Thought Catalog

How To Love Yourself During Your Low Points

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Rich Brown

It’s one thing to be loving to yourself when things are going well and you feel centered and peaceful inside. It’s quite another to love yourself when you feel panicked and freaked out.

Tara ask me the following question in one of my webinars:

“When my inner child gets really freaked out, and I try to block her out in the hope the anxiety will go away, it doesn’t work. But, when I try to love her and listen to her feelings, I still feel like I’m more panic than wise adult. Any suggestions?”

The first thing you need to do is what you would do if you had an actual freaked out child – which would be to hold her. The next time you feel panicked and freaked out, try holding a doll, stuffed animal or pillow, and say the same kind of soothing things you would say to an actual child. While you are holding her, imagine your loving, compassionate higher self – perhaps an older and wiser version of you, holding you.

Your upset inner child needs to know that she isn’t alone, and the only way she knows this is when you show up as the adult you are. When you still feel like you are more panic than a wise, loving adult, it’s because it’s your wounded self who is trying to listen to your feelings. Our wounded self is generally a child or adolescent and will feel panicked at having to deal with intense feelings, because this part of us has no idea how to do this. We don’t heal fear with fear. Only love heals.

In order to be centered as your wise loving adult, you need to be open to learning about what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing you to feel freaked out, and you need to be open to receiving the love and compassion from your spiritual guidance – whatever that is for you.

However, before you can do the learning in Step Three of Inner Bonding, you first need to move toward your feelings with gentleness, holding your inner child and bringing through compassion from Spirit, until you feel a little calmer. You might want to learn The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to help deescalate the intensity of the feelings. You can learn EFT online.

Once you feel calmer, then you can move through the other steps of Inner Bonding – making sure you are open to learning and then exploring how you are abandoning yourself that is causing the freak out, as well as exploring the false beliefs that are leading to your self-abandoning behavior – Step Three of Inner Bonding. Then on to Step Four – asking your higher guidance for the truth about the beliefs, and the loving action toward your inner child. After taking the loving action you are guided to take, then tune in to how you are feeling. If you feel some relief, then you know you are on the right track. If you still feel freaked out, then you need to go through the steps again, until you feel relief. The relief is what lets you know that you are, indeed, taking a loving action rather than continuing to abandon yourself.

If you can’t get calm enough to go through The Six Steps, then you might need to reach out for help from a friend or an Inner Bonding facilitator, or read some articles on the Inner Bonding site. We can’t always show up for ourselves, and sometimes taking loving action means reaching out for help when we need it to get centered enough to connect with our inner child and our higher guidance. It takes time, compassion, and practice to be able to become calm enough to do an Inner Bonding process when you are freaked out. TC mark

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