It can be so much easier to place the weight of our heartbreaks on someone else’s shoulders. It can make so much more sense to blame our feelings of hurt and rejection on someone else’s inability to love us. It is often simpler to ignore our own role in relationships than to admit that we are often the ones who break our own hearts. But as much as we may try to deny it, we break our own hearts every day.
We break our own hearts when we stay, despite knowing deep down that something feels wrong. We break our own hearts when we let our love for someone else overpower all of our other needs. We break our own hearts when we quiet our own voices out of fear that we’ll say the wrong thing and send the person we love away. We break our own hearts when we place them in the hands of people who just can’t hold them.
We break our own hearts when we give them to people who are simply not the ones for us. These can be good people, kind people, who are also just trying to do their best in this world. But just because someone is a good person doesn’t mean that they’ll be able to love us in the way that we need. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that they’re the one for you.
If they only call you in the middle of the night, then they are not the one for you. It can feel so intense and passionate to love someone in secret, but you deserve so much more than someone who keeps you hidden in the shadows. You deserve more than someone who only calls you when they’re lonely, who only wants to take advantage of your warmth on their coldest nights. The right person will want to celebrate you in the sunshine. They’ll want you by their side through all of their brightest moments, to relish in their joy and share in their successes. They will want to be by your side for all of your victories, too. Wait for the person who makes you want to take pictures of sunsets when you’re apart, because sharing it with them will make that memory even more beautiful. That is someone who deserves your heart.
If they try to convince you that they are the only one who truly loves you, then they are not the one for you. Do not let anyone walk into your life only to criticize it. Don’t let someone else question your friendships or undermine your relationships. Don’t let someone else try to convince you that they are the only one who is worth your time. The right person will want to celebrate you alongside all of the other people who love you, too. The right person will not be jealous of the other people who love you, because they will just be happy that you are loved by so many. Wait for someone who wants to spend time with the people you care about, because exploring all of the reasons that other people love you makes them fall even more in love with you. That is someone who deserves your heart.
If they make you question your own worth, then they are not the one for you. Do not give your heart to someone who makes you doubt the pieces of your soul that truly light you up. The right person will be proud of you when you succeed, and will appreciate your passions. They will want to hear the way that your voice sounds when you’re trying not to laugh in the middle of telling a story. They will want to understand the meaning behind the songs you sing, and the reason why your face brightens so much when you dance. They will want to fall in love with the way that you express your passions. The right person will also allow you to make mistakes without demeaning who you are as a person. Wait for someone who understands that you’re a human being who succeeds and who fails, and loves you even more for it. That is someone who deserves your heart.
I hope you learn that while everyone deserves your kindness, not everyone deserves your heart. You were not put on this Earth to love the broken pieces of other people back together. As much as you can try, your love will not be enough for that. You can love someone as they piece their own heart back together – this is a beautiful thing to do. But you cannot be the only reason why they’re doing it.
I hope you learn that you cannot convince someone else to love you. You can be the most wonderful person in the world but simply will not be the right match for someone. You can throw all of the love that you have at them in the hopes that maybe they’ll wake up one day and suddenly be able to receive it – you can give someone your entire heart and it still won’t be enough. I hope you learn that just because someone is unable to love you in the way that you want doesn’t mean that you’re unable to be loved.
More than anything, I hope you learn how to stop breaking your own heart. Yes, sometimes heartbreak is inevitable – people leave, friendships drift apart, couples decide that the kind of love that they crave just doesn’t come from each other anymore. So many things in life will lead you into heartbreak. You don’t have to be one of them. I hope you learn how to stand up for what you deserve, and how to believe that you deserve it. I hope you learn how to defend your heart instead of breaking it.