There’s never a question of my ability. Nobody’s keeping me around for my good looks.
I’m a musician, and I get steady work in spite of how difficult it is for people to look at me.
People laugh at your jokes for real.
A little late but there is a girl at my college known for sleeping around a lot. There are a bunch of rumors surrounding her but I know for a fact that she has taken two random guys up to her room on the same night (I worked as a doorman at the time). She wasn’t the best student by any means choosing to party over studying or anything like that. About a year ago, I was drunk at a bar and saw her there. She saw me and we talked for a bit and she asked to dance. I’m not the most attractive person by any means, so this had never happened to me. I took her offer, why not, could be fun.
After about 4 songs worth of grinding or so, she turns around and gives me this wide eyed look. She quickly says “I have to go” and rushes out the door as quick as she could. I assumed she had a moment of clarity and left. I met back up with friends, told them what happened, and we all left a bit later. The next day there is a huge party and apparently she didn’t go, people were saying she wanted to study instead. In fact, she didn’t go to the bar or any party for the rest of the semester. She made dean’s list that semester and is on track to make dean’s list this semester too.
When I talk about it to my friends, they say she probably hooked up with someone else that night or she went out a different night but I saw her look of shock. I saw her directly leave the bar. I know she didn’t go to that party that she would normally go to the very next night. She hit rock bottom by simply dancing with me and it was enough to truly change her life.
TLDR: I am so ugly I fixed a girl’s life by dancing with her.
Get to play tinder on hardcore mode.
I wouldn’t say I’m hideous, but I’m on the lower side of average. I have bad hair and very little interest in makeup or fashion, so I also don’t regularly go out of my way to pretty myself up. I used to have nice boobs, but after breast feeding a child they kind of deflated.
I know, because he told me, that my husband loves me because I’m smart, very funny, capable, strong willed, and quirky. Though I haven’t “let myself go,” I’m pretty certain he isn’t going to leave me if I put on a few pounds. And since I rarely dressed up in the first place, me bumming around in pajama bottoms all the time isn’t out of the ordinary.
I have never been cat called. No one has ever been surprised that I can drive a stick shift or a motorcycle. Random people don’t tell me to smile whilst I’m walking. I’m not afraid to walk alone at night. I have never been harassed by strangers. I have such a prominent RBF even people waving signs on the street shy away from getting in my face.
I have never been asked out in my life. I have pursued every boyfriend I’ve ever had, which is admittedly not many. I have been turned down plenty, though. I have never been hit on, by either sober or drunk people. When I tried online dating, I got a thousand replies to my profile; once I sent a few my picture, I never heard from them again. No one ever offers to help me with anything, even if I’m visibly struggling. I must ask, and am often ignored. Before I was married, guys would make “yuck!” faces when asked what they thought about me.
Overall, being unattractive has been a bonus for me. I’ve never had anyone pander to me, I know all my friends like me for me, and I’m not held to the same standards a lot of women are by society. I was a late bloomer, so not being asked out in high school was nice. And when I did get interested, I was mature enough to not let rejection shatter me. I ended up married to a nice guy with fantastic hair who was nice enough to pass that hair onto our beautiful daughter. I live a comfortable life and no one assumes I sold myself to get here. All in all, it’s pretty great.
And I suuuuure can cook!
Being invisible in public. I am completely ignorable. This is great for people watching and generally not being bothered. I don’t feel much pressure to put a lot of effort into my appearance, so I can wear comfortable clothes and become visual “background noise.”
Keeping my head shaved is not only low maintenance, it makes me look slightly intimidating combined with my beard and stocky frame. It can be lonely, but as an introvert it is an advantage to not be obligated to social interactions I don’t initiate.
I am a normal-looking-to-slightly-unattractive guy working as a teacher. When a woman expresses interest in me, I can basically be 100% sure it is actually based on who I am and not just looks/money because I certainly don’t have any of that.
There’s nothing to lose. Can’t dance? Fuck it, get out there and dance like you want to, you aren’t gonna spoil any chances of getting laid. Karaoke night? Eminem and/or Journey is calling your name, who gives a shit if you suck, you’re getting turned down 20 times tonight anyways.
