A few years ago, I fell in love like a tornado. He was the first man I’d ever felt emotionally and mentally in sync with. To the young, naive me back then, he was larger than life. Our love was larger than life.
He gave me everything he could, but the thing I wanted the most from him was impossible — we couldn’t end up together. I concluded that life was unfair. I resented that I never got what I wanted.
Our intense connection had me convinced that I had found my soulmate.
Worse, I lost my soulmate, and so I turned my back against love.
For quite some time, I threw myself into empty relationships that left me feeling lonely and abandoned, which I had become used to when my “soulmate” left me. Meanwhile, I bitterly wished that I had been someone else — someone whose life was rightfully tied to my soulmate’s, someone who was loved and chosen.
Sure, I knew that love wasn’t enough for a lifelong relationship, but I was in denial about it. I was too clouded by my pain and shattered fantasy to see the plain truth that my “soulmate” was never capable of making me happy and he knew it.
See, I have a tattoo that says, “Wait and you’ll know.”
I let time pass, and now I know. The best thing he ever did for me, as it turned out, was to let me go.
In fact, the best thing my exes — every single one of them — ever did for me, was to get the hell out of my life.
The breakups hurt me, but it would be nothing compared to having my time taken and wasted, especially by self-serving people who ultimately don’t give a shit about my well-being and happiness. Well, if they had cared, knowing how unavailable they were, they wouldn’t have come near me in the first place.
It’s hard to see it when you’re still attached and grieving. You think fondly of your ex and your time spent together; you’re fixated on the tragedy of a relationship’s ending and feel an overwhelming sense of doom.
But over time, you’ll see what’s worse, or better:
Getting hurt now, and then having the time and space to find yourself and someone who’s capable of building a healthy, long-lasting relationship with you
being dragged along by someone who won’t and can’t meet your needs.
Take it from me:
Don’t ever think 1%, 10%, or even 90% of a relationship is all you’ll ever get.
You deserve 100%, and you’ll have 100% when you stop accepting otherwise.
Here’s a reminder: Love, mental connection, or hot sex is not enough. If they don’t actively choose to be with you and make that happen right now, they can’t be right for you.
When someone exits your life, you might hate them for breaking your heart or demand to know why they don’t try harder, but the truth is sometimes the best thing someone can do for you is to let you go.
Frankly, they let you go because they want that time and space to find their own happiness, too.
It’s your turn to do what’s good for you.
I remember looking at my “soulmate” as though he was the only man who ever existed.
I felt excruciatingly powerless when he came and went, but now I can say with full confidence that even if he had chosen me, I wouldn’t choose him. I wouldn’t choose any of my exes.
I was stuck in a mess I called “love” because I didn’t know any better. My world was so small then.
But thankfully, they let me go so I could use my time for much better things, such as expanding my horizon and building the life I love.
Today, I’m happier than ever.
I’m the woman I wanted to be, and I’ve met the love of my life — the best man I know whom I’ll soon call my husband. The word “soulmate” seems so marginal now compared to the life we have together.
I hope you feel empowered to raise your bar to 100%, too.