Basically A Stranger: 16 Men And Women From Arranged Marriages Share The Truth About Sex On Their Wedding Night


“From a muslim standpoint, I had an ‘arranged’ marriage, but it really wasn’t all that arranged. I met my wife through a family friend. We were introduced, our families were introduced, and we spent about a year getting to know each other. Both of us, at either point, could have decided we were not interested, but we fell very much in love and got married.

We discussed sex, contraception, etc. prior to getting married so it wasn’t a foreign topic.

When we finally ended up having sex (day after our wedding night, we were way too exhausted that night), we took our time and went slow. It was very much enjoyable for both of us and we have sex nearly daily now (a year in). We were both virgins and had zero experience doing anything sexual with the opposite sex. Looking back now, I am really glad I got to experience all of that with her and only her. It makes it that much more special to me.”


“This all happened April last year, and it is 100% true. My wife is from a muslim country originally but her family is from the capital and quite modern. She has relatives however from a smaller village who are not quite as modern. So one of her second cousins (son of dad’s cousin) wants to get married because it is time already and he wants children. His mom interviews a few girls but it took a while. Some of the girls she didn’t like because they weren’t ‘traditional enough,’ and some of the girl’s families didn’t want because the guy’s family was too strict, even for a small village (things like the girl having to be muslim, must wear hijab, pray 5 times a day, the whole ordeal).

Finally they find a girl who suits him, his mom approves and girl’s parents approve, so they organize the wedding for like 2 weeks after (sadly because of that I couldn’t go, we live in Western Europe and I need to tell my vacation days in advance, at least more than 2 weeks, but she could arrange it with her work to go for the wedding).

My wife told me about the wedding, it was super traditional muslim wedding, which I would have loved to see because I have never been to one, although it was hard for me to understand a wedding without any alcohol. So the wedding happens and it ends early and everyone goes home to rest and sleep. My wife and his family (parents and sister) go to the hotel which is an hour away.

Then my wife’s dad gets a call. I should say before that my wife’s dad is very well considered in his extended family because he has a very good job in the center and works with high profile people, basically a very ‘respectable’ man. It was maybe 1am and he gets a call from his older sister saying that he needs to go back to the village immediately, there is an emergency. Him expecting it to be about money (he gets asked for money quite often) demands to know what is going on. So here is fun part.

The groom was a very traditional muslim man. He had never had a date, never gone out with a girl, and followed his religion in a very strict way. He had barely talked to women in the past. The bride has followed a similar path. So they finish the ceremony, they go to the room, and they realize they have absolutely no idea how to proceed. Like these people did not know how to have sex. They had never watched a porn film, they never had sex education, no one thought to tell them what they would have to do in bed. They are there wondering what to do now, so they call this aunt who is the eldest of the family to tell them what to do. But the aunt feels that a woman cannot possibly describe to a man how to have sex, that is so inappropriate, so instead she calls her younger brother (my father-in-law). My FIL doesn’t want to hear about that crap, he is one hour away and it is really barely any of his business, it is late and he works the next day. Also there must be many others more suitable for that kind of thing. At this point my wife and her mom and sister are cracking up because they cannot believe this is happening on 2013, and the thing is no one expected this otherwise they would have taken precautions.

So my FIL tells them to try to find someone else and if not he will go, but thankfully they contact on of the guests who is a “mullah” (not sure I spelled that right), like a religious figure, who agrees to go and explain to the guy what to do with his wife so they can consummate the marriage. But it doesn’t end there.

Like a week later my wife comes and tells me that apparently something happened, because the next days the bride was seen walking funny, and apparently they had to contact a gynecologist because something had happened during the wedding night that actually hurt the poor girl. We never got to know what was it that he did (or they tried) that went wrong, or the outcome after. Keep in mind this is really embarrassing for them so they tried to keep it as low as possible, we only found out because they called my FIL first to try to go talk to the guy.

So obviously this was in a very rural area in a small village of a muslim country, very hard to understand for many of us but it is one of my favourite stories that I heard. I doubt this happens in many arranged marriages, but hey, it happened in at least once. And last year, too!”

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