17 People On The One Thing They Wish They Could Have Told An Ex

"You think you're a nice guy and maybe you are, but you're not a good guy. Good guys don't use people to 'figure things out' or as rebounds or replacements. You're not a good guy and your niceness doesn't make up for it."

By Ella Ceron

Updated 10 years ago, September 24, 2014

Exes are the great coulda-woulda-shouldas of our lifetimes, and because hindsight always works so much better than the present tense, sometimes we don’t get to say everything we wanted to the people who once mattered so much to us. I asked a few friends what they wish they could have said to an ex or a few different exes, and here are the anonymous results. Some of them are heartbreaking, some are relatable, some are cold. Each breakup is unique to the relationship that preceded it, and hopefully the lessons we learn from those failed relationships only prepare us to do better in the next relationship — and hopefully, the right one.

1.

“For some reason I always thought the best way to break up with someone was to tell them all the positive things about them and put most of the blame on myself. I told this girl that I just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, but in reality she was a swamp goblin that would correct the grammar of strangers, spend absurd money on her cats then ask for money to pay rent, rolled her eyes during the national anthem, and was like having sex with a cadaver that was pulled from the ocean and covered in aquatic life. I really wish I would’ve said that instead.”

2.

“The one thing I wish I could’ve said to an ex would be: ‘I’ll never think about you.'”

3.

“One of my relationships in college was a pretty big disaster. Just a whole lot of dishonesty on every front. For example, more than once I picked her up at random parties very late at night, the details and whereabouts of which she’d lie about for no real reason. That said, being with her was kind of a blast. Probably incredibly unhealthy to sustain longer than the few months we were together, but given the messiness of the breakup I’ve never really told her how much fun the whole thing was. Pretty sure she thinks I hate her — might be a necessary reality to live in to ensure my life doesn’t implode, but in retrospect I’m glad that relationship happened.”

4.

“I would have told the last guy: “You think you’re a nice guy and maybe you are, but you’re not a good guy. Good guys don’t use people to ‘figure things out’ or as rebounds or replacements. You’re not a good guy and your niceness doesn’t make up for it.”

5.

“I wish I had told you that if I run away, it’s because things got too deep, too fast. That my back and forth and my ins and outs were me trying to protect myself from what could be with you. Maybe it didn’t matter, maybe you never wanted it to happen and I’m spinning up ways to explain that rejection away, but there’s a part of me that thinks we both felt rejected and so we both just sort of slunk away without fighting to see if this was something. I won’t know unless I ask you and I won’t ever ask you. I loved you when it mattered.”

6.

“I found out my ex had been cheating on me, and since that’s the only unforgivable relationship mistake for me, I broke up with her. When I went over to get my stuff she had two pregnancy tests sitting out where I would see them so I would think I had gotten her pregnant. I knew it wasn’t true so I just got my stuff and left. I wish I had told her what a sociopath she was and how terrible it was to mess with my emotions in such an awful way.”

7.

“I never told my ex how terrible he was at sex and that I dreaded every time we would sleep together. I guess he’ll hear it from a future girlfriend or just have a lot of unhappy partners. He was just really bad and thought he was amazing.”

8.

“I know this is really really petty but sometimes I wish I had been quick on my feet enough to tell the ex who cheated on me that I’d cheated on him first. I didn’t, but I just wanted to see him hurting as much as he hurt me.”

9.

“When my ex broke up with me I played it up and was acting like it really bothered me, but in reality I had been trying to figure out how to break it off with her for weeks. She’s not really the nicest person so maybe it would have humbled her a bit instead of making her even more arrogant.”

10.

“I never told my ex that he was my first because I knew he would keep trying to make it work even thought I knew after a few weeks that we weren’t compatible at all.”

11.

“I honestly should have told her I loved her. I was trying to find the right time to say but I’d chicken out or put it off and she broke up with me because she didn’t know where we were going. Maybe that would have changed things.”

12.

“This is really bad of me, but when I was living with my ex I accidentally left the window open and his cat got out and we never saw her again. I told him it was probably the cleaning lady or one of his nephews. WHOOPS!”

13.

“When my ex was in Germany on a work trip he had left me his credit card in case of an emergency. I was only working part time because I was still in school. I ended up getting really drunk one night and I lost $900 playing online poker, which I had never played in my life, but seemed like a good idea at the time. I told him it must have been identity theft and that the bank couldn’t do anything about it because it was an international charge. It’s probably his fault for believing such a dumb story, but he probably should’ve known the truth instead of thinking he had been hacked.”

14.

“I always told my ex she was really funny. We broke up over text after she cheated on me. My biggest regret was not being able to see her one last time to tell her that her impressions were terrible and I courtesy laughed at all of her stupid jokes.”

15.

“That I faked every orgasm.”

16.

“She probably looks at my Facebook so I’m sure she knows this by now, but I’m gay. I just wish I had told her before I broke up with her. Being honest about it would have been a better way to handle things.”