1. Remove obstacles
Resolve to sit down and think about what is really getting in the way of finding love. Not meeting anyone? Then the next step is to try a new activity where you will meet more people like online dating, speed-dating, or a completely unrelated activity like a book club where you will get to know new people. If your issue is that you don’t have enough time, rearrange your life. If finding love is a priority, treat it that way. Schedule in time to talk to people if you’re doing online dating or for meeting people or for going on dates and sustaining a connection with someone. Some days when I would be getting to know a guy I would wake up and realize I hadn’t responded to him in days! It felt like a huge hassle because everything else in my life was so busy, so I had to slow down so I had time to enjoy talking to someone.
2. Apply the principle of two
The principle of two is that when it comes to dealbreakers, you don’t get an infinite amount of them — you get two. What are the two things you absolutely have to have? It’s totally fine to be shallow and say you need a tall guy as long as you then realize you need to be flexible on everything else. This might seem difficult at first, but it should also feel freeing. It makes you realize how you don’t really care as much about some things as you thought you did. Figure out what your two things are, write them down, and then try to be open to people who don’t fit all the categories you don’t care as much about.
3. Make room for love
Make your life look like it has room for another person in it. This is a bit silly, but psychosomatic. The easier it is for someone to fit in your life, the more open you’ll be to bringing someone into it. Sleep on one side of the bed instead of in the middle of it. Have free time you’ll fill up with dates and hangouts later. It’s great to feel comfortable being single as long as that’s what you want, but when you start trying to find someone it’s okay to be a little uncomfortable. It’s a good motivator.
4. Be someone people want to be with…
Are you happy with yourself and your life? Would you date you if the tables were turned? To find someone you love to be around, who’s interesting, and who’s a catch — be someone who’s fun to be around, interesting, and a catch.
5. But don’t get carried away
No one is perfect. We are imperfect humans dating other imperfect humans. If you’ve been putting off getting back into the dating pool until you achieve x,y, and z giant life milestones reconsider whether this is a good strategy. There’s no guarantee milestone x, y, and z will ever happen. You can find love before you are a complete person, you just find someone who supports you while you still pursue all the same things you thought you had to do before you felt like you could be enough for another person.
6. Revamp your dating profile
No one likes talking about themselves so if you do online dating chances are that writing your profile was an unpleasant experience. Often people do this as quickly as possible and then never look at it again. But this is the only thing potential love interests know about about you! Have a man/woman you trust read your profile and tell you how you come off. Don’t take it personally, how would you possibly be used to writing this way? Think about who you are — your very best traits — and make sure those come across. Make sure the overall message is positive. Read about people’s dating profile pet peeves and avoid those. Read about which photos get messaged most often — and upload accordingly. Read this incredible story about being honest about what you want.
Put more effort into your appearance. You know how they advise, “Dress for the job you want”? Dress for the love you want. Not only will you be ready to meet someone, but you’ll have a spring in your step when you do. You’ll feel confident going to up a cute guy/girl and talking because you know you look your best. You’re ready to make a great first impression.
8. Be confident about what you have to offer
Spend a little time thinking about why someone would be lucky to be with you. It’s not arrogant — if you work hard to be the best version of yourself you deserve to feel like you are worthy of someone’s love. No one wants to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It’s exhausting to have to convince someone who doesn’t believe it that they are deserving of love. Don’t do this to someone. Know your worth.
9. Use the law of attraction
Read my friend Claudia’s advice about how to use the law of attraction to find a new love. Her account of manifesting $30,000 is pretty good too. You might not believe in it and it could be all bunk, but it’s fun, not time intensive, and something that might put you in the headspace you want to be in. How bad could it be?
10. Stop wasting time on relationships that aren’t what you want
Some people treat being single like it is the floor and you are playing lava tag — jumping from junk relationship to junk relationship just to avoid it. If you want love, stop fucking around with things that aren’t love. Don’t let someone use you for a sex-only arrangement if that’s not what you want. Dump it. Free yourself up for what you do want.