But you only need one girl to think “that guy really owns his unattractive awkwardness with a self-aware confidence I actually find hot” and then you’re in!
Most people will be more genuine around you. Attractive people tend to intimidate others and cause them to act differently to what they normally would.
For real, though: romantic partners, while some may think are “harder to find” for unattractive people, will actually love you for you, and it’ll be great. By being unattractive you filter out all the fuckboys, the shallow/vain people, etc etc. Someone who chooses to love you isn’t just looking at you and seeing someone who ticks as many of the socially-expected boxes of “what a romantic partner should be” as they could possibly find; they’re looking at you and seeing YOU, and loving you for it.
So, they’re not going to one day trade you in for someone better, or decide you got ugly and aren’t worth it anymore, or treat you like just a piece of ass, or cheat on you because there’s someone hotter around. Because you’re special.
(Seriously, all the most beautiful girls I know are the ones who get cheated on and treated like shit. Same for guys.)
Personally, I’m pretty sure that I fall right in the middle of the bell curve for attractiveness. I’m not “hot”. I’m an average sorta dude with not-great skin, uneven facial hair (damn my dreams of someday growing a glorious mustache), I’m short, and I have a pretty juvenile sense of humor that revolves largely around poop jokes.
But growing up, my lack of conventionally attractive traits (including: muscles, gorgeous smooth dandruff free hair, height, chiseled jawline, confidence, etc.) helped me sharpen my skills in other areas:
- I can’t draw in girls with my smoldering sexy eyes, so I practiced my rhythm telling jokes until I could make them laugh.
- I can’t impress girls with my cash flow (grad student, c’mon), so I learned to impress them with my knowledge – and how to make weird, nerdy facts actually seem cool.
- I can’t draw girls like a moth to a flame from my height, since I lack any – so I hit the gym to actually put on a layer of muscle, hit the road to keep myself trim, and hit the mountain trails on vacation so I could brag about climbing mountains.
- Skills! Skills. My face might not look like it belongs on the cover of a glamour magazine, but I’m an amazing cook, a decent baker, I can fix just about any mechanical device, and I can even pull out a bit of wine tasting mumbo-jumbo. If I can get a girl over for a home-cooked meal, she’s coming back for another date.
Finally? I fail. I know that I fail a lot, and I’ve gotten used to it. This led to me hardening my soul against that fear of failing, learning to just use it as more motivation to throw myself out there into the breech once again.
I had a short period where I was attractive, it lasted maybe 2 years. When I was attractive random men would hit on me. Guys who within a minute of conversation it would be clear that we had nothing in common and no chemistry would continue to try to get my number or whatever. Just because of the way I looked! It was tedious and annoying.
I love talking to people when there is something to talk about, but “hey you’re pretty wanna go out?” is kind of gross. Being my normal unattractive self I know that if a guy is talking to me that we actually have something to talk about, he may not be interested in me as any more than a friend or source of information but at least he isn’t wasting my time trying to catch me like some sort of trophy. It’s sad actually.
You get to learn first hand to not judge an individual based on appearances.
Aging is not as traumatic. I’m 53, and once attractive people in my peer group are freaking out about the way they are overlooked and undervalued. Not a big deal for me, since looks never provided an advantage in my life.
I’m a super short dude (5’2″), and way below average in the looks department. My eyes are so brown that they are almost black, and the one positive thing about my face is my big beard that covers most of it up.
All of that being said, I’ve dodged having to date a lot of superficial cunts. I’ve been told by countless girls who turned me down that they turned me down because they didn’t want to date a short guy. That kinda stung a little, but you get used to the rejection after a bit. That’s another cool thing. I’m super comfortable with rejection now. Before I got married, it happened to me so much that I just became numb to it.
When I finally met my wife, I knew for a fact that she loved me for me, and not what she wished I could be. She loved that I made her laugh, and complimented her all the time, and just generally made her feel happy. Not because I was tall, or handsome, or a good lover, because I’m not any of those things… :)
Being free of society’s expectations around being attractive and learning to find your value elsewhere. I’m an unattractive woman. I’ve had people yell stuff like “ugly bitch” at me on many occasions. In high school I worried about my appearance. Now I no longer care whether others find me attractive. I have a husband and son who think I’m a beautiful person.