was the knife block, so I grabbed one and ran him out of the house. He got away in the end and good thing too as when I looked down, I realised I had grabbed the knife sharpener…
28. “Can I Help You?”
I use to live near the ghetto in Oceanside, CA, anyone whose been there knows why its so bad. I was real young and I was at home with my mother and older sister. It was late at night and we had all the lights off so it looked like nobody was home – we were all sitting on the couch though in the living room finishing a movie before bed. We hear the door shaking but none of us had moved or even bothered to look mainly because we had an extremely crappy door that shook every time there was a bit of wind. Finally the door swings open and theres this guy in a ski mask. He crouches and starts to crawl behind our couch. He didn’t notice me, my mom or sister sitting on the couch. We’re all just looking at him (I think I was too young back then to even know what was going on). My mom finally flicks on the lamp, looks at him and goes “um…can I help you?!?”. I think I heard him shit himself before he sprinted back out the door.
29. Mom Gets The Upper Hand
When my mom was a teenager two guys broke into our house. She was a total bad ass about it.
Coming home late from a party my mom unlocks the front door and see’s the lights on in the far hallway. Remember that she had not left those lights on when she left, and that her parents were out to dinner that night she freaked out. Before approaching the hallway my mom proceeds to then grab a giant knife from the kitchen and pursue her investigation.
These two morons didn’t even notice my mom at first, watching them look for jewelry and crap. Finally when one looks up, he jumps and shouts “WHAT THE FUCK.” His friend then reacts shouting back and then looking at my mom in a panic. Without fault my mom tells them, “Get on the couch.” The looks on their faces must have been priceless, but apparently they sprinted to the couch when she asked if she stuttered. They then waited nicely on the couch for the police to show up and arrest them.