This Year, I'm Giving Myself Another Chance

This Year, I’m Giving Myself Another Chance

This year, I am forgiving myself. For all my shortcomings, for all my mistakes, for all the things I did and regret doing. I am forgiving myself for all the times I let my guard down and was hurt. I am forgiving myself for all the times I fell for all the wrong people, for all the times I let my pride be bigger than my relationships. I am forgiving myself for all the people and relationships I allow to slip away, for all the people I took for granted. I am forgiving myself for all the hearts I broke, for all the souls I left crying in the middle of the night. I am forgiving myself for all the times I dreamed and failed, the moments I strived and was not enough. I am forgiving myself for all the bad choices I’ve made, for my past, for the part of me that was ugly and horrible.

This year, I am trying again. Despite of all the times I have fallen short, I will rise. I will overcome. This coming year, I am dreaming again. I am setting goal again, for myself, for my future, for the people I love. I am conquering odds once more, I am setting sail in the unknown. I am going out there, not knowing the possible results, but will just try. This year, I am coloring my blueprints and doing the best that I can to make this life worth looking back at after, say five years.

This year, I am believing again. I am believing in myself, that there is beauty inside me, that I am my own sunshine, that I am a work of art. I am believing that I can do the things I’ve always wanted to do. I am believing that despite all my imperfections and frailties, I am able. This coming year, I am believing again in people, that there are people with good intentions, with kind hearts. That there are people who actually want to love me for all I am, flaws and dirt considered. I am believing that there are true people who will stay by my side amidst the storm, through the tough days and even the easy ones. I am believing that people can be authentic and gracious, just like how I believe that I can be as well. That altogether, we can make it easier to live this life.

This year, I am going to be honest with myself, with people. Enough with the disguises, facades and the lies, if I’m not okay, I’m going to say it. If I don’t like something, I am going to be vocal about it. I am going to be honest with life, with what I want, with what I feel – who knows, maybe life will be amiable enough to actually give it to me. I am going to be brutally true, with the people I keep, with the people I love, with my actions and my thoughts.

This year, I am letting myself flourish and just be who I want to be. Away from all my own expectations. I am letting myself fly without controlling who I should be or who I should love. I am allowing myself the time and space I need in order to become. I am letting myself go. I am letting it take risks, climb mountains, jump leaps, overcome waves.

This year, I am recognizing myself and bringing credits to where credit is due. Because for what it’s worth, after everything that happened last year, I deserve an applause. Not because I was amazing or great, but simply because I was able to set foot into this new year. Simply because I didn’t let the tide flow through and drown me. Simply because I didn’t let the collision scatter me into a million tiny pieces. Simply because I was stronger than my struggles, I was bolder than my battles, I was fiercer than my faults.

As this year begins, I want to start anew. I want to redeem myself. I want to have life, once more.
And, this year, this year is my revival.

And I believe it’s yours too. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Dian is the author of Catastrophes, a prose and poetry collection exploring living and loving, breaking and mending, falling and rising, losing and surviving. Get in touch with her on Instagram and Twitter.

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