Thought Catalog
September 24, 2014

19 Guys And Girls On Their One Non-Negotiable Relationship Dealbreaker

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What is the issue?

Dating is hard, but there are certain life hacks to make it just a little bit easier. Take, for instance, creating a firm list of non-negotiable dealbreakers; A solid list that you will not rationalize, no matter how tempting it may be. They could have everything you’ve ever dreamed of, but if something about them goes against even one of these non-negotiables, you cut your losses without question.

30 Rock
30 Rock

I asked 19 guys and girls what would be on their non-negotiable list, and got some seriously great answers.

James, 29:

“Non smoker, must love food.”

Marie, 28:

“Must be clean. Good hygiene and appreciates a clean home. Cannot budge off of this!”

Anthony, 31:

“If they chew on ice, it’s over. I cannot tolerate someone who gleefully manufactures the sound of satan.”

Isabelle, 26:

“I could never be with a guy who wanted to be submissive to me in the bedroom. That happened to me once and it was very hard for me to find him attractive again after that. I don’t know what it is… but it’s just not for me.”

Cecila, 25:

“If he ever uses a slur against anyone, I’m out. Calling someone a pussy or gay is so problematic, and I do. not. have. the. tiiiiiiiiiiimeeeee to teach you why you’re wrong. I once received a snapchat from a guy who used a derogatory caption describing his friends as being gay (well, a worse word than that, actually) because they were wrestling around and deleted his info right then and there.”

Stephanie, 25:

“It’s cliche, but someone who doesn’t love dogs cannot be trusted. It’s fine if he has a cat, but if he has a cat and openly states he doesn’t ever want a dog and has no desire to have a dog, HUGE red flag to me. I grew up with dogs, and this is just not something I can meet in the middle on.”

Brian, 28:

“Picky eaters be gone. I am a foodie and love to try everything at least once. If you’re going to be boring and suggest the basics every time we dine out, it’s never going to work. Take your salad with dressing on the side or burger with no toppings and get gone.”

Jessica, 27:

“I love to travel, and if someone I’m dating doesn’t or isn’t at least excited about the idea of traveling with me and finding the time/resources to do so, I’m out. The world is here for us to explore; I’m not trying to stay in the same city every single weekend, doing the same stuff. My partner has to have a serious sense of adventure, or we’d never mesh.”

Parker, 30:

“Isn’t money like the number one thing that ruins marriages? Whoever I’m with, we need to be on the same page when it comes to our ideas about money. Either we both love to spend or we both love to save, because one person being the opposite way is always detrimental to the relationship.”

Jonathan, 29:

“For me it has to be having her own goals and drive. When you’re with someone who has no aspirations of their own or desire to do anything, two very bad things happen. One, you use a lot of your energy trying to motivate them, and it’s essentially impossible to force someone to be ambitious. And the second thing — whenever you want to take time to master your craft or enjoy your hobby independently, they’ll get upset and frustrated like,’Well, what am I supposed to do?’ because they have no significant objectives other than remaining in a relationship with you.”

Becca, 26:

“My non-negotiable is definitely ‘has his own interests and career in life.’ He doesn’t have to make a ton of money, but he has to love what he does and pursue his passions with vigor. If he’s just slogging it out in some job he doesn’t really like, and not doing anything to improve his situation, I’m not interested.”

Kelly, 24:

“Must not be ‘weirded out’ by normal things like pubic hair or oral sex or pooping. Must not get indifferent when upset. I’d rather angry than indifferent. Must not have a wandering eye/hand/dick/vagina.”

Robert, 34:

“I don’t drink and haven’t had a sip of alcohol since Ronald Reagan’s first term as president. No drinkers. Alcohol either makes people way too belligerent or way too sappy.”

Lacy, 27:

“I always thought it would be something that has to do with values like the person must have some kind of faith/spirituality because I believe strongly in that. But really thinking about it, I think I have three things: The person must love and want children, they must be truly kind, and we must be able to laugh together. The last one seems silly but as my parents get up in their years – they say laughing together makes a world of difference.”

April, 26:

“This is something you can’t get a solid feel for until you’ve gone on a few dates with someone, but I really can’t date someone unless they’re laid-back and easygoing about life. Guys who get worked up and mad/sad/whatever about things easily are hard to be around for me. Relax. Everything will be fine. Also, someone who is pretentious about music is really annoying. I can appreciate all different types of music, and I have different playlists for different moods. Everything from indie to bluegrass to 90s R&B to pop music, etc. I go see live music of varying genres almost every week. I LOVE MUSIC. IT IS MY EVERYTHING. So, if I tell a guy I’m listening to something at the moment he doesn’t think is ‘cool’ enough and he makes a big deal about it? I’m gonna nope right out of that. Get over yourself.”

Michael, 28:

“If a girl has little to no working knowledge of the most classic of classic rock, I can’t deal. For whatever reason, the girls I’ve met who just straight up didn’t care for The Beatles or Led Zep or even The Stones have always had something off about them at the end of the day.”

Brandon, 31:

“If she can’t cook. It seems shallow, but I was raised in a big family with a mom who cooked dinner every night of the week, so it’s a total non-negotiable for me. It’s true: The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. At least in my case.”

Megan, 24:

“Same religion. It makes things so much harder, otherwise.”

Amanda, 27:

“Humor is my #1. If he doesn’t laugh loud and hard and often, I can’t imagine what the rest of our relationship will be like. Looks fade, and there’s already too much serious shit in the world – that’s why being on the same page, humor-wise, is so vital to me. Also, if he doesn’t like Cheetos, I consider him a monster.”  TC mark