48 Waiters Share The Most Cringeworthy Dates They’ve Ever Witnessed

46. The Instagram Addict

So, I worked at this Mexican restaurant a while back and one afternoon there were these two teenagers that showed up for what I presumed was a date. The thing is, this was obviously not the best of relationships.

I show up to the table with chips and salsa to get drink orders. The dude is on his phone, hardly acknowledging me. The girl looks up and smiles since my introduction was probably the first human interaction she had since she sat down. I mean, honestly, on a date, talk to your date. I don’t care if it’s awkward, just do it.

I go, get the drinks and show back up. The guy is still on his phone and girl is still not on hers, still far too excited to be seeing this random ass waiter show up at her table. I give the drinks, confirm that they don’t want an appetizer, and go to the back so they can have some time to choose what they want to order.

I instantly get asked from multiple other servers what’s going on at my table. I don’t think restaurant patrons understand, but waiters do talk. Not everything is mean, no food is spat in, but people talk. I respond with I don’t know why they aren’t talking and receive multiple “poor girl” and “he should get his ass off his phone” from waitresses and sassy-gay-friend waiters alike. I agree with them all.

Fast forward through the awkward ordering phase to when their plates of tacos and nachos are almost finished I’m asking them if they want any dessert.

As the word dessert comes out of my mouth, the girl looks at me and I swear her eyes tell me that I had better bring the tab so she can leave. I don’t even push the option and quickly pull the check out of my pocket, setting it on the table. Then, in a stroke of luck, the guy sets his phone down for the first time. I still don’t know how Instagram is that popular-I get bored on it after five minutes but this tool ignores his definitively attractive date to peruse random ass accounts.

I check them out, get some plates out of their way, and they leave. The phone usage is, as Liz Lemon dubs it, a definitive “deal-breaker.”

47. What Part Of The Cow Are Pork Chops From?

I worked right down the street from a private college full of kids who’s parents have always done everything for them. I had a couple come in, it was obviously a first date, she was obviously from the college and he obviously wasn’t. We had a lunch special on a plate of pork chops with three sides for ten dollars she looks at me and ask if we got the cows from Mississippi or Alabama. I’m expecting this to be a joke because even though the parents usually pay the kids way into the college the expectations are very high. I look at her date and he has the omg did she really face on. She was dead serious so I said I’ll go check. When I come back I go to say btw pork is pig not cow and she interrupts me to order. So I take both orders and put them in.

When I bring out the food the guy ask for hot sauce and when I told him we had Louisiana hot sauce or the other brand he said “now does the hot sauce come from Louisiana or Mississippi “… He cracked this type of joke with me the whole date and it all went over her head… When she finished I asked if her pork chop tasted like it was from Ms or Al she said for sure Ms it was awful and dry. The guy leans in and says it was probably awful because pork is pig and it’s probably dry because you wiped every bite with your napkin.

48. So Dark Not Even Light Can Escape It

I’m a bartender at a major chain restaurant. A couple stumbles in about 15 minutes before close. They’re talking loudly and sit at the bar. I’m a little pissed off so I finish wiping down the bottles before acknowledging them. I can hear everything they’re saying but it’s all very coded language so I have no clue what they’re fighting about.

“You promised me three times!”
“I can’t I can’t, I just can’t do it,” the woman says.

When I turn around and ask them what they would like to drink the man orders 10 shots of the strongest liqueur we have (which is Rumplemintz). I tell him I can’t serve that many shots to just two people.

He says, “There’s three of us. I’m trying to make it two people,” and pulls out a $100.00 bill and lays it on the bar. TC mark

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  • http://radiatepositivelife.wordpress.com Natali

    This was probably the most entertaining thing I will read all week!!!

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