The 25 Absolute Best And Worst Gifts You Could Ever Give A Man

1. Tires Rock

I once bought my Dad a complete set of tires for his pickup truck. The best on the market. They lasted 5 years, over all kinds of terrain, hunting, fishing, picking up loads, general driving. He constantly told his friends, “My son bought me these incredible tires.”

2. A Bandoleer of Flasks

I own four flasks. I consider myself a moderate-to-heavy drinker, but this is overkill. Am I supposed to strap them onto some kind of bandoleer and keep it under my poncho when I go to a sporting event? (Actually, as I’m typing this, I realize this is not the worst idea ever.)

3. Loveless Gift Cards

In my family, we just get each other gift cards for Christmas. $50 each. We’ve also stopped loving each other.

4. End Of The World Stuff

Judging by the things that get my husband’s attention in a shop, good gifts are:

Light bulbs
Batteries
Bungie cord
Wire cutters

5. Tools. no, seriously

My wife absolutely cannot believe that I want tools as gifts. I guess to her, it would be like me buying her a vacuum cleaner or washing machine. To me, though, getting a chainsaw is like a chance to do something awesome.

6. Hate Filled Mother Gives Bagels

My mom, for some mystifying reason, used to buy me stuff for bagels. Over the years I got:

• a plexi bagel storage thingy
• a plexi bagel-cutting rack
• cream cheese seasoning packets
• assorted spreaders and knives

I had no idea there were so many things available. I eventually told her I never wanted anything that had to do with the storage or preparation of a bagel.

7. Dark Christmas Is Dark

All I want for Christmas is the will to live and maybe a new hat.

8. An Eternal Truth

“I’m tired of receiving good whiskey.” – said no man ever.

9. Homemade Board Games

Gift #1. Amazon gift cards. Seriously. If you’re ever even remotely unsure what to get me, this solves your problem 100%. I get to pick the gift, so you know I’ll like it, it’s a “store” that carries virtually everything, so regardless of what I need, I can buy it. If I get multiples, I can stack them easily on my account instead of keeping track of a million cards in my wallet.

Gift #2. If you are close to me- anything you made yourself that carries emotional meaning or relates to a hobby of mine.

The number of times my brothers and I have simply made each other board game stuff for Christmas… And those are always the coolest gifts.

10. Forced Charity

My family is upper middle class, and this makes buying gifts fucking imposible. They can all buy their own stuff, and so they do. I’ve gotten into the habit of going to the mall and pulling one of those christmas angle tags for each ‘family’ in my family. (one for cousin, wife, kid. one for grandma and grandpa. ect.) I buy all the stuff the starving kid person wants and take a picture. Print the picture, and stick it in their cards with the sentiment, “Look what you did for some sad little shit!” It’s the one time of year my family is charitable… you know, because I don’t give them a choice.

Edit: Christmas angel*

11. Pay Attention To My Hobbies

CowJam’s Gift Ideas for Men:

Anything involving high voltage (tesla coil, nixie tubes, electric fly swatter, etc).

Any of the ‘adult’ (read: expensive) lego kits such as the taj mahal or the millennium falcon.

A blu-ray box set. They’re pretty cheap and I’ll enjoy them. I’ve just seen all of Heroes for £30.

Any blu-ray that has been released following the purchase of a box set. For example, Prometheus or the latest Batman film when it’s out.

Anything involving a hobby you know I enjoy. Try to avoid the ‘joke’ products surrounding the hobby (especially golf). I’d rather have something small but decent than large and shit.

Vouchers are fine as long as they’re for non-sensible shops. If you’re getting me a voucher make sure it’s for the likes of play.com, firebox, etc and not debenhams.

12. Request Charity

Does anyone else wish they could not get gifts? Every year people ask me what I want, every year I tell them nothing, and every year people treat me like a stick in the mud. But for real, I just don’t want stuff from people. I like spending time with family, Christmas dinner, all that jazz… but really wish I could skip the mutual obligatory exchange of similarly priced goods

Edit: some great suggestions below:

Ask for donations to your favorite charity / kickstarter.

Ask for gifts that involve spending time together (group events, etc).

13. A Bundt Pan, Alternatively Socks

Things to buy:

Circular baking form thingy with a hole in the middle, I just find Torus-shaped cakes are easier to cut into even pieces. Apperently a bundt pan.

A lot of candy

A mini helicopter I can fly around the room and attempt to land on increasingly more precarious flat surfaces until I finally knock something over and take the secret with me to the grave

Socks, preferably fancy ones for sports

Things you made yourself (knitting, woodcraft, papercraft, painting you name it)

Lego and mechanical lego

Just about any form of motor

14.Lady Jealousy Is Right

They’re still a fuckton better than women’s gift ideas. Men get electronics and interesting books and fancy liquor. Women get stinky fucking candles and perfume, over and over and over. God forbid a woman want an iPod.

