4. Couples That Make It Keep Trying

The truth is, for the vast majority of people, married life isn’t composed of some binary issue like “they stayed hot” vs. “they got fat and gross, so I peaced out.” I’m with my husband 15 years now, and I’ve made it a point, personally, to stay in fantastic shape into my 40s and I can tell you that I look great but I’m still 40. I don’t look 25. There’s still wear and tear.

Life happens. Age happens. People have other goals and responsibilities. Sometimes you have your routine and sometimes life throws you a series of curveballs. You get sick or hurt, people lose or change jobs, you have kids, your parents get old. You can gain weight, then lose it. Nothing is constant. Everything needs a little give and take.

What I’m trying to say is that time is precious, and that couples that make it do so because they keep trying, not because they stayed perfect. If they put on some pounds, or a lot of pounds, they go on a diet and try to get more exercise. They get a health issue, they go to the doctor and make lifestyle changes. They try to carve more quality out of their lives. They care about the quality of their spouse’s lives. Being in good shape is part of it, but nowhere near all of it. After a certain point you’re not just trying to look good, you are trying to stay healthy and enjoy activities and see your friends and family grow up, and maybe lead by example for the younger set.

The couples who don’t make it because one of them decided to sit on their butt and gain 100 lbs…it’s not just the getting fat that’s the deal breaker. When you give up and decide to live selfishly, that can come in a lot of forms, like video game playing all day or shopping all the money away or hanging out at bars every night, or even maybe being at the gym all day. And if you refuse to change or improve, for the good of the “team,” THAT is the dealbreaker because it’s a loveless state of mind.