The Truth Is, You Have No Control Over How Other People See You

You can try to give your best in any and every situation; you can give every effort to express your truth with love, and still, people may see the worst in you. You can strive to live with integrity, transparency and honesty and you may still be called a fraud and a liar.

You can take, what you think is the higher road, swallow your pride and take responsibility for your part in a bad situation, even though you’re in pain too, and still get raked over the coals.

You have 0% control over how others view you or a situation. If you want to find peace, you have to learn to roll with this. It’s a hard pill to swallow, I know. Believe me, I know. I’m choking it down right now as I’ve done many times before.

Your best intentions will be misread; your words spoken with heart will be twisted against you.

You can come to the world with open heart, full of vulnerability and trust and get kicked in the gut, by stranger, friend or kin.

So, do you just say “SCREW IT ALL!!!” and harden your heart to the world?

I know it’s tempting but I’m hoping you’ll choose no.

It’s extremely hard at times and it can really suck BIG but it’s important for you to keep showing up with open heart and open arms.

I don’t mean putting on a big fake smile and shoving all your emotions down so you can put on a good show in spite of your own pain. I mean, doing whatever you have to, to heal that pain. Take the time to love yourself. Take the time to heal your wounds. Remember that you’re only human, just like everyone. You aren’t perfect, you’ll never be.

Others may feel justified in beating you up because of your imperfections but they aren’t perfect either. Forgive them.

We are all walking through this life carrying a ton of baggage, points of view and blinders. None of us can truly know what someone else is feeling. I consider myself pretty empathetic and I still miss the mark way too often.

People may blindside you and leave you in shock, battered and bruised, telling you it was your fault. From their point of view, you did something hurtful to them that justified a backlash. Sometimes all you can do is take them at their word, examine your heart for your truth, apologize for whatever action you took or failed to take that caused them pain and send silent forgiveness if they’re not ready to take responsibility for their part in the drama.

Remember forgiveness doesn’t mean approval. Abuse is abuse and is never called for. You can forgive while walking away and setting boundaries.

Love yourself for always striving to be and do your best even though you know you’ll often fall short and screw up.

Try to be non-judgemental of others. Our view is likely distorted also. We haven’t walked in their shoes, they haven’t walked in ours. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always be kind.

There may be relationships you’ll need to walk away from. It may hurt like a knife in the heart and gut to do it but sometimes self-love will call for it. If there’s too much drama and pain in a relationship, if you’re a highly sensitive soul and this compromises your ability to function well, it may be time to walk away.

You have NO control over how others deal with life.

Some people are stuck in their pain and can’t be freed no matter how much love you shower on them. They may not be ready to change; they may not be ready to heal; their wounds may be too deep. You don’t know what their path is and you have no right to put your expectations on them. Love them enough to let go of your agenda for them. For your own self-love and preservation, this may mean walking away.

If you’re prone to depression and easily depleted and a relationship is a negative energy in your life, you may need to leave. You can love them from afar, send them blessings to heal their wounds, but if it compromises your self-esteem to be with them, it’s time to let go. Do it with love whenever possible.

It won’t always be possible. You’ll have to live with it. This too will suck.

In the end, it all comes around to…

You having NO control over other people.

If you’re like me, you want everyone to love and understand you all the time. You want them to know you always have the best intentions, even when you fall painfully short. You want everyone to know how beautiful and sincere your heart is and how hard you try. You want to never feel the pain of being misunderstood, accused or chastised. You never want to carry the burden of others feeling ill will against you.

But this is not reality. Not everyone can or will love you. Not everyone can or will understand you. And no one will understand you 100% of the time. Heck, sometimes you may not understand yourself.

This world, this life at this time is not easy for anyone. There’s a surplus of bad energy in the atmosphere and many of us feel it, heavy on our shoulders, minds and hearts. Sometimes it may feel easier to shut down and isolate ourselves.

But there’s still hope for this planet yet. There’s a potential that’s breathtaking and worth every brave soul’s full efforts.  Fill yourself up with love and nourishment in whatever way works for you.

You’re needed.

Not with a shell of protection but with the armor of love.