15. A Boy Becomes A Man

Gotta be honest here, as a 22 year old I’ve only been getting “man” gifts for a few years now (as opposed to “boy” gifts) and I’ve always been pleased with what I’ve gotten. We may be defining this differently, or it may be age-related… but when I think of man gifts I think of things like socks & ties, cologne, car stuff (say a box of Armorall products), tools (the Leatherman I got last year is fucking tight), clocks/watches, “bathroom reading” type books, cuff links…

And I love getting all of that stuff.

EDIT Especially cologne, that shit’s expensive. Give me a bigass bottle of Acqua Di Gio for Christmas and I’m happy as a pig in shit

16. Blowjobs From The Family…?

Things I like to receive as gifts:

* Blowjob
* Beer
* Whiskey
* Socks
* Underwear
* Lego Robotics/Technic
* Ammunition
* Blowjob

Things I don’t like to receive as gifts:

* Everything else

It’s pretty fucking simple.

EDIT: Fuck. I definitely didn’t think the blowjob idea through well enough. Well, here’s to hoping my family doesn’t get me any blowjobs this holiday season!

17. “Love My Parents”

My parents know how to buy “Man” gifts. The past several have been – 60 dvd collection of classic horror and scifi movies, three box sets of books from Russian writers, a sword-cane, night vision goggles, and four gift certificates to newegg.

Love my parents.

18. Practical Safety Devices

Technology. As someone who is in technology, you will never figure out what I want, and theres a good chance I already bought what I want.

*Edit: One of the best gifts I ever got was a car safety flashlight. It has a wind up crank so you don’t have to deal with batteries. It also has a blinking red light and magnets so you can stick it to your car in the fog (if your electrics go out). But the best part of it is that it has a window smasher and seatbelt cutter on it. Almost nobody has one of these in their car, but I always keep mine in short reach.

19. A Signed Book, Put Your Back Into It

How about getting me something meaningful that shows you actually thought about me, as opposed to a generic template of Everyman superimposed on someone who clearly fucking isnt? Get me a signed copy of the new book my favourite author just published, take me somewhere I haven’t been but always wanted to, push me a step closer to the man I want to be. I don’t need any more shaving sets, cologne, gloves, belts, or other shit that I will forget you gave me in a month or two. I will reciprocate by not getting you lame bath sets..

20. Hunting Gear And Lots Of It

cut the crap: Low end $5-$10: a roll of duct tape or a spool of 550 paracord, you can NEVER have enough.

Mid range $50-$100: Knives or flashlights. Get a tactical light from Streamlight or Surefire (yes, they are worth the price) Get any folding knife designed by Ken Onion, it will last a lifetime and he can carry it every day.

High end $300-$1500 Buy him a fire arm. From a Ruger 10-22 to a Custom AR-15 he will have this for a lifetime and never forget who gave it to him.

SUPER HIGH END $25,000-$250,000 Take him on an African Safari.

21. Seventeen Magazine Is Authored By Idiots

My coworker was reading “seventeen magazine” and I saw that they had a section on guys’ Christmas gift ideas. It was, like, 4 testimonials on gifts guys said they wanted.

Here’s what they were:

1) A snapback (Okay… that sorta makes sense. I mean, I wouldn’t want one, but I can imagine a world where someone might.)

2) An iTunes giftcard (I think the saying “Nothing says I don’t know enough about you to pick out something you’ll like like a gift card” works really well here.)

3) Some sixty dollar bracelet (Dude in the picture likes kinda like a chick… I’m sure he’d like it but no other guy would.)

4) A super-soaker (Seriously. They actually suggested buying a guy a super soaker… in winter.)

22. T-Shirts From Crushes

I once got a shirt from a girlfriends homely sister that said “I’m not a model, I just look like one”. Pretty sure she had a crush on me.

23. Woman Dressed As Present

As a real man. I expect my wife to buy the sluttiest most sexy lingerie that I get to open christmas eve and wake up to on my floor christmas day. That is all. Anything that stimulates my penis.

– A REAL MAN.

24. A Handmade Quilt? God Yes

I was thinking about making my boyfriend a quilt for his bed so he’s not so cold during the winter. is that a bad idea ?

25. Flashlights and Scotch For All

As a woman trolling this thread for gift ideas for the men in my life…you guys suck! “For the love of pete, don’t buy undergarments” “I love a nice new pair of socks” “Anything with voltage” “Any electronic gadget for under $1000 I already have” “cologne” “are you saying I stink?” “Chainsaw!” “God I hope it’s not a chainsaw!” No concensus whatsoever. That’s it! Everyone’s getting flashlights and scotch.